more mature ladies, i need your help!?

Question

Before I start, i will say now that i want serious responses only, otherwise i will report you!
OK, my partner is a lot older than me (32 years infact) and he is virtually impotant. We havent made love for 4 months, and although he is really affectionate in other ways, I am struggling to cope.
I love him to death, but I am not sure he loves me. If he does, surely he could work harder to improve his problem. I dont want to pressurise him as he must be feeling quite bad about it already, but at the same time i miss the intimacy loads. He knows how I feel, and he also knows that i satisfy myself, so to speak and he says thats fine. Im just really confused! What can I do? Does he love me? does he really mind that i sort myself out? how can i help him?
If you have had a similar experience, please share your knowledge!
Thanks!!!

Thanks for all your answers so far. I`m 24, he is 56. Weve been together a year, and although he managed before it was always short lived.
He has been to the Dr previously, before we were together and said it was quite traumatic.
Thanks
XXX

Answer 1

Sorry to hear about your problem.
Can I ask how long you've been together.
Is this a new problem or have things changed suddenly.

My mum had the same problem with my dad.(She felt she could share her concerns with me as we have a good relationship like that, and I am nurse )

I'm afraid that for them there was no magic solution.Gradually lovemaking became less and less frequent and inspite of her trying to initiate things he would not respond.and she felt unable to talk things through with him.

I don't think she missed sex in itself just the feeling that she was desirable and wanted.

Older men I think can find lovemaking more difficult and this can be embarrassing so they stop wanting to try.It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. I'm sure he does I know my dad loved my mum!!
It just can be so hard to talk about these things.
Sorry I have no magic answer, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I hope you recieve some useful suggetions!!
I don't know if I count as mature I'm 37 will that do!

Answer 2

Yeah i've had a similar experience. My partner was 20 years older than me and refused to have sex with me for SIX years - said he had problems getting it up and although i was sympathetic to him and just accepted it, the thing that bothered me was that he wasn't willing to do anything about it whatsoever. I think it actually came down to lazyness as he'd watch porn all the time and that seemed to satisfy him, while i lay upstairs and never was given any physical affection. I was in my mid 20s at the time. In the end, i couldn't go on any longer living like that - all he was interested in was his work, drinking and porn. I didn't fit in anywhere and i had enough and left. I've since met someone else who has changed my whole life for the best. The sex is fantastic now and it makes me wonder how i put up with a sexless relationship for 6 years. Your other half is being unfair and selfish. Tell him he'll have to go to the docs or do something about it, or you'll leave as sex really is a big important part of any relationship and it gives you a good feeling. Good luck.

Answer 3

OK he is the same age as me and i have great difficulty in getting it up to make love then when i do i then suffer premature ejaculation this i have suffered for the last 2 years i have seen the doc he said belive it or not that i am going thru the male menopause give it time and it will work or use Viagra how ever i find that going to the gym has helped not a lot but but it is working get him to give it a try all the best now

Answer 4

There are many ways to make love without the act itself. Him knowing that you can satisfy yourself should actually be a turn on to him and he should join in. Have you ever asked him too? I did have a similar experience for awhile as the man I was with just hadn't had sex for 7 years!! He isn't weird he was just alone for a while and wasn't a tramp!! (he used to be) he couldn't shall we say last but a minute or two for awhile but by us doing other things together or him watching me it took care of it!! He wasn't impotent like your partner but if he is really interested in you having enjoyment he should help out a bit. Maybe he is embarrassed and you need to initiate it.

Answer 5

Has he expressed any interest in fixing the problem? If he hasn't, he may not want to. Some men don't like the idea of using aids like Viagra and such, and for some men with heart issues it's dangerous anyway. Does he not try to satisfy you? Have you talked to him about that? There are ways to be very intimate and sexually satisfying without having intercourse. If he doesn't even make an attempt to satisfy you, I would take that as a hint that he doesn't really care that much, and start looking for someone else. Sorry.

Answer 6

He's 32 years older than you? Or you're like, in your twenties, and he's 32?
Either way, I hate to say it, but the basic human instinct is to have sex. Lots of sex. If a person can't do that for you- the actual reality is that it might not work. Literally. They can be the nicest, kindest, most gentlemanly like person in the world, but if they aren't pleasing you, then you shouldn't be with them. It's a lie to you, and it's a lie to them. Don't forget: Relationships are about YOU. Each person has the same agenda- that is to be pleased. This is purely animalistic, and also quite an annoyance to some people, but that is what we are. Talk to him about it. Tell him your needs, your wants, and explain that it bothers you. Love is about getting BOTH parties needs met, not just one.
Remember that.
Good luck.

Answer 7

I was reading about this today funnily enough. Its not you no, but im not surprised you think it is, I'd feel the same.
Men who suffer this problem tend to recoil from their partners and feel embarrassed about the situation. This is only becuse they dont want to face the same problems over and over again.
Maybe you could encourage him to go and see a doctor as there are so many ways in which they can help. You could go together if this is too uncomfortable for him.
Another idea is why not pleasure yourselves without intercourse?
This will enable him to regain his confidence as he can pleasure you without actually having intercourse.
This in itself can resolve psychological causes, as it takes the pressure off the man to perform.
As long as you are willing to face your worries together, and that is the key here, you will im sure get to what is causing this, and resume your sex life.
Good luck

Answer 8

Well mine's 57 and he's just the same. He had viagra but to be honest it wasn't the dream solution its made out to be. Frankly, if I didn't feel like it and someone offered me a pill to 'cure' me I'd be deeply offended. I don't think there's a solution to it. He's not a bad husband at all but there's no prospect of anything physical. Maybe you and I should do a joint shirley valentine?

Answer 9

You don't say how old your partner is, but to be 32 yrs older, he is probably at least 60. He should be checked for prostate cancer, and prescription interference, before you both just write it off to age. Counseling could help, too. My husband and I are over 60 and intimacy have never been better; it just takes longer, which is better for me!!

Answer 10

I can sense your pain and frustration... I am a 37 year old female that has dated numerous older men... Men's libidos are high starting in their teens to their twenties... yet, that passion tapers off as they get older. Due to embarrassment, most act as though age has nothing to do with their lack of "passion"... that isn't the case, though... Science proves that sperm count and semen lessen as men age, and so many of them suffer from the same condition your partner does... The huge difference, however, is that men do not have the societal freedom to discuss this issue! Look at the main topics they discuss with friends... politics, sports, money... where does one squeeze in... what do you do when you cannot perform... Also... he has the added pressure of your youth... Your libido is probably raging very hot (mine sure was at 24... and the good news is... it gets even better for women as we age!), so he can't fake it as easily as a woman his age that probably isn't as interested in physical intimacy as she is emotional intimacy and friendship... Bottomline... If he's struggling with impotency... questioning his "love" for you will be detrimental to your relationship... The act of intercourse has very little to do with true love... Have him suck your nipples as you pleasure yourself... There's nothing that can make you more vulnerable as truly letting go with him in that fashion... that can bring you closer together and strengthen your intimacy and emotional bond while it fullfills your physical needs... AND the image that he sees during this might fuel his desire for more... When men struggle with being able to perform sexually, you'll notice that they need stronger "stimulis" to get hard... Nothing like a young female that you love working herself while you're sucking her nipples to get a man going... Just be loving to him... don't condemn him for not loving you for something that is completely out of his control... He is more heartbroken about it than you'll ever know... His pride just cannot allow him to show it... be gentle... and if you sincerely love him... love him warts and all... after all... don't you need unconditional love, too? Best of luck to you...