I bought Mum's walk-in bath. I bought her a motorised scooter. Now mother wants a stair lift but she lives in a bungalow. "Hettie (My younger sister) wouldn't deny me." We haven't seen Hettie since she ran off with the manager of the Bell and Whistle and the takings, 25 years ago. I've a good mind to get one fitted and shoot her out through the roof and into the swimming pool (Which I also paid for) It's all cheaper than a nursing home. What would you do?
2007-03-01 08:54:23 · 20 answers · asked by Harriet 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Take it this is a joke and Harriet and Hetty are the same person??? Stair lift in a bungalow Mmmmmm! Incidentally it would be cheaper in a nursing home, get her a council run one.
2007-03-01 09:01:45 · answer #1 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are a wonderful daughter. I would adopt you to look after me in my old age. I used to know a 96year old lady who would praise the children she hadn't seen or helped her in ages. Yet didn't have a good word for the son and two daughters who were at her beck and call 24/7. You know the old saying you always hurt the ones you love. Try and persevere it will be worth it in the end. Your Hettie should be vivlified not praised but she is your sister no matter what, my sister hasn't spoken to me in 7 years no great loss but my son and daughter and grandaughter didn't upset her yet she will have nothing to do with them. Try and reconsider a nursing home that old lady 96 year was the life and soul of the party she used to ask for a gingered haired toy boy and say she had cobwebs and wrinkles down below as she was a widow of 30 years she loved her tot of whiskey in her tea and a glass of sherry every day, but withered away and died in the nursing home when her son and 2 daughters died, the others that didn't look after her they put her in there, those very ones that she praised. Keep thinking would I want my Mum to wither in a nursing home or have her here being a pain in the butt ,prasing people who don't deserve it you do ,you deserve a medal keep up the good work and the rewards will be tenfold.
Best wishes
2007-03-02 01:13:58 · answer #2 · answered by Scotty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your mom because it sounds like she is taking advantage of you. I only say this because she brings up your sister when you deny her something or if you disagree with her.
Tell her that you will get her the stairlift because it's what Hettie would have done, then ask her if you should also run away because that's what Hettie did too.
It sounds like your mom is using you as an oulet for her resentment about Hettie running away. Tell her that you are not Hettie and if she wants Hettie she should find her.
I know this doesn't sound fair but what she is doing to you isn't fair either. It sounds as though you are bending over backwards for her and doing everything that you can and it just isn't being appreciated.
2007-03-01 17:07:11 · answer #3 · answered by greenfan109 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha h! Funniest thing I have read on here yet - and I'm on level 6! OMG I know just how you feel! I got the joyous task of looking after my dementing parents in their dotage too, as my irresponsible brother couldn't be bothered and no one else wanted to know! You have to handle it with humour, I should just use that stair lift as a jokey threat now and then when she starts playing up! Or tell her you'll send her to Hettie. That might do it. Pick the phone up and pretend to speak to a travel agent about a flight or train fare or bus to wherever Hettie is!
2007-03-01 23:46:38 · answer #4 · answered by rose_merrick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just kindly remind her that if she wants a version of Hattie instead of you, (and dosent value the reality of the situation)-which is that you are the one who has been there for her NOT hattie, then ask if you can start by taking her life savings to make it that bit more realistic, and possibly dissappear which would make it even more realisitic. Remind her how ungrateful shes being as its not just small children who are capable of denying reality.
I am outraged. Everytime she says those things it is like saying you havent been there for her all these years. Why is someone who ran away 25 yrs ago being held up as better than you? Has she looked after your mum? no. Has she been in contact at all? no. Will your mum ever see her again? probably no. So why does she make out that hattie is much more of better person than you? no basis for it what so ever. If she wont listen then tell her that hattie isnt here anyhow so no stairlift anyway. Tell her that if a stairlift means more to her than having a daughter who has looked after her for yrs and hasnt run off, then shes definitley not getting one!
2007-03-02 08:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by Zinc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She, your mother, is pushing all the guilt buttons on you. Don't let her get away with it.
Just tell her, if she wants the stair lift, have Hettie, buy it. I think you have done enough, and if she isn't grateful, then so be it.
I think she will change her tune, when you aren't there with your check book in hand, buying her this and that.
You are being taken for granted.
2007-03-01 17:00:31 · answer #6 · answered by johnb693 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sell your mother, get Hettie to buy her own roof-lift, and swim in the pool.
2007-03-01 17:35:23 · answer #7 · answered by fruitbat7711 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think we should take care of our elderly parents later in life. We are all they have. We owe it to them afterall they raised us.
It should not be a burden though,and theyshouldn't expect luxuries. Provide her with what she NEEDS. When it gets to where you can's provide her the health care she needs you will have to find some help for her, nursing home etc.
Sounds like you are in this alone. My dad took care of his dad , his sisters were not financially able to. He has never regretted it.
Do what is in your heart. You know Best! The stairlift is a bit much when she doesn't have stairs? Sometimes as we age we lose a little of out senses, So she will need you to make those decisions for her. Be smart in your thinking. She will need to get some exercise some way.
You may miss all this later, But it doesn't sound like you'll have any regrets that you have taked care of her.
Remember to take care of you too!!!!!!!
2007-03-01 17:06:13 · answer #8 · answered by ladybugjan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it should never really be about money, but at the same time lets face money does not grow on trees -- develop a plan that best fits both your needs and your pocket. talk to all parties involved -- you may want to look into grants to help with your needs -- check it out you will be surprised on all the things that government will give money for. Stop take a step back research and talk about what the needs are, then make a plan then GO Go go. everyone should enjoy the benefit.
2007-03-01 17:01:49 · answer #9 · answered by Quest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, do your best to get back in touch with Hettie, gently ease her back into her relationship with your Mum and quietly slip into the background allowing her and Mum to rekindle their lost years, thus allowing you to be free of the ungrateful Madam. Good Luck. I did it with my sister, took a long time, but it was worth it.
2007-03-02 02:49:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋