Ok. I need an opinion/advice. My boyfriend's ex, who he has a child with, can't stand me. She and I have only met in passing prior to them breaking up, but now she thinks he left her for me, which he didn't, and hates me. Its not that I want to be her buddy, but I am concerned about how it could affect our relationship with her always giving him crap about me. She says she doesn't want me around her child, etc. I have a child of my own from a previous marriage and my philosophy is that as long as the person is good to my child and my ex is happy, then I don't care.
I feel bad for him because I think he feels conflicted about it. He has to maintain some type of civility with her, wants to be with me, but then has to hear a bunch of negativity about it.
I'm at a loss on what to do here. I love him and want this to work out, but I'm confused on how to handle this because I have never acted like this toward anyone my ex has dated. I feel like its immature.
Help...
2007-03-01 07:49:11 · 18 answers · asked by hd112596 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
been there... give her time, shes in a position right now and so are you and him AND the kid... if she comes around great for all involved... if she doesnt, oh well, she doesnt have to like you or you like her. most important is him and the kid. its tough, and there will be alot of annimosity toward one another, but if its meant to be it will be...
a few tips, dont try to be negative when speaking about her, best to avoid speaking about her all together.
the kid is the most important thing, so try to speak to him about the child..maybe take him to the park, the 3 of you...
your not replacing the mom, your just some one else in his life.
wow, ive been there difficult ex wife with my new husband and a child... but i stuck it out and all is good.
be there for your guy, hes torn right now because its all about a guilt trip hes feeling. dont take it personal, and listen, listen listen
hell talk to you about the situation when hes ready.
and dont worry about the ex... its not important whether she likes you or not.. shes jelouse you got him and she dont
good luck!!
2007-03-01 08:03:23 · answer #1 · answered by kim t 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honeychild... when CAN the man's ex stand any new woman? For some reason when a man decides to move on the next woman is always seen as a threat. It has nothing to do with the child... she just doesn't want to let go of that man. Big deal... they have a child. How long does he (and you) have to pay for that mistake? Obviously you are more mature than 'chickipoo'. You stated as long as the person is good to your child and the ex is happy, you don't care" More people need to think like you... but let's face it... a lot don't.
Your man should not be conflicted about it. He needs to be secure in that relationship enough to the point where he can tell her... " I respect you and love my child.. but this is my girl now and you have to deal with it!" There is a place for you in his life and there is a place for her. He needs help with his problem solving skills quick. Don't throw away a good thing for some ex trying to hold a child over your man's head.
2007-03-01 16:01:51 · answer #2 · answered by fatbabyceesay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It IS immature.. Unfortunately, you have no control over her behavior or your b/f's past. The only thing you can control is your own attitude towards it. Sounds like it might be an issue for as long as you and him are together - are you prepared to accept it as a part of the deal, knowing it is unlikely to change? There is such thing as not being compatible with someone; it may just be that you and your b/f are not compatible because of this issue. He needs to put his foot down and tell her to cut the crap; if he's not willing or able to do so for whatever reason - figure out whether or not you can handle it if this situation continues.
2007-03-01 15:59:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's projecting her hurt to you. Just stay in the background and she'll probably come around in time. Life has a way of throwing events at us where you need help from other people and often ones you never would have thought could or would help you! Maybe there will be such a time that will close the gap. Don't give up your man if he's the one for you. It'll work out or it won't. You can have a relationship without her ruining it.Good luck.
2007-03-01 15:53:51 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is time to set a boundary between you and the ex, so she does not like you but that is her choice and the fact is she should not bring you boyfriend in on it because she is not happy about the way things turned out, so he wanted to be with you that was he choice to start with not hers. Maybe he needs to talk to her and set boundaries about when to see her when you not around and for you and him to be together when she is not around. Sure your boyfriend is going to feel conflicted about what is going on. Once you and him have sat down figured out how to make it so that you and him can do things then he needs to talk to her and tell her what he thinks should happen despite the fact that she does not like you and does not need to take her anger out on you for no reason, that is not be reasonable and neither is she, this will make things worse if you and your boyfriend don't talk about a solution so that both parties will be happy and you can avoid her.
2007-03-01 15:58:08 · answer #5 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as bad as it sounds the fact that he has a past will sooner or later cause trouble in your relationship. I had the same situation with the ex and she would tell her kid to do all sort of things to me and I ended up falling for their crap all the time but once I realized that she is an X and Xs hate the new gfs/wives NO MATTER WHAT then I started to relax and i don't care about that whore anymore. once she got a white trash bf she left me alone for good.
2007-03-01 15:57:28 · answer #6 · answered by chikis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then work this out, her saying that she don't want you around the child is her trying to control him. My ex did this and so did my husband's ex - when we first started dating. My ex even went as far as getting a restraining order against my new man. Well once his ex and my ex found out that we were going to stay together, they gave up. I think it is just a control thing. It sounds like she just plain don't like you and that is not a good enough reason for her to say that you can't be around their child. Good luck
2007-03-01 15:58:47 · answer #7 · answered by Rosie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the emotional bond that is shared between a couple is hard for one of them to break even though their lives have taken different paths.
Your boyfriend's ex probably has a great deal of anger towards her ex and doesn't want to see him happy, which has nothing to do with you. She is frustrated, because his life has moved forward and he has found happiness with you. So she is going to stop at nothing to make sure that happiness is short lived.
2007-03-01 16:16:42 · answer #8 · answered by Boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is immature. He needs to tell her that since the only thing they have in common is a child, that his relationship with the child is the only part of his life that is any of her business. He does not have to be friends with her or have her approval for anything.
2007-03-01 15:54:45 · answer #9 · answered by swanser 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is very immature for her and boils down to this.......she is going to have to grow up and have to deal with anyone her ex has in his life. She has no right to dictate who he sees or dates. When it comes down to it it is HIS responsibility to choose the right person he will be with and have around his child. Just as he would have no cause to dictate who she does or doesn't see as long as she is also keeping their child safe. Tell her to get over it and if he can not stand up to her to tell her then obviously u were not important enough to him.
2007-03-01 15:56:28 · answer #10 · answered by Papi G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋