I have tried just about everything to make her sleep...?

Question

We have tried everything to make her(1 year old) sleep but nothing works. She just will not sleep at night. We tried rocking her to sleep with and without a bottle, stuffing her and then not so much, her fav toy to sleep with, putting her in her crib awake to fall asleep with and without a bottle, relaxing bath and massage oils, reading books and nusery song cd's... it goes on. I have tried what the books ad magazine advice, even my families advice. She just wakes up screaming. We sometimes let her sleep by us but I don't find it safe, plus, I can't sleep because I roll over on her. I don't believe in letting a baby cry it out because I find it's emotional abuse. Do any of you have any ideas? I haven't got sleep in months and her naps are only 15-30 minutes long. I will take anything!

Answer 1

i was in the exact same boat, i came on here looking for answers, tried what was given and nothing helped. i too did not believe in letting them cry themselves to sleep. After about another month of no result, i broke down and let him cry. he creid the first night for about 30 minutes before falling to sleep and woke up a few times at night and cried a little more but would fall back to sleep in about 15minutes. i never went in the room. After 3 days of this he finally slept the whole night. He gets up early in the morning now, but at least he isnt waking up during the night. I've decided that my son was dependant on me rushing to his side to comfort him and put him down to sleep that he didn't know how to ease himself back to sleep. It wasnt easy to hear him cry, but it was worth it. he is 14months old now and takes longer naps than he did before and will put himself down for naps and when he goes to bed at night.

It's not easy and noone can tell you what will be best for your child, but i strongly suggest that you try and let them cry, if it goes on too long or your child doesnt respond, than stop. A few days wont hurt your child. I felt like an awful mom for doing it, but now that I have seen the turn around in my son's sleeping habit i am thankful that i gave it a shot.

Answer 2

Read the book "the baby whisperer." It involves letting the baby cry (there is no way around this if you want to train her to sleep on her own..... your other alternative is to be patient and wait it out and do what you're doing now. She'll probably be sleeping on her own by the time she's 5.) The book is much milder though than the typical "ferberizing" where you just let her cry by herself. The baby whisperer technique involves you staying in the room with her, and patting her back---shhhing her, encouraging her to go to sleep on her own. Little by little your role is less and less..... It takes a tremendous amount of patience, but it does work. She just needs to learn how to do it without all of your help....without the bottle, the songs, the books, the oils, etc. etc. etc. Her naps are only 15-30 minutes long because that is how long a sleep cycle is. Most babies who know how to put themselves to sleep will just put themselves back to sleep in between cycles. Because your baby doesn't know how to do this, she fully wakes up looking for the rocking, bottle, singing, etc. etc.

Answer 3

Routine is necessary here.
Instead of just trying everything in sight and mind, simplify it.
Start by limiting her naps during the day. Find more stimulating activity for her such as play groups or take her to the playgrounds; offer her more activity throughout the day. Should she need to nap then only let her sleep fpr 45-60 minutes max.
Later in the day around 7:30 or 8:00 p.m start your routine: snack and small drink, warm bath, drying and dressing, stories/songs/lullabyes, whatever to make her relax. Make sure the house is quiet with no distractions and stay with her in her room but her in her crib. Do not talk to her but let her play herself out if she isn't already tired. If she gets up, put her back on her back but NO talking. You are there for comfort and not to entertain her. Be persistant and she will fall asleep. Keep up the routine every night and keep it the same. Children need routine or their lives will feel like chaos as will yours judging by your question.
Hope it works but you are the parent and you enforce the rules. Don't allow her to set the tempo pf the routines!

Answer 4

If you cannot sleep, move around and do some boring/ repetitive activity outside of your room. Make sure your house is dark where you are at. If you slept after 12:00 P.M., you will likely have natural trouble sleeping. Make sure your sleep hygiene is good (activities before sleep). Make sure you don't have electronics in your room, as this inhibits sleep. If you must, keep the lights off or covered well, or else your sleep quality will suffer even if you fall asleep (messes up your circadian clock). Walk around outside of your room, and try the advice if you wish. Make sure you didn't sleep to recently either (within 13 hours ago - although close to 13 probably won't hurt). Good luck

Answer 5

Maybe the problem is that you’ve tried everything. Pick one thing and commit to doing it for 2 weeks. If, after 2 weeks of following the same routine, there is no improvement, then try the next thing.

As for crying it out, allow baby to cry for 5 minutes before you go get her. Then, go get her and give bottle, cuddles, whatever you have been doing to get her to go back to sleep. Next time wait 10 minutes before you go get her. Then wait 15. I found by using this method, my baby never got to be crying for more than 20 minutes and the problem was resolved.

Crying will not hurt your baby.

My Grandpa maintains that the sound of a crying baby is the best sound ever.

He was a fireman (he’s now retired) but he still recalls a fire he went to where he had to pull a baby out of a burning house. The child was found lifeless in its crib apparently having succumbed to smoke inhalation. My grandfather brought the baby outside and says that the best sound he had ever heard was when the baby started to cry. He knew then that the baby was going to be all right.

When my children were babies and they would cry in front of him, he would always say, its okay – let them – it’s good for them and I love the sound.

Answer 6

My son was extemely difficult to put down until 8months. Then I finally convinced myself and my husband he needs to be on a very consistent routine followed by all caregivers. this is what I did.

picked a bed time and stuck with it
started about 45 minutes before bed
give a bath
put soft music on (switching cd's to avoid attachment to just 1).
put his pajamas on
let him play with quiet toys in his room with the door closed ( i did crunches for my tummy)
we would look at 3-5 books on my lap
then i would rock him for five or 10 minutes, but until he fell asleep
then I would put him in his crib and yes I would let him fuss
this has to be done for weeks not days. After about a month, I decreased playtime and then eventually decreased the number of stories and then the rocking
he also had a Snoopy cuddle toy that went to bed with him.

As each day progressed he the crying ended and he just went to sleep. I started doing it just for bedtime and then I incoorporated naps. It took time and patient and he did cry.
Now, a year later, we do a slightly different routine, but we still have music. When we moved him into a big boy bed, we had to temproraly revert back to some of the routine.
He now walks himself to his room most nights. Will gather his Snoopies by himself. Will crawl into bed and I will sit with him a few minutes which is time I cherish. I will leave the room and he goes right to sleep. At day care he is the only child who goes right to his sleeping bag for nap time. My son never took a nook. Even though he is easy to put to bed, he will still cry if we don't warn him about naps especially after just getting home or if he is overtired. That won't change until kids much older.

This is what worked for us. And although the crying was hard to listen to, it decreased and bedtime is not longer this stressful part of our day. I plan to start a routine with my 5 month old when he turns 6 months.

If you do a routine ALL caregivers have to follow it exactly or it won't be effective. It takes a while for it all to come together but it will.
Good luck

Answer 7

I think you have answered your own question...but you will not do it because it is "emotional abuse".

Letting the baby cry it out is your only answer. Kids work well on patterns and your pattern is what you have described. Until you get her on a sequence that is something like: Bath, bed (all night, in her bed) wake up. You are going to continue to have the same problem.

Answer 8

You've tried all these different things to no avail. Try a routine....it will make her feel safer and she knows what to expect.

Dinner, bath, book, bed. NO BOTTLE. Let her cry it out for 15 minutes.......then check on her. Dont dote on her.....just kiss her tell her good night again and leave. Then if she still cries, wait for 30 minutes.....you're not emotionally abusing her. You are allowing her the opportunity to learn how to self soothe. Being a parent doesnt always mean making things easy on our children. This is a really important lesson for your daughter, and the sooner she learns it the more rested and happy everyone will be. Good luck!

Answer 9

We had the same problem. What I finely had to do is take him for a ride. I drove around the block or blocks till he fell a sleep. When he did I'd call my husband, "he's a sleep, I'm coming home have everything ready. we are coming in". He would come out to the car get our son out of the car seat carefully, and put him to bed carefully. lol. This worked for us. Also had a night in his room. If this does not work seek advice from her doctor.

Answer 10

I just want to add the following:

If your baby needed a diaper change but cried because she didn't want one, would you still do it? You would let her "cry it out" in that situation! Think about all situations like that throughout the day. Letting a baby cry because she needs sleep and needs to learn how to sleep by herself is just as valid. That is, as long as you are showing her with love and affection throughout the rest of the day! You need to get your own sleep and sanity back and she needs a sleep routine to grow and thrive... not to mention be well-rested and happy. Believe me- it is sooooo worth it.