Why do people have kids if you don't contribute enough time to care for them?

Question

I was talking to someone that other day who said that one of there friends have two kids and both the parents work and have a nanny rase them. What is the point of having the kids if you aren't going to give up enough time to be with them?

Oh did I forget to mention they are very well off people!!! They both got really high paying jobs, and can afford PLENTY to spare.

Answer 1

I always hear the argument that you can't survive today without both parents working because things are so expensive. That one parent's pay won't be enough to put food on the table. I seriously doubt this is the case 90% of the time. People could afford to live on one salary if they were willing to give up unnecessary things for their kids. I know I'll get a lot of crap for saying this, but I've been there, so I know it's possible.

My kids are 7 and 6 and I have always been home with them. My husband does not have a college degree and up until this past year, we struggled financially. There was a time when he was making $30,000 a year and I was still home with my kids (they were babies then.) We lived in an apartment and had only one car. We shopped at ALDI and the kids wore hand-me-downs. I didn't buy myself new clothes for a LONG time, but I didn't really need them, because the stuff I had was fine. However, I would occasionally find a shirt or pair of shoes on clearance for $3, and treat myself. And, I want to add, this is all in NJ, which is not a cheap place to live. Sometimes, you have to be willing to give up the standard of living you're used to in order to be home with your kids

I can imagine all the wincing going on at the thought of living this way, but my kids were happy; they didn't know the difference. And I was (and am) happy knowing that I was giving them the as much of my time and attention as I could.

Answer 2

What's the matter are you jealous that some people are well off enough to be able to afford a nanny? Since you don't live with the family 24/7 How do you know how much time they spend with their kids? Since they're so well off they probably take some great family vacations and spend a lot of time with the kids that way. Is it hurting you that these people have a nanny? Are YOU paying their bills or are they paying their own bills as well as taxes?

Answer 3

I am a mum of 2 and work. I have a nanny for my boys. Just because a family has a nanny does not mean the parents do not spend enough time with their children. I spend a lot of time with my boys, I wish I could spend more but I have to work. My nanny is not rasing my boys she is taking care of them for me while I am at work.

Answer 4

I wonder the same thing. My mom always said have a career or be a mom. My husband and I both had moms that stayed at home. I'm a stay at home mom, but there's things you have to give up. I have an older car so he could buy a new truck. We live in a smaller house than I'd like, and we don't waste money. It is good for women to work though, because sometimes you go crazy being with kids all day, and plus with today's divorce rate, a stay at home mom may have to end up working in case of a divorce.

Answer 5

I totally agree with you these days parents dont spend alot of time with there children but i also understand that people have to work to bring money home. So its a tough one. Everything has gone up and parents cant afford to have one work and the other take care of the kids these days you need 2 incomes to pay off everything.

I understand the question why have kids if youll do that, but people have kids cos they want them and choose to bring kids up that way wether they like it or not.

Parents should spend more time to bring children up the right way. Anyway dont worry about other peoples business just raise your children the way you want to thats all that matters.

Answer 6

Not everyone gets to pick the cards life deals them. When I was younger, I dreamed of getting married to a man who had a really well paying job, having a nice house, a nice car, and being a stay-at-home mom, who would meet her husband at the door every evening and say "Hi honey, how was your day? Dinners on the table." That didn't happen however.

I do the best I can with what I have. I don't ever leave my kids with a sitter, unless I am at work. I don't go out with co-workers after work, I go straight to pick up my kids.

If every woman waited to have kids until she has the resources to stay at home with them 24/7, there would be alot of women who wouldn't ever have kids. Most of us wish we had the options that other women have, but some of us just don't.

Answer 7

I agree. My husband and I married quite young and because of that and work duties, we waited 8 years before we had our daughter. We never regretted waiting. I did go back to work after she turned 2 years old, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. But I was with her for the first 2 years of her life and never regret it. We were also more mature to not have the wanderlust and were more than happy to spend our extra time with her doing fun family things. She is a wonderful, well adjusted young woman now and we are very proud ofher.

Answer 8

Keeping in mind that the person you were talking to a) shouldn't have been gossiping anyway, and b) obviously colored it to infer that the parents didn't take care of their children (for all you know, the nanny isn't a live-in; she's a full-time babysitter who has nights and weekends to herself), I don't think it's your place to be judging anyone on how they raise their children.

What's wrong with them being wealthy? I have to say, if I had a high-paying job I'd hire a nanny, too. Don't get me wrong; I love not working (except for housework) and spending time with my son, but I'd like more adult interaction that doesn't involve kids in my life. If I want to meet my friend for lunch, I have to bring my son with me and tolerate whatever behavior he decides to dish out. Plus, it tends to cast a pall on most conversations when all you have to talk about is your kids.

Obviously, these people feel their professional lives are as important as their personal lives; it would be great if we could all work high-paying jobs AND take our kids along for the ride, but that just doesn't work. Judging people who have attempted to balance personal fulfillment and family development in the way these people have makes you look either a) self-righteous, or b) bitterly jealous, or c) both. Take your pick.

Answer 9

Thats a good question. I worked for a while after my daughter was born because I had to. Then my husband got a raise and I quit because theres nothing better than being able to spend more time with my daughter. I love being a stay-at-home mom.

Answer 10

what to you is ENOUGH time i am a stay at home mom and my husband works 65 hours a week to support us and then he is also in the army reserve so i have enough time to spend with my baby but he doesnt and as soon as my daughter turns 5 i am going to send her to school and im assuming you dont have a problem with that i dont see why one parent has to completely devote all their time in order to make a child feel cared for I love to spend time with my daughter but i would love a job too especially since she is not going to be home all day forever while i dont agree with another person completely raising a child you "wanted" i dont think that it is all that necessary to spend every waking moment with them either as long as your friend and her hubby take care of the baby while they are at home i dont see any reason why this should concern you at all