Help me please! Is this normal?

Question

I have a little boy who is coming upto 4 in May. The thing is i work 5 days a week 32 hours a week. I pick him up from school twice a week and my partner looks after him and takes him to school as he is out at work at the moment. The thing is my little boy has become really awful! He won't eat his meals (he always had a problem with eating) gives cheek, won't concerntrate when i try to teach him things. I try to sit down with him and teach him his alphabet and numbers even though he knows SOME of them but he messes about and doesn't seem interested. His dad plays with him but can't really teach him much as my partner has problems reading and writing. I get the impression that my son hates me and preferes his dad to me which is quite upsetting. It's got to the point now where, i know this sounds awful but i can't be bothered spending time with my son as he doesn't seem to care and everything i do is just a waste. Is this normal to feel so low and useless? I just feel like running!

Answer 1

Children change over time. They tend to favor one parent over another and then the loyalty changes, so hang in there. You are his mother, not his teacher. Let them teach him his letters in school. Have fun with him and use your time with him to form a connection. Read him stories and hold him rather than making your time so regimented. You will enjoy your time with him more. Don't let him feel your frustrtion because he will pick up on it and he will feel as if you don't like him. Take a break from him when you need it and let him enjoy his dad. Just because the two of them are close doesn't mean the two of you cannot be close. It's just a different relationship. And all parents feel sad and useless sometimes. It's the toughest job ever!

Answer 2

Yes and no.

Yes there are times when I have felt like everything was a waste and why try because they love dad more (I've been passed by for hugs over dad). But then out of the blue I get a huge hug and kiss and all is right with the world. No, don't run, hang in there, it does get better!

Young kids tend to go to one or the other parent - and all 3 of mine preferred my husband for the longest time. The one time they all come to me is when they are sick and really need help - then it's mama they want. This is normal. Not always fun for the left out party, but normal.

As for eating, the more you push the more he will push back. At 4 I would give them a little bit of everything (like a tablespoon) and if they ate it all then they could have desert (a cookie or small scoop if ice cream). If they did not want to eat - OK, but if they were hungry later no fun/sweet snacks, just cheese, yogurt, peanut butter and celery, etc. The less you push and the more control he feels he has, the easier it will get. Kids WILL NOT starve. Look at what he's eating over a week, not just one day, and I'll bet in that span he is getting all he needs.

4 year olds only have an attention span of 10-15 min. So if he is not interested, don't push. Same thing, the more you push, the more he will push back. Kids this age want to prove them self independent. Make letters a game where ever you may be, in the car, walking, when making meals. Get magnet letters for the refrigerator then mix them up and ask him to find the letter that starts his name, what starts mama, what start papa, and so on.

My hubby came up with this gem - get a clear report cover and some dry erase markers. Now inside put the alphabet or numbers or shapes or anything in the report cover and let you son trace them. With a tissue it comes off and he can do it again and again.

Take care - you all will be OK.

Answer 3

Have you tried playing with him rather than trying to always teach him stuff? I know my daughter who's 3 1/2 has zero concentration when it comes to teaching her stuff, all she wants is to play and even then her concentration is about 1 minute max! She's like a bee buzzing from flower to flower. If I were you I'd forget the three r's for now, leave that for school to do. Just push him on the floor and give him a good tickling! Have a pillow fight. Be his friend not his teacher.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Here the thing with this. If you son spend more time with you partner the he is going to be more likly to want him for more things. Me and my husband are having this problem with our son i am a stay at home mom and my son wants me all the time when my husband gets home he is happy to see him and like to play with him but doesnt really do much else with him. If my son gets hurt or upset he comes running to me and doesnt want his daddy at all. It is because he is with me more and i am the one he runs to all day becasue i am the only one here with him. what we have been doing is when my husband gets home i leave the area they are all together and i try to stay away and let my husband and son play and learn together it has worked really well now my son wants us both. If you arent able to take time off work then maybe you should try and make it were you and your son have a time for jsut you and him. You cant give up on your child it is his way of crying out for you. It is a weird way for us as adults to understand how a child acts but if you watch close you can see what they want and need good luck and dont give up

Answer 5

Persevere, but try and make lessons fun and spend as much quality time with him as you can. ask your partner to maybe use flashcards with him..include a picture on the back of card to make it easier for both of them, your partner may gain confidence himself this way too. Ask your partner to support you when disciplining your son but try and take a deep breath first to make sure your not overreacting to something thats not that important. Try and make time for yourself also..i know there arent enough hours in the day when you are working and raising a child but try and find at least half an hour for a soak in the bath at the end of the day..Remember every parent has selfdoubts sometimes..stick with it im sure you are doing a fantastic job!!

Answer 6

Its time to prioritize your life. He should be at the top of the list. If you are trying to teach him various things that he needs to know, don't just spout off facts to her to repeat back to you, make it fun. Turn these skills into games. You need to stop thinking of time spent with your son as "being bothered" he's only 4 and is reacting to what seems to be a stressful situation. Children at his age don't hate their parents unless you are making him feel that the lacking areas of your relationship with him are his fault. You need to take more responsibility for the problems in the relationship because, again, he's only 4. Children are a blessing from God and should be treated as such.

Answer 7

I work long hours too and know just how you feel about running. I have 2 daughters (one of 2 and one of 11 months) who always seem to prefer their dad too. Try to make learning fun. Count out loud when you're walking down the stairs, or count out his favourite toys for him, getting him to join in. See if you can get him to choose his own dinner. I've heard of people using a sticker system, where the kids earn stickers for doing something good and keeping them on a chart in their rooms or in the kitchen. He loves you but perhaps you're trying too hard. My 2 only seem to want me when I'm doing my housework and busy. I think they tend to want you when you're not available so as to try to 'be in charge'. Try to get some you time too though, take a night off, soak in the bath or go out for an hour or 2 (I know it's easier said than done but it could help). Take care

Answer 8

1) If your partner is unemployed he has time to do classes to improve on his own reading and writing.
2) he is only 3 so don't you think he is a bit young to be worrying about his alphabet and numbers.
3) It doe snot matter how poor your partners reading and writing he only needs to read simple story books to your son.
4) I assume your partner ahs taken over most of the household chores/cooking etc . If not why not?
5) Chill out.

Answer 9

It sounds like you need to try to reconnect with your child! Try taking him to do something fun - just the two of you. Do this a few times and then step up the disipline. There are also lots of new preschool books out there to help make learning fun. Try going to one of the professional teacher's stores in your area. They have the best books! But don't give up. Make some special time just for the two of you and do it on a regular basis. Give him something to look forward to!

Answer 10

Of course its normal but your doing the right thing continue to sit with him alone away from distraction like his dad or the TV etc.He doesn't understand properly yet why you are not there. I'm a single mum and have to explain to my little girl who is five mummy has to go work to earn the pennies to buy what we need and have treats etc and mummy loves her. She seems to understand that just reassure him at every opportunity. My daughter gets sick of me hugging and kissing her and telling her i love her now!