My brother is getting married soon and is paying for the entire wedding. His fiance's family is contributing NOTHING. Our side of the family has only 40 guests which includes five children (all under 10 yrs old). Her side has 150 guests. She wants no children at the reception and is insistent my brother can't invite the 5 children on our list. Is this fair considering HE is footing the bill? What do you think?
2007-03-01 06:26:57 · 24 answers · asked by Kimmy 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
His fiance's family refused to help pay for wedding costs yet drive a Mercedes, wear expensive jewelry, and brag about all the money have.
2007-03-01 06:28:13 · update #1
At my wedding there were no children. But at the reception later that evening there were plenty of kids. It was great. My nieces and nephews were there all dressed up and it was so nice.
Your future sister-in-law sounds rather spoiled and selfish. However, there is really nothing you can do about it. Be sure that you don't do or say anything that could drive a wedge between you and your brother. If he loves her and is happy with her, then you just have to accept it. I have a difficult sister-in-law as well, and she has spoiled many family functions. But we just deal with it because we don't want to stoop to her level or create discord in the family.
I hope that an agreement can be reached that your family can find a way to get along and be happy. Best wishes to you and your brother!
2007-03-01 06:44:48 · answer #1 · answered by Sari 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, to start with, a wedding is supposed to be the bride's day to shine and be the center of attention and all that. However, following that, traditionally it is the bride's family that pays for the wedding and the groom's pays for the rehearsal. Now, we are living in a world that seems to be making the rules as it goes, so this can all be moot. That being said, YES she's being very selfish, spoiled and ridiculous! If your brother is paying for everything, then he should have most of the say in what goes. She wants a hand, she chips in. If she buys her own dress, she would expect it to be to her style and size; so, if HE'S paying for the big wedding that she obviously wants (obvious by inviting 150 people which, if they aren't all close family and/or friends, is another point towards conceit), then he should invite kids, or clowns, or a football team - hell, whatever he wants. If she wants to veto something, she can say no to rice being thrown or cake color, cause that's all you get when you aren't being helpful and productive. Yes, she is being conceited, spoiled and I don't see that marriage lasting. But good luck to your brother, anyway.
2007-03-01 14:40:35 · answer #2 · answered by Melissa M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think she is being selfish. She should be grateful that he is allowing her to have all those people and not asking her for a dime. I think your brother should put his foot down and tell her it's his wedding day too and he can invite the kids if he wants to. He shouldn't even have to ask her. He's the one paying for the entire wedding so he has just as much say so as she does, maybe even more. Tell her if she has a problem then she can foot the bill for her side of the family!
2007-03-01 16:10:54 · answer #3 · answered by Justyn's Mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow - you have such a bitter tone; did it ever occur to you that it might be an honor to your brother that he is starting his married life without NEEDING anyone else to pay for his wedding, and being able to pay for the party as a gift to his wife that will welcome both families together? You may not believe it, but in some places / social circles it is an insult to the man if anyone else has to pay for his wedding...
But anyway, this wedding is for your brother and his soon-to-be-wife and it is nobody's business but theirs who is paying for what and nobody's place but theirs to decide what kind of event they want to have. If they want an event that is more on the elegant side and does not include young children running around, then that is what everyone else has to follow -- hasn't your family ever been to this type of event and don't they have any notion of an adult evening and can get a babysitter for one night?
I have to guess, but I am sure I am right, that your family is "American" and hers is of some other ethnicity (maybe US-born but some background other than "Pilgrim") -- because to have so many people to invite while you all have only a few to include in this event, and for them to go with the norm to have the wedding be an adult affair while your side is having a fit is so typical of this situation!
Next you will all be complaining about the formal wear you are being asked to arrive in -- you should embrace this new lady and not give your brother problems about it. This will help your side of the family not be so uncultured, untraditional and unrefined (how tacky of your side to be talking about who is paying for what, cmon!)
2007-03-02 18:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by Finnale 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with what others are saying, that she is being selfish. I don't think 5 children are going to make that much of a difference with about two hundred guests there. Your brother obviously thinks they desesrve to be there and since he is paying for everything, he has a right to invite them. I think she might be an attention hog and feels that if the kids start acting up ro something that she won't be the center of attention anymore. (Not true since everyone will be watching her no matter what) She needs to get over herself and learn to compromise, or else things will only get worse for your brother after the wedding. Good luck to him and sorry to say that I don't think she's going to change her selfish behavior after. I think she's used to things being her way or no way, but marriage is about give and take.
2007-03-02 03:54:18 · answer #5 · answered by Wishing on a Dream 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally the brides family pays for most of the wedding, but because he is paying for it she shouldn't have any say in whether there should or shouldn't be kids. If she's gonna take advantage of him paying she should shut her mouth. If she wants to compromise she should either help with the bill or make her family contribute. The children as they under 10 should have a decent bedtime and have to leave if the recepion is going to run late anyway, so he should tell her they will be there till such and such time and that's final. Sounds like compromise is not in this girls vocab, so good luck to your brother.
2007-03-01 14:45:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your brother has tried to reason with her there is not too much more you can do. You could ask her if she would like to tell the children why they can't come to the wedding. (Granted, a little petty, but that seems right up her ally.) If she won't bend at all you should still go to the wedding and wish the couple the best.
2007-03-01 14:36:03 · answer #7 · answered by swagov 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is NO place for children. They squeal, run, and poop in their pants in the middle of the ceremony, cry in the middle of the service, throw a tantrum in the party etc. Not to count that yuo have to pay $100 per child to feed them! Some family members bring their whole brood of 3 kids plus them, that's family of 5 @ $100 per plate, that's $500 for a 30 dollar toaster,
It's quite sensible NOt to invite children to an adult affair. That may hurt your feelings, but is the truth. She actually saving yoru brother money by doing so. It seems to be that you haven;t been in a lot of weddings, haven't you?
She has the right to choose an adult party regardless of who is paying. Mind your own bussiness, is not your money that is being spent.
She is right! Sorry.
2007-03-01 14:47:30 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is fair. A wedding really isn't a place for children under the age of about 14.
As a bride she does have the right to request that. I actually had the same request when I got married.
He is probably footing the bill because he loves her and wants her to have the wedding she wants. I wouldn't imagine he is paying for all of it so he can get his way.
2007-03-01 14:36:23 · answer #9 · answered by intewonfan 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The couple getting married should be paying for the wedding themselves, so your comment about the parents isn't an issue.
However, I believe it is important that children be included to attend a wedding, both the ceremony and reception. It's up to the couple to decide.
2007-03-01 15:57:20 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋