Am i awful?

Question

The only time i seem to communicate eith my 4 year old son is when im shouting at him for not eating hir food, telling him to turn of cartoons which he has had on for hours cause his dad just lets him watch this crap all the time or when im trying to teach him things. I wirk 32 hours a week and don't seem to get any attention or joy from my little boy anymore. I never expected to feel this way. It's awful!!!

Answer 1

From one fairly to another, it gets easier - I promise. I wasn't much of a mum when my kids were that age but they're 7 and 8 now and we have a wonderful time :-)

x

Answer 2

I think you need a break love and soon!!

Firstly, although its hard quit the shouting. Would you like it if someone shouted at you all the time??

Children will not starve themselves! I know its frustrating when children don't eat, my daughter was the same but just put food there at mealtimes and if they don't eat it take it away with no fuss BUT do not give sweets either. He will soon come round.

With regards to 'telling him to turn the tv off', maybe you might want to speak to your other half about that after all he is the one letting him watch it.

I know it is hard being a parent, i have 2 girls so i know but try and just chill out a bit. If you wake up everyday thinking 'this is gonna be another bad day' it will be!

It might sound silly aswell but i find it so much more depressing being a parent in the Winter? Not long til spring now when you can get outside - the days don't seem as long then!

Hope you feel better soon xx

Answer 3

Shouting at your son isn't teaching him anything but resentment and feeling unloved. If you shout at him for not eating his food, don't you think this may upset him and make him a bit rebelious?. He may not like the food as many small children go through the picky stage. (i am talking from lots of experience). Maybe you should try praising him for what he does right, do things together, like hand painting, nature walks, leaf printing etc. I understand how hard it is, being a mum and holding down a job too, and the father just letting them watch cartoons, but you and your husband do need to have a chat about this and come to an agreement what will be the best for your son. Do you not have an hour to spare each day for your son?. Do you not have weekends for you all to spend time together?. try and work on this hun and your son will appreciate you much more for it. Hope all works out well for you.
Blessings x

Answer 4

You say you work a 32 hour week. That's pretty much working fulltime with a toddler to care for too. But it sounds really like you feel like you're parenting alone, when you do have a partner.

It sounds like you need some time for you.

Set aside at least one evening a week (more if you can) where you go out for a couple of hours or even longer - go to an evening class, aerobics maybe, or even just hook up with a friend. You sound like you need some female company and support, and also some time out from your family. Don't feel guilty, you have needs too!

When you're feeling more on top of yourself, you'll feel more able to deal with everything else.

In addition, you need to have a serious, calm conversation with your partner. But do it when you've had some time out - you'll feel much more like communicating reasonably, than venting your frustration which is what would happen if you do it before. Make sure you've had at least a couple of weeks thinking about yourself and putting yourself first, so that you're in a much better headspace when you try and turn things around.

Answer 5

It's sad that you are not enjoying being a mother right now and it's quite clear that its time to make some serious changes. It's certainly not a very healthy household and while I understand why others are trying to sugar coat things by telling you "it's ok, you're just stressed out right now" that won't solve your problems. I think you need to think about the root cause of your child's behaviors that are making you so unhappy and rather than fighting the same battles all the time make drastic changes in your household...if your child watches too much tv then remove it from the home, if he's not eating his food it's probably because he's filling up on snacks during the day so throw out and don't buy anything that isn't healthy, if he's not paying attention to you when you're trying to teach him something than you need to find creative solutions to make learning fun for him....all these things take time and energy but no one said parenting would be easy. If your husband isn't willing to be part of the solution then maybe it's time to see a family counselor. Good luck.

Answer 6

One thing I have tried with eating is to give my son the less preferred food first and then letting him know he can have a preferred item after he ate the first item. And I stick with it. Also put small portions in front of him because you can always add. Praise him when he eats even a little bit, he will catch on and try to eat more because he is getting postitive attention. Try setting a timer for the cartoons and then have a fun activity ready to do with him. He may be craving your attention as much as you wanting his. Find things to be positive about, even the littlest things. Give alot of verbal praise and hi-5's can do wonders. Give him warnings before turning off the cartoons so he is able to predict it is going to happen. Try to create activities he only does with you and he will look forward to them and you can have that time with him you so look forward to. Do not feel bad because your child frustrates you and you get mad. Once you have calmed down, try to determine why he is doing what he is doing and then work hard to do something different to change the outcome. Your son is also old enough to help make simple meals which he would probably be more willing to eat.

Answer 7

You seem very tense and stressed, the problem is not you and your son but more to do with your body, sounds like you are well and truly exhausted as a result you are feeling a bit run down and depressed, then you are blaming yourself and feeling guilty and wondering why, you feel like this, it just goes round in a circle, but you can break this by either cutting your hours and giving yourself some more you time or perhaps having a visit to a doctor. being a mum is a hard job at the best of times but working too just makes it so much more harder. You are not a bad mum, you love your son very much, its just a bad time for you, accept this and try to find a way to move on.

Answer 8

I had similar problems with my little boy not wanting to eat his food, but it is no good shouting at him. They just play up worse, and end up having food fads forever. Instead take the food away, don't offer anything else. When he is hungry he will say he is.

Alternatively if he hasn't ate a lot, then leave a plate of small sticks of vegetables, some fruits, or dried fruit to pick at when he fancies them.

As for the cartoons for hours on end, I think you need to have a quiet word with your partner, and tell him that you want him to limit your little boys viewing to whatever you think is the right amount.

You can have fun with him if you set aside even just one hour a day when you can do something like painting, or making things with dough, or even just sitting reading him a story.

No your you not awful, you just need a bit of helpful advice. You'll get there. They all have these phases.

Answer 9

I think a lot of working parents have been where you are. Have you tried having a special days just you and your son (no one else allowed sorry dad) Doesn't have to be once a week thing just a now and then thing. I started "bean days" so called cos my daughters nick name was beans,She was only 4 then, I would ask her how she wanted to spend the day. Sometimes we would go to the zoo sometimes just a carpet picnic in the house (food her choice) or sometimes just the park but she always chose what to do (within reason) and it was always fun for us both. We still do it sometimes now and she's 12!! Last Saturday we had a "bean day" and just her and I went for lunch and a walk round the shops. Worth a go even if you just get a couple of hours it gives you stuff to talk about too.

Answer 10

Hey! Its the weekend! Forget the washing, ironing, cooking and find a river to walk by, some trees to climb, a wood to explore (a big stick is obligatory!) Get some fresh air in those exhausted and jaded lungs and remember why you're alive - to enjoy the world!
As far as everything else is concerned, sounds like you need to compile a timetable, and stick to house rules rigidly for a while, you'll feel more in control. Don't tell him to turn off the cartoons, tell him, 'they're going off after this one so we can do some' colouring/reading/play-doh/dig the garden/wash the windows (my boy loves this as well as putting on gloves and laying old towels on the floor to chip the ice out of the freezer so the door will close (with an old spoon)). Housework can wait. Give hubby the day off, he can do whatever he likes, while you're out having fun with your son. Enjoy!

Answer 11

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