will this get any better?

Question

I have never really suffered from depression ,yet right now I am having a very bad episode. My father died 8 weks ago . At first I was able to handle everything pretty well with the help of friends and my family. I also had kidney stones and was on some great meds for the pain. It's now been 2 months and I have had surgery for the kidney and I don't have the pain to distract me. I fell like I am about to explode. My children drive me nuts and just the sound of my husbands voice makes me want to jump out a window. I cry all the time. I can't sleep . I don't want to get dressed and stay in my pj's all day..I don't even brush my hair. I am on cymbalta 60 mg per day. is this just normal grieve and if so how long will this last and is there anything else I can do to get back to myself? I'm just a mess!!!!

Answer 1

First of all, let me say that I truly sympathize with you. My dad died several years ago and it is a tough, tough change to deal with.

A friend of mine sent me an article about when parents die. It said that one aspect of why it is so difficult is that it causes us to face our own mortality. We are now on the "front lines." You suddenly feel an absence of this shield or support in front of you -- it takes a long time to adjust. But, you will.

I totally can understand how you feel intruded upon by your family during your time of mourning. You really need some time alone to think and meditate and put things into perspective. Any chance you can go off for a week to visit a friend or a spa?

There also might be some grief recovery groups in your area. Going to a few support group meetings will put you in touch with others who are going through the same thing.

Good luck to you. It might take months or years -- but you will heal. You need some time to reflect and you need some support. Your husband might not fully understand what you are going through if he's not experienced the loss of a parent (especially the loss of his dad).

Answer 2

Oh honey yes it will get better. Honest. I am 50 and I lost my Mom when I was 21 My Dad when I was 27, and my beloved father-in-law about 13 years ago. 8 weeks is not near enough time for you to even begin to grieve. Plus you were going through medical problems. Losing a parent is very hard even if it is expected. And of course everything is driving you nuts right now. But remember it isn't the kids or your hubby's fault. You do however need to to go talk to someone to teach you how to cope with this. Being depressed is normal and the grieving, but you need to get up shower get dressed and face each day. Your family needs you and right now you need them. Is your husband helping you at all? And personally just my opinion get off Cymbalta and see if your Dr. can switch you to another anti-depressant. I had a very bad experience with cymbalta and it made my depression and anxiety explode, It's called a Cymbalta crash. Each day will get better. I think about my parents at least once a day and my other dad, but usually happy things, or sometimes what would Mom do? I have spots in my heart for all three of them. You will get to a time where it won't hurt every time you think of your Dad. But please get yourself some help so you don't stay down. You are a good person and people need you.

Answer 3

I am so sorry about your father. I lost my father too. You have two things going on here. I suffered from depression after surgery one time. I talked to a therapist and he seemed sure that it was post-operative depression. I took a medication short term and was OK afterward. I also suffered from depression after my mother's death. I am now taking Cymbalta for depression. It has helped me.

It doesn't sound as if Cymbalta is the correct medication for you. If you have not had any improvement, go back to the doctor and try a different medication. You also may need some type of grief counseling too. There are may groups around who do this.

Good luck to you. There is hope and there is help out there for you.

Answer 4

I know this sounds dumb, but the best thing you can do is get out of the house and surround yourself with people. Make sure you accomplish something each day, no matter how small it seems. The absolute first step to conquer depression is to go out and do something, even when you don't feel like it. The medicine will not work miracles; you need to take some initiative as well.

Answer 5

Go see a therapist. Some talk therapy might provide you with the extra outlet you need.

This too will pass, but with depression things often get worse before they get better. I'd spare you that pain, so go see a professional. They can help you cope with the grieving process and give you some medicine if you need it.

Health insurance usually covers part of the cost of therapy.

Answer 6

I would suggest that you go to your doctor to get medicine for the problems-explain the problems to him, then go to a therapist to talk with them about your feelings of grief and loss. If you don't do this, I'm afraid you'll have more problems to deal with.There is no shame whatsoever in haveing clinical depression. Sometimes we all need a little nudge to get back on the right track.

Answer 7

First let me say that I am sorry for your loss. This is not normal grieving though. Though it is completely normal to mourn the loss of your father, to be unable to function in your everyday activities is depression. You should have your doctor refer you to a good psychiatrist in your area that you can speak to. He should be able to help you with a combination of talking and finding the right medication to help you with your symptoms.

Answer 8

I know this is easier said than done but try to pull yourself together if not for yourself then do it for your family.also would your dad have liked to have seen you in this state.
he lived his life and now its over I am sure he would hate to think that you are suffering and that your family are suffering because of it.
my own mother died when I was 28 and I had 3 small children and like you I lost interest for a time until one day my husband told me to snap out of it . at first it was very hard and the first year was the worst year of my life but when they say that time heals it really does
I think it took me about 5 years to get over my mothers death.she was my best friend and was always there when i needed her. it was an awful blow to wake up one morning to find that she was gone for good. but now you have to think of your own kids and make happy memories for them like the ones you have of your father
I am very sorry for your loss and I hope that you will start to feel better soon . Look after your self and take care of your family and I am sure your dad is watching over you and praying for you. god bless you

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Start combing your hair, take showers, feed yourself healthy food, and put on clean cloths, you're a human being and need to treat yourself like one. Yes, it gets better. What were your hobbies before you got married? Why not take a walk? get out of the house and take in some sun.