how do you deal with your teen hurting your feelings?

Question

what do you do? Tell them? I did. Punish them? did that too. My heart hurts over the things she says to me. How do you handle it?

she refuses to talk to me or let me talk, so I cant figure out whats going on in her mind. HELP!

Answer 1

Mine are grown, but I used to try to keep in mind that it is a very normal part of growing up for young people to separate emotionally from their parents. They are not good at it and that's why sometimes the only way they can figure out how to do it is to get angry. They still need their parents but at the same time are trying to separate themselves from their parents. They get frustrated. They themselves don't even know what they want. when they say hurtful things, a good response is to remain calm realizing that they are going through a phase, remind them that you love them and have their best interests at heart, and that this tumultuous time is just temporary until they finish growing.
Best wishes, dear! They come back around once they are adults!

Answer 2

Try not to take it personally though I don't know what she is saying to you. Try to be empathetic with her and show her you love her. I wouldn't go the punishing route because she is older and she is probably in pain to be lashing out like this. Try to find out if she has gotten into drugs or drinking alcohol...sometimes the parents are the last to know and this will change a teens personality...but don't accuse or be harsh. Do you believe in prayer? Pray for her each day if you do. Take care of yourself too. Take a break exercise, get a massage, manicure anything to help you relax because this can be stressful. Take care. It will get better!

Answer 3

Don't be hurt...be flattered...your teen is going through a lot of different emotions right now and some they cant quite handle...I have a son who is about to turn 23 next month...he used to say the most awful things to me sometimes from out of no where...I asked him about that not too long ago and he told me he lashed out at me NOT because he hated me (although he thought so at the time) but because I was safe...no matter how badly he acted, no matter what awful thing came out of his mouth....he knew I would still love him....others might turn away but mom would be there for him no matter what....so like I said, be flattered....on some level your teen is turning to the one she trusts the most to be there for her.....

Answer 4

I told them. It gave them more power to hurt me. Punish them. I did simply over the disrespect. Let them go as far as they wanted. I had to. Pick them up when they fell. That I did to. When they were hell bent ,bound and determined all I could do was stand fast,pray and be there for the aftermath. The hardest job I have ever and will ever hold. But the one thing that is a constant is my love for them. And that means the world to them and to me.

Answer 5

i learned to tune it out. my heart doesn't hurt so much anymore. i tell myself they don't really know how to express themselves yet and i am the safe zone. the scratching post ,if you will. many will say i'm giving in or not teaching them but after so many years of it, i prefer to think of it as keeping my sanity.

Answer 6

Talk firmly

Answer 7

Sounds to me like it's time to remind her that you are her mother and that as long as she is living under your roof you expect to be respected and that you expect her to answer you when you talk to her. It's called respect. Don't ask for it. Demand it. If she doesn't comply, tell her to hit the streets. Headache... please!!! She'd have a headache when I got through reading her.

Answer 8

ignore it