Am I an abuser?

Question

I had a fight with a girl that I have been dating for two years. I pushed her in anger we were both in bed, but i didn't push her out of the bed. We are quite a physical couple and have play wrestles often and this shove was not harder than that. I honestly don't believe I could EVER hit a girl. This is the first time something like this has happened in two years. She has an abusive father and I have broken her trust and she has left me. Help! All opinions welcome. Thanks

Answer 1

I don't think you are an habitual abuser, but you have broken a trust and you need to give her time to built that trust back. You did abuse her, but I don't think that it's in your heart to do that again. You may never be able to gain her trust back, and you'll have to live with it. One time is more than enough for anyone. She was right to walk away. If you think that you could ever harm her again in any way (emotionally, sexually, physically, mentally), even by shoving her, then just walk away, because that is not what she needs. Look at it as a life lesson. I wish you good luck.

Answer 2

i wouldnt call you an abuser but if gone unchecked you could head down that road if you've started expressing your anger/frustration in a physical way. I dont think most abusers start off with full fledged beatings but with stuff like shoves. Then as they realize that maybe they get their way by doing that then it continually gets a little worse over time. However, maybe her leaving you is enough to jog in your head that it isnt ok to express anger in physical form. i would just say work on being more vocal about your feelings as girlie as that sounds. if you have another way of venting your anger then maybe it wont get put out with physical action.

Answer 3

Well if you are in Australia
you see the part in the add about
Violence Against Women
where the guy says he was only pushing her
& that don't make him an abuser etc
& the person comes back & says
YES YOU ARE
because thats how it starts with a little shove
so never do it again
train yourself to walk away when you are angry
& ask your partner to never follow you when you get cranky & to give you space!!! future partner or even the recent one as she may forgive you

Answer 4

Hitting and pushing in anger is abusive. You scared her and all of those feeling about her abusive farther came back.
You can hit in play, but not in anger.
It will be a long time before she forgives you if she ever does. Sorry to say, but you may have lost her forever.

Answer 5

You should never get physical with a woman out of anger. That is wrong. Play wrestling is alright as long as you aren't too rough. It doesn't matter if it was with the same force as when you're playing around, since it was out of anger, it was wrong.

Answer 6

If that's all you did, which was bad enough, still..it sounds like she was very sensitive about that issue. I don't think you are an abuser, but you should watch yourself with other people, especially women who are usually weaker than you are physically. Playing is cool as long as it's all in fun, but other than that, it's not. I wish you luck in getting her back. For you to ask this, you seem like a sensitive person.

Answer 7

Abusing always starts with yelling or pushing. You need to get some help with your anger problem

Answer 8

I am sure at this point she is just terrified because of her dad. Wondering if it could lead there.
Give her a little space, write to her or leave her a phone message telling her you love her, understand why she is scared, apologize again, remind her of your 2 years together, and tell her you give her time she needs.
It'll be okay.

Answer 9

What you did was wrong. Most girls would have gotten over it but because of her past experience she didnt want to take any chances. She did what was best for her. You should move on and never make this mistake again.

Answer 10

sounds like u can't control yourself when u get angry. u have alot of issues to work through here. why not try therapy through your local church. she seems to know how to push your buttons, and may have some childhood memories she still hasn't been able to work through, having to deal with abuse from a dad.