My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 & half years, and getting married next July. We are very happy and get along well, but we, as many couples do, have had our moments!!
Especially because I am really jealous of his ex girlfriend. He is nearly thirty (I'm 25) and his last 'serious' girlfriend was when he was20! It was with a 16/17 year old girl. During the 1st year of our relationship I saw a picture of her at his sister's wedding. She looked really pretty, very slim, long flowing blonde hair!!! I'm over weight, have short dry horrid dark hair and crap skin!!!
To make things worse, I love to sing (karaoke - but I'm good). My Boyfriend first told me that his ex girlfriend was a good singer (she sang Pie Jesu at his sister's wedding!!! Oh crap did that make me feel, you would not believe?!!
Next, he decided to tell me once that she was a dancer who lived in a nice house...blah blah blah!! Ok, he say that he doesn't even think about her etc etc. HELP ME ! ! ! !
2007-03-01 05:23:58 · 20 answers · asked by Fairy Dust :*:*: 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i think its something normal to feel jealous
but what i want to tell u is that he loves u for simple reason , if he still love his ex girlfriend then he will leave u and go to her
but what made me sure that he loves u is when u said he going to marry u
if he dont love u then he wasnt going to marry u
i think u should put out from ur mind all this feelings and emotions because it will kill u
just think about ur life with him and forget about this girl
2007-03-01 05:29:12 · answer #1 · answered by micho 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being jealous is just a way to distract yourself from more important issues - like intimacy and the fact that you're making the ultimate commitment to another person for the rest of your life. Stop avoiding your feelings and your jealous thoughts of her will go away. This is an important time in your life and you should be looking ahead at the future, not dwelling on the past.
Everyone has a history. But the fact that he's been with you all this time and still talks about his ex means that YOU have not come to terms with his past. If you were not constantly comparing yourself to her in your mind, he wouldn't bring her up - really. It's like you wear your thoughts like a neon sign above your head. People instinctively know what makes us crazy. You have to get over this - if my hubby hadn't lived his life and gone out with all the women he did, he wouldn't be who he is today. It has never bothered me one bit that he has a history. I have a history, too. I am me and he loves me. You are you and your fiance loves you. Next time he brings up the ex, tell him you don't want to hear it. But seek counseling if thoughts of her consume you.
2007-03-01 13:36:53 · answer #2 · answered by geoxena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that you have poor self image and low self esteem...There is no reason to be jealous unless she is calling and seeing him on a regular basis. For all I know... he may be telling you these things to keep you. He is afraid that you will move on. So what better way to hold on to you but to feed you tasty tid bits of their past. You are eating them up as well. Do you really want a husband that will stifle you???? Look in the mirror and if you don't like what you see do something about it. Find a new hairdresser that will transform your hairstyle. Lose a little weight......best way I found is to keep your mouth closed around food :) There are many skin care products on the market today take advantage of that. Keep singing you enjoy it and as long as it pleases you do it! When he told you about the ex's singing abilities you made yourself feel like crap again feeding into low self esteem...... If she was so great they would be together today. He asked you to marry him not the ex!
2007-03-01 13:44:02 · answer #3 · answered by Pearlinpc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, why did he break up with her? There must have been a reason. And, you said that in your first year of the relationship, he talked about how well she sanged, so good, she sanged at the wedding and how beautiful she looked. I mean, was this comparison been going on for over three years? Because, if it has, why are you planning to marry someone who will constantly compare you to her? Why trouble yourself? If he wants another "her", then why doesn't he go back to her?
I would think that you would reconsider wanting to be married to him, if he is going to compare you to her, all the time.
2007-03-01 13:34:13 · answer #4 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves you, you are person he wants to marry, right? It sounds as if you are very insecure about yourself. It sounds corny, but the most attractive aspect of a woman is confidence. Celebrate all that is great about you and if there is some aspect that you have the power to change or alter, stop whining about it and take charge. Every person has that which makes him/her special. I think the very best a person can be is loving and kind(to herself as well as others) Concentrate on the things you excel at, and I think you will see yourself in the lovely light that your fiance does. After all, he picked YOU didn't he? If it makes you feel better, think that she is a compulsive liar and a frigid *****.
2007-03-01 13:32:42 · answer #5 · answered by smp1969 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's more of your insecurity than anything. Some of the differences between you and the ex may have been evident, but what is also evident is that he has dedicated three and a half years with you and that's not time men like to waste. Hell, he knew what she looked like when he decided to marry YOU!! Stop worrying or it will cause a rift between the two of you. Stop comparing yourself to her!! Would you be happy if he left you for her considering you seem to think that she's a better choice. Let it go!!! Love him and let him love you. Focus on now!! I wouldn't even mention her name, or ask him about her. You're his now, he loves you, he wants you... He wants to marry you, not her... Think about it. Good Luck!
2007-03-01 15:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by lamonross80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see your have bought into the media idea of beauty. If this bothers you so much loose the weight, clean up your skin, and change your hairstyle. What greater gift to give your future in husband anyway?
Stop comparing you to others. There is always someone prettier, smarter, or more talented. You can't change what you came in this world with but you make the best of it. If you are not satisfied with yourself then do something about it.
2007-03-01 13:37:38 · answer #7 · answered by T-Rex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think every woman is jealous of her man's ex because at one time she saw something in her. I mean my husband ex wife is a nasty drug addict (she got that way after they met while he was in jail she also got knocked up by the man who she was cheating on him with) and I still sometimes find myself jealous of her and I look a 110% better, have all my teeth, and know I'm not a lousy mother (she terminated her rights to their daughter so she could do meth) but the fact at one time he felt something/ saw something in her still bothers me from time to time. You just have to remember there's a reason he's with you now.
2007-03-01 13:32:39 · answer #8 · answered by Allie400 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel. jealousy is somthig that doesen't go away. my first boyfriend; i saw a pic of a girl he dated and lost his virginty to. she litterally looks like a fat thelma from scooby doo! i'm short was overweight when we dated but i look alot better (even back than) it's over 10 years later and i'm still jealous. and the hell of it is i'm married and have 5 kids. so really all i can say is he's w/ you! and when you get jealous keep that in mind.
2007-03-01 13:30:37 · answer #9 · answered by i hate undies! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hes w/ you dear . You r insecure & shouldn't be.....I f his ex was a dancer & shes ugly it must have been an awful place . I would question why your b/f was w/ someone of that stature. Maybe it was sex.... Shes in big house maybe he wanted her 4 her money... hee hee hee he e... Oh Dear ... you don't think she earns a living another way than danceing do you? Gosh i hope you r taking careful steps of protection... Sounds like she maybe an entertainer w/ a good voice & good looks... I wonder why he chose you ... I guess its true what they say LOVE IS BLIND>>>>>>>>>>>>>>..
2007-03-01 13:42:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋