My heart is black & whispers in the midnight wind.My soul flies inside your spirit. Do you feel me breath with you as You Ly still? Are you dancing to the music & laughing with the fairies?I tingle & spin with thoughts of us under the winters moon. Fire flies cry & stars fall. I crawl in circles trying to make them square. Bliss it tickles .My fingers tingle..My eyes are still.I am not as Content as I once was when I was lost in your charms. Where I once found a beginning my inner being cannot see end. All wasn't evil &ill. Unconditional love from an angels wings, will keep you swirling & floating amongst the earths clouds.An illusionists magic makes what was once banish appear before my eyes . Over & over tortures with slivers of a broken mirror. A reflection of love faded & berried under the shallow surface of my blue sea of salty sorrow. Under my skin u crawl to my mind & sleep in my heart. You will never leave. I am chained to you...Longing for a summers breath of innocents first kiss..Good night my love ...Sweet Dreams
2007-03-01 05:47:01 · 9 answers · asked by Nicole S 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
revealing
2007-03-01 05:50:09 · answer #1 · answered by iroc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good title for this poem would be "Inside A BiPolar Mind". I found it very good, loved the fantasies you added. Very describtive and holds my attention, couldn't wait to read the next line! If this was written in block form, it would be better understood. Like for instead:
My heart is black and whispers in the midnight wind,
My soul flies inside your spirit
Do you feel me breathe with you as you lie still?
ok, you get the idea. Not changing anything at all, just making it easier to read. You have a lot of talent and I love the way you are describing going in circles, trying to make them square, it is like trying to make sense of what is going on inside your head. Great writing here. Check your spelling twice and join a poetry group for more feedback and to get tips on writing. You have talent, don't waste it.
2007-03-01 06:10:14 · answer #2 · answered by Linda W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry sweetie.. From the very first line it is desperately cliche and self loathing... Sounds like you're trying too hard to be Amy Lee? All it lacks is Lithium or some other reference to mental illness and/or co dependency?
Not good stuff. Very immature content that doesn't allow one to get past it, to what you are actually feeling for how you are incorectly expressing it. (Unless you Are a cliche personality) but even then, it still needs work...
You are young...and I too remember writing like this... It will get better. Remember poetry is like a fine gemstone, the more you polish it the better it shines and shows your reflection. Keep trying and keep polishing it.
2007-03-01 05:55:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
its more like prose 6/10
Edit: Actually I read it again and liked it more this time, you do have a talent you can develop.
You really need to run a spell check before you send stuff out (berried?). Im not at all sure about using ampersands and if your not going to put it verse then at least use paragraphs. Keep it up youll get there!
2007-03-01 05:51:40 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it does need a little tweaking but not too much. I prefer raw talent over polished any day! Something gets lost when one refines their craft too much! Keep writing, expressing oneself is the best therapy in the world!
2007-03-01 06:03:36 · answer #5 · answered by Laura S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once I examine this it gave me a picture like; A imaginative and prescient, blurred of human beings giggling, human beings speaking joyfully, then it fades coloration, and keeps like a blur, the colour is black and white, it shows a lonely woman or guy, a fallen face, shows the melancholy, then coloration flashes and shows like the obsession till it is going all white, then whilst discomfort is going, it flashes purple, then the face, the fallen face loses the final look of wish, showing the grief that has no longer alleviation, after which the fallen face turns, and sees the daybreak, with eyes that look gray, with the international gray, different than the daybreak, after which, the fallen face like makes a face to illistrate the final verse. Thats the kind of image that popped into my head collectively as interpreting that.
2016-11-26 22:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I liked it . It is like looking in a mirror. Keep up the good work.
2007-03-01 06:03:27 · answer #7 · answered by slw_402000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
THAT IS a beautiful poem. Thats exactly how my mind feels. You are very talented. Thank You
2007-03-01 05:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by thmsnbrgll 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take this link u have talent so keep writing http://www.poemhunter.com
2007-03-01 06:15:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋