My bf's ex gf called him out of the blue to see him after vanishing from him several yrs ago. We have a strong relationship in which he says he sees long term and marriage for us. (I don't bring it up). He says he just needs to know why she pulled the vanishing act so he is going to see her. He knows I love him but I don't know how to take this. Is he really just putting closure on it or am I a fool for believing him. Since bringing this up he still calls me and still tells me he loves me. I am just acting really cool/distant about it and hoping that he loves me as much as he says he does. I know he is the one for me but I have to let him realize and commit fully that I am the one for him. Am I doing the right thing in not making a big deal about it? or should I tell him I want to see other people .. and tell him to not contact me or tell me loves me until he means it and is ready to fully commit. As it is now I feel the less I say about it lets him make up his own mind..
2007-03-01 07:34:21 · 8 answers · asked by Confused 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He told me he respected and loved me and didnt want to go behind my back. He says it is something he has to do. I just told him I trust him and I love him.
2007-03-01 08:02:54 · update #1
Should I ask him to tell me about her and their past or should I just leave it alone? I would like to see how he describes her and their relationship. I had no interest in seeing other people but does he need some competition?
2007-03-01 08:11:34 · update #2
He wants me to bear with him on this. He said he has been through alot in the last several months> (He just got back from Iraq and lost several close friends to death over there.)
2007-03-01 08:17:30 · update #3
From this vantage point it seems like you're having an issue acknowledging that he's had a life before you that he's had girlfriends before you and the harder you fight to preserve that ideal in your mind the more forcefully reality is going to rear up to slap you in the face.
It sounds like all he wants to do is have a conversation with this girl, in person, to see why she bugged out. You have to think of how shitty he felt for those first couple months wondering what he did wrong or what kind of fundimental character flaw he may have had that would have inspired her to do so.
Rather than asking him to prove his love to you by erasing / forgetting all those things that happened before you, you should cherish all of his life experiences that created the man that you're with now.
2007-03-01 07:46:43 · answer #1 · answered by arjo_reich 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you are doing now is showing trust in your mate. I see his point of view because sometimes you need closure on the things from the past to move forward in your future. I wouldnt make a big deal out of it b/c then u will seem insecure. I will thought sit him down and be honest. Tell him you trust him and dont have a problem with bringing his past to a close but you are a little uncomfortable about this meeting and you are worried of reopening the wounds instead of closing it. Im sure if he loves you he will respect how you feel and you both can come to an agreement about it. It sounds harmless though cause he could have kept it in the blue about her calling. what ever happens keep your cool.
2007-03-01 15:42:49 · answer #2 · answered by Im da Example 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Let me save you some time here. He is still in love with his ex and wants to see if there is any possibility of them getting together again. If he truely loved you then he wouldn't care why she left him. He would just be thankful that she had because he found you. I know that you love him, but his heart doesn't belong to you. You need to stand firm on this and let him go so he can find whatever answers he's looking for from her. Thank you and good luck.
2007-03-01 15:43:08 · answer #3 · answered by cookie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He needs to know why she pulled the vanishing act so he can keep it in the past. I am sure it was very hurtful for him when she vanished and now he wants an answer so he con move on.
I am sure he loves you. No doubt about it. What he is doing in a way is like going to a therapist in order to get closure on an event. You have no need to worry
2007-03-01 15:38:57 · answer #4 · answered by Mike 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I bet you didnt feel that way until he said he was going to see his ex and get closure. You are feeling like you wan to get out before and spare your feelings before he tells you that him and his ex are going to try again. It sounds like he went out of town to see her and if he did then that means he still has some feelings lingering. He could found out why she left over the phone. However,when he comes back just watch his behavior. If he seems to talk about her a lot then he still has something for her and you get out.
2007-03-01 16:04:55 · answer #5 · answered by curtis t 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
/First if he is looking for closer from a past relationship,he sure is not ready for a new one,THIS IS A BIG DEAL!!!!!sounds like he is still hurting,he may never get the awnser/closer he is looking for,this is sad,BUT you deserve better,let him go........he needs his wounds to heal,really can not get to involved in another realtionship,your not helping him,but just proving a band-aid for his situation!!!!SORRY if this is not what you wanted to read/hear........use your own self-esteem,let him go!!!!!
2007-03-01 15:44:06 · answer #6 · answered by Corey 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's not over her honey or he would just move on. When its really over, its over and you really don't care why. If he still has issues after all this time, I think he's still in love with her or at least thinks he is.
2007-03-01 15:40:02 · answer #7 · answered by georgiarose_01 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if he needs closure then he is still somewhat emotional attached to that girl...i think seeing her would just open it back up again.
2007-03-01 15:40:35 · answer #8 · answered by all4him 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋