Can ex-wife prevent me from seeing my boyfriend's children?

Question

My boyfriend's wife is vindictive and hates me. She stated that if I ever see his children again, even though she admitted that I am good to the children and they love me, she will have my medical records subpeoned. We were friends as teenagers so she knows my history. I attempted suicide as a teenager, but recieved extensive therapy and became a better and stronger person because of it and used this past as a positive experience by earning a degree in social work and helping others cope with pain. She said she would use my suicide attempt against me. When she was in her twenties, she attempted suicide by stabbing herself and required medical treatment. However, she did not recieve therapy. Can she really keep me from the kids because of my past suicide attempts? What can I do to protect myself as well as deal with her hateful behavior. I don't want to leave my boyfriend because I love him very much. I'll put up with it if I have to, but would prefer an alternative method.

I'm not the reason she's an ex. We were all friend s15 years ago. He looked me up after their divorce. Current drama is that she called him and told him I called her at work, even though I don't know where she works and told her I'm going to have him arrested as soon as he comes over. She said I am going to accuse her of molesting my kids and stealing from me. I'm not sure it is worth all this. This is insane.

The only proof I have of her threats is that her daughter told me she was worried about me because her mom said if she ever saw me she would hit me. But I wouldn't put her in the position to testify against her own mother. I did ask my boyfriend to tape record her so that I could have proof. I wonder how long all this will last or if she will eventually just grow bored and give up.

Answer 1

Are you the reason shes the ex? if that has something to do with it then shes just angry, hurt and that takes time. all you can do is be there for the kids and in time they will make their own minds up. she can't stop the boyfriend from getting them or who he has them around as long as its not Bad for them and he's paying his child support....
best thing to do is just make light of it and let it pass...

Answer 2

If you decide to stay in this relationship you need to start documenting everything. You have to protect yourself and especially your professional reputation. This may just be too
much baggage but on the other hand why should she win.
If this relationship is what you want you might look into what resources are available to help her. She can't have much of a life if all her time is centered on hurting you.
You shouldn't worry about what happened in your teenage years....look what you've accomplished with your life....it speaks for itself....If the children are old enough to give testimony about how they feel about you it will only show the judge how jealous their mother is...that's disappointing but I wouldn't hesitate to pull out all the stops to stay protected at this point.
Use your professional expertise to your advantage. Treat her as though she were a client in need of serious help. By documenting all encounters you can have available everything a judge would need to see. It might even come to the point of a judge court ordering the help for this woman.
This woman has no real power over any of you...She cannot destroy you if you don't let her. Take back your personal power.

Answer 3

She's full of crap. The only way medical records could be subpoenaed is if there were some legal battle or abuse on your part, which is not the case. Just keep being a stable female role in the children's lives and assure them that their mother isn't going to hurt you and that you are there for them even if their mother doesn't understand. Tell them to not talk about you to their mother and maybe her jealousy will subside. She's only pushing her children away from her and closer to you by acting this way. Just lay low when she's around just to keep the peace. When the children are older they will likely look to you for support rather than their mother. They will remember how you kept the peace. Good luck.

Answer 4

She can't subpoena any medical records unless she is a lawyer and you haven't stated that. She seems to be making threats that really hold no real validity. Fear makes people do and say a lot of things. Just sit tight and whatever you do do not respond to her that is what she wants. She will grow tired of it all when she can't get a rise out of you. She sounds like a woman that has a lot of time on her hands and is a very angry person. Just keep a log of all the things she does to you and the statements she has made w/ dates if at all possible in case you need to use it as proof in the future. I doubt this will pan out she will get board and move on to another poor soul.

Answer 5

I am going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend is not yet legally divorced (will be this coming March) and his wife has been trying to use my past medical history to keep me from their 4 kids. He has full physical custody because she is absolutely horrible and their kids want nothing to do with her, they want me. I'm not the reason she's the ex, SHE'S the reason because she would always fight with my boyfriend, always yell at him, beat him, beat the kids, hated my daughters (my boyfriend is their father also), and is just a complete vindictive B! She has attempted suicide many times, but is not in treatment for it. I have known her for 11 years, we were NEVER friends, and just now my boyfriend was able to move out, buy his own house, and CPS told him to take all 4 of their kids with him because if he left them with her they'd put the kids in foster care because they know she sucks as a mother. Her visits have been suspended more times than I can count. I do have Bipolar, and was hospitalized for it in 2004 and 2005, but not since, and have been in treatment for over 7 years. A year ago December I graduated from college with a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice degree, highest honors, first deaf graduate of my local campus. Yet none of that seems to matter to my boyfriend's soon-to-be ex, or even the court. She dumped my entire history on the court's desk. She lost her case against my boyfriend for full custody of the kids, so now she's trying to use my history to get the kids taken away from him even though, as i said, they want nothing to do with her at all. Can she legally keep me from them? Can she use my history against me?

Answer 6

She's not going to grow bored, and she's not going to give up. She cannot hole your suicide attempt against you, you have moved on with your life and are no longer "unstable". The courts would see that. The constant threats are punishment/control. She has no control over whether or not you are with her ex, but she can control your happiness by making threats all the time and making you worried, scared and miserable. And unless she actually takes your spouse into court, thats all they are is threats. The courts (judge) are not going to support banning you from the kids without substantiated evidence that you have harmed the kids. The court system is very used to people coming in with false acusations to try to keep the kids to themselves, so they aren't just going to straight up take her word for it.

Answer 7

As long as your boyfriend has visitaion rights with his kids, what he does with his kids, in his time , is his buisness , not hers. If he includes you in there life, and he feels it is ok, only a court, can ultimatly decide if you are to be near kids or not. A suicide attempt, does not mean you are a bad person and shoiuld not be around kids. A court will not take your boyfriends rights away of attempting to supply his kids with a normal family atmosphere, by including you in to his kids lives, unless u have phisically hurt them and actions have been taken. You should suggest that you try to have a grown up talk with his ex, and explain that her actions are unfounded, and you want only the best for those chidren. Another thing...he can requst a mediation through the courts, to set the rules and guidlines for both parents...explaining to each,, so that the court can explain to his ex, that she cannot stop you from seeing the kids, and they may require her into counceling if so needed. It might be good for everyone to go to counceling anyhow, just to learn how to keep the peace, for the child's sake. good luck!

Answer 8

You shouldnt be dating a friends ex-husband - PERIOD.

I feel completly sorry for those children to be surrounded by you 3.

If you dont want the drama and the hurt move on. You put yourself in this position. You hurt her by getting with her ex and now talk of her as vindictive. Um kinda sick.

They arent your kids. They dont need the tension and stress of adult BS games. Dont put the kids in the middle and make them choose (as you said they do love you too right- you are playing them and they arent a prize or pawn here).

Why ask this question in the first place? Do you need permission from strangers to give it back to her?

The courts may question your judgement and mental stability, especially if there is issues on custody and access. Depending on the details it can make it or break it. You may have a degree in social work but I tend to question why you would compromise (I see it that way) you judgement. Your BF's ex is still obviously hurt. Realize your role in it.

If you love this guy this is an area you would let him deal with completly and would have stayed out of. Time could have worked its way out but...At some point he may have to choose between you and his children. Is that fair to them or to him?

Move on and find a healthy relationship. You are better and stronger than this and I think you know it. A clean slate is what you need. I know you may want him but sometimes things dont work that way.


Paradox

Answer 9

I think she can but NOT BASED on your medical history it will be really hard for her to sopina YOUR records cause of the hippa act and the fact you were a minor but load up your evidence that you were treated and LOTS of pics with you and the kids HAPPY times video you with the kids. But before you put yourself threw all this make sure your relationship is going somewhere cause this is time consuming, expensive, and stressful but bottom line I believe she can PS I made it to where my ex couldnt have his GF overnight at his house and trust me I checked but she was abusing my child (hes been adopted since then by my hubbie now)

Answer 10

I would not worry at all! They will not hold your past against you when you can prove that you have a stable life now. I imagine that you have people at work and in your personal life that could act as character witnesses. She needs to be careful however, because all of this could be used against her to get custody of her kids. Document everything! She is just trying to scare you off; do not let her ruin your relationship with your boyfriend. That is her real goal!!

Answer 11

Just ignore the crazy biatch and go on with your life. Don't let her assinine threats even be heard. Ignore her. Don't talk to her and don't worry.

The father of the children apparently doesn't have a problem with you and I think perhaps the children do not have a problem with you.

The fact is - she still wants him and she is doing what everyone should not do - that is - using the children as a pawn in a failed relationship. She's a nut and not worth your time.

Just pretend she doesn't exist. Refuse to talk about her and refuse to talk with her.