Is it right to keep my three year old from my mom?

Question

I have a three year old girl and she loves my mom but there is alot of friction between us. My mother used to verbally and physically abuse us when we were little and I feel like the vebal abuse is still continuing. When ever I go over her house, she always puts me down, treats me badly and tells me I am a bad mother. During my seperation, she sided with and housed my husband and to this day she still tells me he is too good for me. To this day they still secretly talk on the phone as they did when we were married. When I bring my daughter over she always goes against my word and tells my daughter bad things about me. Am I justified in keeping my away from her? My daughter seems to be lossing respect for me and it is almost like my mom is out to destroy any ounce of self-esteem I have left in my soul. I am trying so hard to be a good mother and I feel so crushed. I am scared if anything happens to me that my mom will take her and abuse her as she did me

Answer 1

You are justified in keeping your daughter away from toxic people.If you have another woman you feel is a mother figure to you; then she can mentor you and your daughter, and be a real inspiration in your life. Sounds as if your mother is jealous of you. She also sounds as if she resents the good fortunes you have in your life. But if she feels she wants to have a relationship with your ex-husband let them. Sometimes your worst enemies is family. It is okay to let them fall by the way side out of your life as well. Hell, haven't you ever heard you can do bad by yourself. Pick your head up, you are a great mother. You will be fine.

Answer 2

You are that girls mother and it is your job to protect her as much as you can and if that means keeping her away from family than that is what you need to do. It is not good for your daughter to hear people talk about people that way especially family. She could grow up thinking that is the way she should treat you and everyone else for that matter. Not healthy at all.

Would you let her watch someone physically attack you? If the answer is no then you shouldn't allow her to see some one emotionally attack you either just cause it doesn't leave bruises for everyone to see doesn't mean that it is not just as bad.

Oh and your daughter is 3 she will not lose respect for you even though she cant fully understand what is going on she knows more than you think. She knows that she doesn't like it when people are mean to her so she understands a little. If she throws a fit or asks you why she cant see grandma simply tell her that you don't like it when grandma is mean and says mean things to you she will kinda understand and she will learn to respect you if you stand up for yourself and go by your word.

Answer 3

I dont think it is right for you to keep her from your mom. i think you have to talk to your mom and tell her that it is hard enough for you to raise your daughter & to be a good mother without her insults. Tell her if she does not stop doing it around your daughter then you will not let her see her. You only get one mother in this world no matter what. Try to find out the real reason why your mom puts you down it could be that in the long run she is jeolous of you and your acheivements. u have to let your mother know exactly how you feel. ask your mother if the relationship the two of you have the same one she wants for you and your daughter. you never know you might have accomplished some things in your life your mother never got to and that could be driving your mother crazy. if she feels bad about how she raised you that might be a driving force behind her insults because you are better with your daughter then she was with you

Answer 4

my best advice is to keep your child away from anyone you feel is abusive to your daughter. Family should not matter, sometimes family can be worse than a pedifile. At 3 no child really quite knows about respect so don't think you are hurting her in anyway. Explain to your daughter even though she is young it will help you too that Grandma isn't very nice to mommy and is sometime mean and hurtful and that you do not want Grandma to hurt her as well. the reason abuse continues is because no one has the courage to stop it, have the courage for your daughter's sake and keep her away and protect her from that same life you unfortunately had to grow up in.

Answer 5

How is a three year old losing respect for you?Does she back talk?That is her age.Listen I feel where you are coming from, been there done that.I had to sit my Mom down and just refresh her memory of my childhood.Tell her that if all she has is negative to say to you in front of your child,then there will be no more visits.I know that it is going to be hard, but tell her before you take her grand baby away without letting her know why.You two are grown, so talk to her about your feelings and get the respect or leave her be.If she dies and all this is not solved, you will be very bitter,believe that.Good luck and keep your daughters respect forever.

Answer 6

Some cases call for drastic measures and in your case I think u have one. BY ALL MEANS keep your daughter away because from what u write DAMAGE is already being done to your daughter. But what u may want to do is DOCUMENT everything that she does that affects your daughter because when it comes down to it she does have rights as a grandmother if she petitions the courts. That's where your evidence and documentation of possible harm to your daughter comes in. Also u don't want your daughter having the same type of complexes that u may have ended up with (ie...second guessing how well of a parent u are or are not)......good luck

Answer 7

Wow I'm sorry to hear that your mom acts that way towards you. I think you are justified in trying to keep your little girl from that type of negative energy. At the same time, i'm sure your daughther wants to know her grandma and if you do keep her away she may be resentful of it in the future (even though it is in effort to protect her). My suggestion would be that you tell your mother that if the behavior has to stop immediately or you will be forced to reconsider bringing her grand daughter over for visits. In regards to your concerns that your mom may take her if something should happen to you, perhaps you could appoint a different guardian for her in your will.

Answer 8

You have every right in the world to keep your mother out of your daughters life. Your mother talking to a three year old about you and saying mean hurtfull things to her about you is abuse. it is your job as a mother to protect your child from harm, that doesn't just mean physical harm but it also means emotional harm.
I would worry that your daughters fatherto not see the harm that this is doing to the child, it is also likely that he repeats the same things to your daughter that the grandma does and that is even more harmfull to a child.

Answer 9

I see no problem in taking her away, If your mom cant get her act toghter thats her lose..Your the mother and you need to make a better decision for your daughter.

I have some what a similar case my mom has never seen or touch my 4 kids, she knows that I have them put she will never see them as long as I am alive. She was a wicked drugged out sleeping with everything mother and the story can go on and on..

Answer 10

You need to keep your daughter away from her. She will eventually do the same mean things to your daughter, and you have the obligation to protect your child from that. She may also end up turning your daughter against you. Your mom is not a nice person and she doesn't love you, so how could she really love your child?