My friend has been married for 2 years. She NEVER wants to have children. Her husband wants to have at least one child and is hoping she will accidentally get pregnant or might change her mind.
My friend said if she ever did have a baby that she wouldn't feel like a good mother since she never wanted a kid.
Can a marriage like this work out? Have you been in this situation before?
2007-03-01 08:53:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
No. Wasn't this discussed before they got married? I always wanted kids and when a relationship got serious, I wouldn't stay with the guys who didn't want kids. It was just too important too me that I wanted to find someone who also wanted kids.
So when I met my husband, we talked about EVERYTHING before we got married from kids to where we wanted to live (on lots of land in the country) to who would handle the money to what type of bank accounts we'd have (one joint account), etc.
Kids and money are big reasons people get divorced, so a couple needs to discuss this stuff BEFORE they get married.
I'd have your friend talk with a marriage counselor. This can tear them apart if they aren't careful.
2007-03-01 08:59:58 · answer #1 · answered by happymommy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have never personally been in this position, but my husband and I have been married for 29 years and we've learned a few lessons along the way. Getting married is the easy part, staying married takes lots of hard work and compromise. Ideally, major issues should be discussed and decided on BEFORE the marriage, however, we were young (18 & 19) and foolish when we got married and hadn't a clue what we were doing. So, while it is wise to have "all your ducks in a row", we are proof that you can have a successful marriage even if you haven't discussed and decided on major issues before the marriage. Having children or not having children is definitely a MAJOR issue that should have been discussed before their marriage. Some differences are easily compromised on, such as he squeezes the toothpaste from the bottom and she squeezes from the middle can be solved by buying 2 tubes of toothpaste. Unfortunately, the baby issue isn't one that can be compromised on as easily -you either want kids or you don't. It is hard to predict the future of this marriage, a lot will depend on their commitment to each other and their marriage. It will likely take an outside person (a therapist or clergy) to help them work through this issue. They are both in a position to be unhappy and have their expectations unfulfilled which can be fatal to even the strongest marriage.
2007-03-01 09:39:22 · answer #2 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There will always be a tension if they can't compromise. At least they need to be honest about it with each other and agree that whichever one gets his/her "wish", it is OK with the other.
One way to think about it is to consider what would happen if one person suddenly couldn't have a child. For example, what if the woman had to have a hysterectomy --- would the husband still love his wife and stay in the marriage? I knew someone whose husband left her when she had to have a hysterectomy because he cared more about having children than about his wife.
2007-03-01 09:02:17 · answer #3 · answered by Larry 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid this will be a wedge in their marriage for its duration. My sister was in this situation. She wanted kids and hoped she could change her husband's mind. There was a lot of hurt and resentment. They divorced. My sister now has a daughter with her second husband and strangely enough, my former brother in law just welcomed his own daughter and couldn't be happier. Best of luck but they need counseling.
2007-03-01 09:43:50 · answer #4 · answered by duckygrl21 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just can't see this marriage working out. Having children is a huge part of a marriage and if one partner isn't interested the other will just end up resentful.
2007-03-01 11:05:45 · answer #5 · answered by Sylvia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I have not but you should back off
it seems to me that you have something against your friend
It is her marriage, her life, her husband
don't take sides let them deal with this personal issue on their own this ? which you have ask 2x make mw think that you have
a crush on the husband
well wait for him at least let him deal with the matter on his own
2007-03-01 09:08:01 · answer #6 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ordinarily i would say that a marriage like that would not work out but my aunt and uncle have been married for 35 years. he wanted children she did not. they do not have children and they stayed together because he loves her so. he made the sacrifice for her.
2007-03-01 09:04:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not unless one changes their mind. And not wanting kids, she'd be a lousy mother if he got her pregnant (and she didn't get an abortion).
2007-03-01 09:01:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋