my friend and i are making up a list of good and bad jokes and it has to have 15+ good ones and 20+ bad ones....
any ones will be nice but they either have to be really good (aka: where does a general keep his armies? in his sleevies!) or really bad(ask me if i'm a tree. are you a tree? no!).
please i need help fast!
2007-03-01 14:06:45 · 11 answers · asked by tari_whitney 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
You will find tons of jokes at http://www.ahajokes.com/
2007-03-01 14:10:54 · answer #1 · answered by FangZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q-What did the toilet say to the user?
A-What gives!
Q-What is the fastest way to spread a rumour?
A-By wind!
Q-What did the rug say to the vacuum?
A-stop tickling me!
Q-Who said this the window or the curtain? now this is nice!
A-none, it was the designer!
Q-What did Jack chop down besides a beanstork?
A-a fortune!
Q-Why did the chief throw the butter out the window?
A-because he wanted to see butterfly!
Q-What did the curtain say to the rug?
A-stop looking under me!
Q-What did the boxer shorts say to the boxer?
A-keep still!
One day I was on my way to Miami on a plane and the person next to me ask, Are you going to Miami? And I said nope, just going for the ride.
Q-What did the faucet ask the sink?
A-lets go running!
Q-What did the mirror said to the viewer?
A-I don't lie!
Q-What did the camera said to the poser?
A-nothing, it just blank!
Q-What did the wick say to the fire?
A-your so hot!
Q-What did the fire say to the wick?
A-your so skinny!
Q-What kind of bling, bling does a car have?
A-it's head lights!
Q-What did the ring say to the finger?
A-your a show of!
Q-Why did the roach move out?
A-because the rats move in!
Q-What pop?
A-lollipop!
Q-What did the dog say to the blind man?
A-see ya!
Q-What is your name? Pass, Pass who?
A-Pass Win!
2007-03-01 15:50:28 · answer #2 · answered by crystal b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
between the funniest replaced into this guy who replaced into about 60, he regarded like a homeless individual yet fairly had an section to stay. He of course had some psychological topics (yet i'm no longer making exciting of that). He walked all round and regarded completely satisfied. I talked about him in a delightful's ice cream parlor sometime sitting on the counter. He replaced into ingesting an ice cream cone, had all of it over his face, moustache, beard, and it merely regarded so wonderful because he did not care, he replaced into merely lovin' it!
2016-10-17 09:46:15 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb ? 15 , you got a problem with that ? ; psychiatrists ? only one ,but it really has to want to change .;cops ? 2 one to change bulb , one to hold donuts. ; existentialists ? a fish . OK that last one is bad . so these two cheeseburgers walk into a bar, bartender looks up an says 'sorry , we don't serve food here ' . a blond is going 80 mph down the highway ,knitting , steering with her feet . a cop yells 'pull over' she says ' no, its a cardigan ' .
2007-03-01 14:31:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what does 2 + 1 make? The answer is 4 xD
Now if your a redneck you might say 2 + 1=3
2007-03-01 14:21:46 · answer #5 · answered by ~Whitney~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. The mama tomato, papa tomato, and baby tomato were walking down the sidewalk. The baby tomato couldn't keep up. The papa tomato turns around, stomps on the baby tomato, and says "catsup" (catch up).
2. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell Station (gas station).
2007-03-01 14:12:25 · answer #6 · answered by trishay79 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tickle These, Elmo
A blonde desperately looking for work goes into a toy factory.
The Personnel Manager goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy of her. The blonde answers that she really needs work and will take almost anything. The Personnel Manager hems and haws and finally says he does have a low skill job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo line and nothing else. The blonde happily accepts.. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and that she should come in at 8am the next day.
The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Tickle-Me-Elmo line manager comes in and starts ranting about the blonde just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is, the Personnel Manager suggested he be shown the problem.
Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the blonde just hired. She has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20 minutes of rolling around, he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says, "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."
Hello?" "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." ; "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause*** ***Even Longer Pause*** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . Is this 486-5731?"
2007-03-01 14:14:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
BAD: What's the difference between Jews and pizzas? Pizzas don't scream when they're in the oven.
GOOD:Do black people have nightmares?
Who knows we shot the only one who had a dream!
2007-03-01 14:18:09 · answer #8 · answered by Lone Hunter 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
if u r an American going into the bathroom and an american when u come out, what r u when u r in the bathroom???
yerapeein! European
2007-03-01 14:42:20 · answer #9 · answered by junebuggie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what did the tie say to the hat?...you go on a head I'll just hang around. ha ha ha!!!!!
2007-03-01 14:13:59 · answer #10 · answered by sassy cassy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋