ok i have a boyfriend i have been dating for a little over a year and he's very abusive and controlling he has beaten me numerous times had me in the hnospital and made me do alot of unneccesary things in my life. im really emotionally hurt about this but the thing is i grew to love him and now that he's been locked up since nov.29,2006 i sat back and realized that i deserve much better and i dont wanna be with him no more. now lets say its kinda hard to say that to him just like that without getting slapped or beaten on. he has broke into my family's home many times looking for me to beat me and threatened them also he is really CRAZY! and i want him out of my life. he gets out of jail may 10,2007 and i dont want to get hurt anymore cuz i made up my mind that im gonna move on and do better things so..what should i do seriously? this is not a joke.
2007-03-01 09:26:28 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
move on - literally & emotionally. maybe even consider a restraining order.
2007-03-01 09:30:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a restraining order. You should also get an alarm system for your house. You may want to leave town. What ever happens don't get back together with him. If you work nights then switch to day shift. Post a picture of him up at your job so that other employees will know to call the cops if he shows up. Do not go anywhere alone for a while. It might be better if you stayed single as getting together with someone else might trigger something. Good luck. Do not open your door with out checking first (get a peep hole installed). Get a concealed weapons permit, take target practice, and buy a gun. Take self defense classes to. Tell you friends and family to do the same. Good luck and stay safe.
2007-03-01 09:39:39 · answer #2 · answered by dumbblond 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move, alert the police, or find someone to live with that you can trust and will protect you. Like a brother or other male relative. It may help you mentaly to take up karate or some other self defense. While you should never try to fight a person, much less a stronger, larger male. Learning a martial art will help you to regain confidence, which i am sure has been shattered. Buy a gun again never with the intent to use but to regain confidence. talk to the police, and move. The options I have laid out and the options others will post are all irrelevant if it does not make you happy. Do what you think is right and safe.
2007-03-01 09:35:28 · answer #3 · answered by Dez Myr 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
1st - good for you for realizing you deserve better.
People like this, seldom change. And the abuse just gets worse as time passes.
It would probably be too much for you and your family to move BEFORE he gets out.
You show him serving less than 1 year "in jail" - so its a jail and not a state run prison. That impacts what can be done. (If he was in prison, then a condition of his parole could be that he stays away from you.)
I would suggest you go talk to the police and ask about getting a restraining order served on him. Get one for him to stay away from you and your family. Then if he comes around, you call the police - they will arrest him - and he goes back to jail.
If you do not get help from the police, then go to Legal Aid or a shelter for abused women (look in your phone book). What is avaliable varies from one town to another. What we have available in Richmond, Virginia, USA, may be very different than the organizations in your area.
But you should be able to get some help.
Also, start contacting these people now. And keep a diary of who you contact and who you talk to and what the dates are. If you have to push to get help, you can show that you were not getting the help these people should offer. It is best to sent a letter - and get a copy for your files.
If you have no success going this route - contact your local tv station. Some of them have a "On Your Side" where they try to help viewers solve their problems. A little publicity form the tv stations helps to get some people off their butts so they do what they are suppose to.
In many states, there is a zero tolerance policy on domestic abuse (after Nicole Simpson). This means, if the police are called they must make an arrest. Some police do not like this. I have ridden on patrol with the police several times. On every trip, they warned me about responding to domestic abuse cases. They warned me that if we got one, and we had to stop a man from beating a woman - to NEVER turn my back on the woman. Many times, the woman will fight the police to protect "her man".
2007-03-01 09:44:25 · answer #4 · answered by John Hightower 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to get an order of protection. Although if he's as unstable as you say he is, sad to say,it may not mean anything to him and he'll try to come after you anyway. I don't know how old you are but you may want to consider moving away. I know it may seem drastic, but it is better that, than he take your life or seriously hurt you. I've seen too many women, beat, stabbed, burned and heaven knows what else all while an order of protection was out there.
Contact a battered womens shelter right away, they will talk to you and point you in the right direction. Please do not sit back and "wish" the situation away, be proactive.
Good luck and God bless.
2007-03-01 09:43:41 · answer #5 · answered by fefe917 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would like to commend you for acknowledging that this is not a healthy way of living. I would think your first step would be to be to tell him this before he gets out of jail in a letter maybe so he can act a nut in jail and get more time added to his sentence so you would get more time to plan your next move then maybe go to the police and get a restraining/protective order against him I would also like to add that the minute you just "took" the abuse you gave him control over you dont EVER do that again you let him get away with the abuse for far to long good luck and God Bless!
2007-03-01 09:42:31 · answer #6 · answered by Friday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's been locked up since November of last year? He's beaten you up many times? Broke into homes looking for you?
I'm not sure where to start, here. You haven't been dating this man, you've been his punching bag. Go back and re-read your post. Understand the senselessness of your situation. He's not a boyfriend, he's a brute. There's no love in your relationship just massive dysfunction and if you don't GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS PATHETIC "THING" YOU HAVE, YOU MIGHT JUST END UP BEING KILLED.
Seriously. You're life is on the line.
You've got just over a year before he gets out. Take advantage of this freedom. He IS out of your life right now. Use this time to physically move on and to move on emotionally. Seek help for abused women. Get counseling and allow someone to help you develop the fortitude and strength to leave..the two things that being berrated verbally and punched phsysically take away. Contact the social services department in your city or county. There are tons of abuse hotlines and websites that can help you. See the source references I included below.
Don't blame this on your social status, your educational level or lack there of. Abusive relationships aren't selective. They appear, tragically in every strata of society.
Cut off all contact with him in jail Cut off all contact with his family and friends.
Make the call, send the e-mail, JUST DO SOMETHING, PLEASE!!!!!!
Your life is worth saving, but it's up to you to do it.
DO IT NOW!!!!!
Good luck. And I mean that.
2007-03-01 09:43:05 · answer #7 · answered by I am Laurie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once I examine your final question and persons have been asserting 'he's abusing you, get out' i assumed that they have got been being somewhat over the suited. yet now you have defined the area somewhat greater, then i might agree that he's emotionally abusing you in such quite a few strategies. Am I misreading this, or are you asserting which you're locked interior your abode on the 2nd and you will't get out? What if something got here approximately - an accident? a hearth? He sounds like he's lots previous being an ar$ehole. My husband is SO distinctive to that. working example, the day previous he have been given abode after a 40 8 hour very demanding organisation holiday to Holland, and promptly away took my son to the park for an hour so as that i'll have a harm! He then positioned my son interior the tub, examine him a narrative till now mattress and helped me cook dinner the dinner. of course i comprehend I also have a solid guy, yet you need to be dealt with with admire and to be helped with the youngster who's as lots his as yours. regrettably any next steps for you're extensive and that i'm particular very frightening. it extremely is undemanding for persons to declare 'get out' in spite of the undeniable fact that it is not definitely carried out. i think of you should supply him a solid piece of your ideas and start up getting some greater money out of him for a start up.
2016-11-26 22:48:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should move from where you are living now. If this is not an option try to get a restraining order because the beating will not stop and you might end up dead. You might even have to see a counselor to get therapy to make sure you are not emotionally connected to him any more. It can be hard but you have to do something.
2007-03-01 09:39:40 · answer #9 · answered by mommysgirl78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a restraining order served on him the day he gets out of jail in May. In the meantime, move to a different address if you possibly can and change yuor phone number so he can't contact you. Include your familys home in the places he isn't allowed to go as a part of the restraining order.
2007-03-01 09:41:41 · answer #10 · answered by Country girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to your local courthouse and file a "protective order"...not restraining, but protective order on him.
he will be served the order and that should let him know you don't want to be with him anymore and it will also let him know if he comes near you at any address including school that he will be arrested.
the protective order is good for 2 years and at that point you can go back to the judge and have it extended for another 2 years...forever
you do not have to go to court to do this
you just fill out paperwork and go before the judge
in your situation that you have described the judge would definitely order one
it is good to do it now so you know where he can be served the papers...in jail...so he is sure to get them
then you have to carry your papers on you all of the time (in your purse)...any time he approaches you...anywhere...you can have him arrested.
hope this helps
be cool...
2007-03-01 09:35:06 · answer #11 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋