How can we get a good nights sleep?

Question

I have asked about this before and am still having the same problem so i am trying to get some new perspectives, my son is about 20 months old and absolutely will not sleep in his bed all night, he has a bedtime routine of a bath and a story and then he cuddles with mom until he falls asleep around 9 930, i lay him in his bed and hes fine until about 11 1130 and then he wakes up screaming, i know i shouldnt but i go get him after listening to his screams for as long as i can stand, i have tried waiting it out but he will scream for over an hour even if i just go in and tell him everythings ok and its time to go nite nite. usually i can get him to go back to sleep and then i lay him back down and then he does the same thing again around 2-3, needless to say he usually ends up in our bed bc my husband and i cant stand hearing him scream for hours but then he kicks and moves around so much in our bed that no one gets a good nights sleep, i dont know what to do, please help!

Answer 1

First thing, his bedtime is way too late. He should be in bed at 8 at the very latest. When a child's bedtime is too late they can become overtired very easily and this makes it almost impossible for them to fall asleep and stay asleep all night. It does not sound logical but it's completely biological, they will fight off restorative sleep when they are overtired, which explains why he is waking after only a couple of hours, fight or flight mode. Second thing, you have to leave him alone when he wakes up, period. He knows you will come and get him so he will cry for as long as it takes. If you are firm and do not go to him at all, not even to verbally comfort him, he will learn and put him self back to sleep if and when he wakes in the middle of the night. If you choose to go this method, which I truly believe you need to, the crying will get worse before it gets better, but if you honestly commit to trying it for one full week I think you will see that by the end of the week he is sleeping soundly through the night. What's one more week of sleep loss in order to insure better overall sleep habits? Seriously if you don't correct it now, you could be looking at years of sleep problems and possible learning issues in school. Good luck.

Answer 2

The routine of bath and story is great however cuddling with mom until he falls asleep is where you get in trouble. He's gotten used to you being there so it's normal for him wake up and scream when he sees you're not there anymore.
You need to start on a Friday 'cause the night might be long but here's what you do...
Follow the routine of bath and story, cuddle with him a few minutes and then leave. Depending on how your son is, you might want to explain that it's because he's a big boy now or that you need to go do something and you'll be back in a while to check on him (that's what we did with my daughter). He'll call you in a few times, ok maybe 100 times but after a few nights, he should get the hang of things. This way, when he wakes up at night, he'll have learnt how to fall asleep on his own.
If he doesn't already have a favourite stuffed animal or something, I would definitely get him one.
Good luck and remember to stick with it no matter how hard it gets.

Answer 3

Your kid has found out that what he's doing is working. If he screams and fights for long enough, your husband caves and he gets his own way.

Here's what I would do:

Stop laying with him until he falls asleep. Your child needs to know how to soothe himself and fall asleep by himself. When he wakes up a few hours later and youre not there, he doesnt know how to cope or what to do.

Let him scream it out. You and your husband will have to be on the same page about this. It may take a whole week of no sleep....and when your child figures out that just screaming isnt working he may decide to kick it up a notch and scream till he throws up. He's not in any physical danger, though, so let him. Trust me, its better to nip this in the bud now than to endure years and years of not sleeping. You know the saying "Pick your battles"? This is your battle and its PARAMOUNT that you win it. Good luck.

Answer 4

Me too. Didn't get to sleep until about 1 a.m. and I had to be up at 7. I woke up very tired, especially because I tossed and turned all night. And when I finally fell into a sleep deep enough to dream, I had a nightmare. What's up with the universe?

Answer 5

Tracey Y I laughed out loud at your answer! Good one-and all too true.

I am afraid you are going to have to grow a set of balls on this one. Little Jr has learned what buttons to push. If you can't show him now who is in charge, then you never will.

Let him scream. It will rip your heart out for the first few nights. Make sure he has a night light, or put some glow-in-the-dark things on his ceiling for him to look at & hold his attention.

Another good idea would be a quick trip to the pediatrician just to be 100% certain there isn't something else going on that needs attention.

Here's another thought: When he is sick and he has to have medications that make you drowsy, how does he sleep?

Answer 6

I hate to say it but you need to get up every time he does, calm him, reassure him, remind him that he is safe in his own bed. Make sure he has a stuffed animal, favorite blanket or even a flashlight with him. Try to figure out if there is something he is scared of. Is there a tree branch outside his window that casts an eerie shadow in his room, does the house creek? Theese are things you can either fix or try to explain. The main thing is to be consistant. His bed is where he sleeps, no matter what.

Answer 7

Start by sitting by him when he goes to sleep
My daughter did this when she was that age...every night since she was born i would lay with her to get her to fall asleep...my first mistake...then up until she was 4 years old she would do exactly what you are talking about ...i just bought her a couch and put it on my floor and she came in and laid down and went to sleep ...well this got in between me and my husbands Love life and we decided it was time for a change....well our problem was fixed very easily....we decided to buy her a dora bed...and ever since that day she has not been in my room...even tho she dont even sleep on her bed anymore....both of my girls end up on the couch in the living room by the time i wake up in the morning they rarely bother me and if they do its because they want sippy cups...well good luck you can try all you can do is try...dont give up and something will change...

Answer 8

You've become a crutch to his falling asleep. He needs to get used to falling asleep BY HIMSELF. Then, when he wakes in the night (which is totally normal for kids to do) he can self soothe back to sleep. You lying with him until he falls asleep is the problem.

Answer 9

WOW, you sound like me....lol. And my son is just turned 3 y/o. I used to make my son sleep in my bed (single mother) b/c of my own issues, but I started paying for it oncehe got older and started doing the potty training thing. And during that, he WILL NOT be sleeping with mommie. I have done the same. But one thing I stopped doing was allowinghim to hang out in my bed. We started to do more in his room. I just started putting him in his bed and telling him good night and that I would be in the other room if he needs me. He struggled a couple of nights, trying to get out of that routine, but now he sleeps in his bed all night. He still will wake up in the middle of the night, but he tells me he has to go to the bathroom and gets back into bed. Also, what I used to do when he was younger, put a tee shirt that you were around the house with your scent on it. Also, I would give him an incentive to sleep in his own bed......piece of gum in the morning, milk or something fun that he likes to do. Now, he is doing well. Now, tell me why I still cant get any sleep....lol.... strangest thing. But the issue was to get him out of my bed, eventually I will get myself out of the routine of getting up in the middle of the night to check on him..... Good Luck!!!

PS. When you put him in his bed, let him cry himself to sleep one or 2 nights......he will learn that way. Just make sure that he is not wet or hurt, then slightly pull your door up and go to sleep. Eventually, he will tire himself out and fall to sleep.

Answer 10

Give it ten years and you won't be able to get him out of bed. Good luck for the next nine years.