how safe is it to marry an exconvict or someone with a criminal background?

Answer 1

Not a good idea.

With a criminal record more than likely he won't be able to get a job, as most decent jobs require a background check. You'll be stuck with paying your bills and his (and probably bailing him out of jail may he return to the criminal life).

It's not a good idea sweetie, spare yoru self the hearache and find someone else tha can help you build a future.

Good luck

Answer 2

While I believe that people can change and that everyone deserves a second chance, I think that marriage is hard enough without having the extra added weight of dealing with a man with a "convict" mentality. It would depend on the crime and if I felt he was truly rehabilitated - perhaps he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. But under no circumstances would I marry a man who is currently IN jail, I wouldn't marry one who has committed murder, rape, or pedophilia; neither would I marry someone with a grand larceny charge (petty theft maybe, because perhaps he was just trying to "make it" the only way he could) but grand larceny indicates that he's conniving and methodical - white collar crime in a lot of ways is scarier than the others because the guy doesn't "look" like a criminal. Besides, one thing I cannot, will not tolerate is a sneaky liar.

Answer 3

Please don't let that be the thing that stops you. I read your question and it makes me think of my ex-husband and I hope to god he finds a good woman after he gets out of prison. He is a great person who happens to be a convict. The only reason I left is because I need someone to be in the here-and-now with me and couldn't bear the thought of crying my eyes out for the next 20 years.

Please keep in mind that ex-cons have paid their debt to society. You can't hold mistakes against a person forever.

Obviously- you know that you have to do your homework. Conduct your own background check on this person to give yourself the peace of mind that the truth matches what they are telling you.
Talk about it. Ask these questions;
Why were these crimes committed? What was their state of mind? Get clear honest explanations (not excuses)
If it was drug abuse- is that over know? Do they have their head on straight now?
Your heart believes, but what does your head tell you?
Have you seen this person in action as an upstanding, contributing member of society?
Talk about how prison has affected this person (if prison was in their history- especially a long sentence)- they might now have some intimacy issues that you want to know about.

The most important advice I can give you is--
make sure that there aren't any past crimes that this person still has to pay for.
You don't want to fall in love and get married and then have it all taken away.
If that is the case- it would be better to guard your heart and don't take the plunge.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 4

That's really a question that only you know the answer to. Only you know how safe you feel with this man. Although you shouldn't judge him solely on his past, you should take into consideration what he was convicted for and really think about it. My fiance did 3 years for assault while attempting to defend himself. But before I believed that story, I looked into his case myself. As I looked deeper I found out that the only reason he was convicted was because he used more force then the guy had used on him. And the self defense law where he lives is that in order to call self defense, you must use equal or lesser force. So that's how he became a felon.

Just look into his situation deeply. Don't make a mistake that could harm either you or the ones you love. Be careful when making the decision. Use both your heart and your head with this one.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

"Safe" depends on the person you're marrying, honestly. You are the only judge of that. Look at their behavior, their crime, and how they've changed since then.... if you're not sure it's safe, it probably isn't.

"Convenient" is also an issue, with the probation and checkup visits and trying to get a job and perhaps finish an education.... Life can be hard for those who have been in prison/have a criminal record. Make sure you go into it with eyes wide open.

Answer 6

My answer is that it totally depends on the circumstances. Don't let love (or feelings) overcloud good judgment. Look out for yourself and ask yourself some really hard questions like: Has he really changed? Was this a one time incident and a bad choice that he has learned from or is this the pattern of his life? Does this fit into what I want and expect out of life?

Anyone can make a mistake, the question is...did they learn from it or blame their mistakes on every one else? I'm not saying that people can't change, but the old saying "A leopard can't change it's spots" does fit in some cases. Bottom line, look out for yourself (like I said before) and use your commonsense....no one can make this decision but you because after all, you're the one that will have to live with it. Best wishes to you.

Answer 7

Does he have a job? Can he get and keep a job? Were the charges serious enough that you will spend the rest of your relationship worried about him repeating the crime? Were the crimes he was convicted of violent in nature (run away, sister!)? Does he accept responsibility for the crimes?
I'd say it depends on the situation, rather than the person. I've heard it said that people can change, but I've never really seen that to be true.
If you go in with doubts, though, your marriage will never succeed. I think you already know the answer to your own question.

Answer 8

Well, what were his charges? At least you know that he has a past, but, everyone should deserve a fair chance at life. Eeryone makes mistakes! Some are just bigger than others.

Look into this past and determine if its something you would associate your life with, or that you could deal with should his habits not have changed.

Also, consider children! Some ex-cons may not have any parental rights depending on the crime. A sex crime, for example, would be one of these. If you choose to have children together, you may be forced to choose between him or your children. If you choose him, you may lose your children. If you have children already- be sure to consult the childs father, and be sure he is comfortable- this could cost you to lose your children as well.

Best of luckto you- I hope you are able to give this personing a deserving second chance!

Answer 9

You have a lot of questions you need to ask yourself.

How long has this person be on the good side?
What were they in for?
Have they really changed their ways?
How long have you known them?
Do they currently have a job?
How long have they been empolyed?
Do they live on their own?
What other finacial obligations do they have?

I have been married for over 9 years to an excon. I knew him for a few years before we were married. It was clear to him that I do not tolerate phone calls from the police and he can be let go at any time. I needed to cover me and take care of me. If I was important enough to him he would want to change his life. I did not change him, he changed himself. He wanted to be better. We also waited a very long time to have children. He has worked the same job for over 11 years and we are pretty secure in our lives.

Just don't let love and the mushy stuff get in the way of using your brain and protecting yourself. You can always find some one else to get mushy with.

Answer 10

I guess it depends on what they did, but I would definately have to advise aginst it. People like that only care about themselves. Think about this, what if the guy you want to marry ends up going to prison for life or even just for a few years, what's in it for you? That wouldn't be fair for you no would it, so I say no, don't marry an ex-con.