A couple of months ago I was dating a very nice man from my church. I had to let him know that I was no longer interested in dating him because he was moving way too fast for me. (talking about marriage after only 5 dates) On the 10th of February my father passed away unexpectly. He was there and very supportive during my time of mourning. He took me out to the movies a couple of days after my father's funeral to try to take my mind off of the terrible ordeal.
Tuesday was my 31st bday. He called me last night to say we will have to go some place to celebrate this weekend. I told him aww that's nice but won't be necessary. He says "that's my job".
I really do appreciate him being here for me when my dad passed away but I still am not interested in dating him.
Do I need to tell him that again? Do I need to go out and celebate my birthday with him even though I am happy just sitting at home alone and watching a movie? Help please what to do? I don't want to be rude!
2007-03-01 05:15:45 · 44 answers · asked by Cheryl J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Go out to dinner, make sure you have money and tell him you aren't interested. Yes again. There are many nice ways of letting him know. When he says things like that's my job just laugh and say something like isn't that what people do when they are dating? Just make light of the situation. IF he doesn't get it then maybe it's time to start saying back off. But for now he sounds like he could become a really close friend and we all need those. Sorry to hear about the passing of your dad and I'm glad you had such a caring person to help you out. Oh and the reason I said have cash is just in case things go sour or you can offer to pay for half just so it doesn't look and sound like a date. Good luck!
2007-03-01 05:20:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's a shame when people worry so much about offending other people that they forget that their own feelings are important too.
you've recently suffered a tragic loss, it's natural you'll be a little fragile and emotional at the moment, and also a little vulnerable.
it would be all too easy for you to fall into a relationship with this man when you don't really want to.
you should rule out the notion that he's being a little predatory, realising your vulnerable and taking advantage - that's possibly a little unfair/uncharitable, he's possibly just a genuinely nice guy, but we have established that he does have an ulterior motive because he does like you.
perhaps you didn't make yourself clear to him before.
it sounds as though he thinks you're not interested because he was moving too fast for you, so he's maybe trying to back off and let you run things at your own pace.
sometimes you just have to be a little clearer with people, be cruel to be kind.
you can do it without being rude though.
if i were you i'd find a way to speak to him, or write him a letter/email if you'd find that easier, and just say that much as you appreciate his friendship that you're not romantically interested in him and therefore you feel it would be better if you didn't see each other any more ... to avoid any complications. he may suggest that you just be friends, but that'll just him clutching at straws in the hope of eventually winning you over, simply apologise and be firm that you don't want to.
he may be hurt, but you deserve to live your life your way.
personally i quite enjoy my own company, and whilst i have a fiance and lots of great friends, there's many a time when i'd just quite like to have a nice quiet night on my own.
if you're going to have an evening in yourself i can recommend getting a tub of ben & jerry's "fish food" (chocolate, marshmallow, and toffee ... mmm my favourite), and watching grosse point blank, a fun movie with some great tunes.
oh, and happy birthday.
2007-03-01 05:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by brightspark 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was very generous of this guy that you met at church to take you out and be there for you when a loved one died. It seems though you are not interested in dating at the moment and you have told him several times that you don't want to,maybe you and him could be good friends for awhile and see how that works out and then determine if you still feel the same way then that you do now. Go out as a friend with him and tell him that is what you want to do right now, he seems like a really understanding guy. Don't be afraid to tell him what is on your mind despite what has already happened and you know once he knows about then maybe you might be surprised at his reaction, it might just turn out that he too wants to be nothing but friends at the moment.
2007-03-01 05:23:10 · answer #3 · answered by gordonflames242003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you do not need to go out on your birthday if you don't want to. You are an adult and can do whatever you want and with whomever you want to celebrate, or not celebrate, it.
Tell him you greatly appreciate him being there when you father passed away, but you are not interested in him except as a friend.
He is not listening to you about how you feel about him and sadly it will not improve with time. Be firm or else you will get further in this situation that will be harder to get out of - if you can.
Good luck!
2007-03-01 05:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by rowantreelover 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just inform him one last time that it was great that he offered but you really don't think it'd be fair for him for you to go out with him if your not into him. Make it like your trying to be nice to him and making yourself stay at home so you don't hurt him in the long run. Explain that it might sound selfish but really your looking out for him regardless of whether you literally are or not. If he doesn't get the hint after this attempt then you might want to get rude and explain that you might sound rude but it's only because you were nice before and he hasn't caught on and now it's just getting annoying. Good luck !!
2007-03-01 05:21:31 · answer #5 · answered by the_wicked_itch_of_the_west 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not interested don't go out with him. You should tell him again that you just want to be friends. The longer you put it off the harder if will be when you do decide to tell him.
If it doesn't work after that, just ignore him. I know it is a harsh way to end something but sometimes it's the only way. I had to do it. I was in a similar position. I was going out with a guy that liked me like that but when i was with him I felt like I was hanging out with my brother or something. It wasn't long before I broke it off.
2007-03-01 05:23:26 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad idea to go out with him... Especially if you know you're not interested in him! Also the bringing up the marriage thing that soon... That's just crazy!! He's trying to rush the relationship, and that's never a good thing... Especially when he doesn't even know how you feel about him! I say RUN!
2007-03-01 05:23:18 · answer #7 · answered by raven975 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him if you can take a raincheck. That way it looks like you aren't completely turning him down. If you want to spend your birthday alone, then so be it!!! Don't feel bad.
As for him liking you, just be straight forward once you two do see each other next time. Or, write him a thank you note for supporting you through the time after your dad passed away, and you appreciate his friendship. Focus on being friends with him, and if he doesn't get it, then be frank with him.
2007-03-01 05:20:14 · answer #8 · answered by Keep It Sane 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are your own person. And IT IS NOT his job to keep you entertained. Tell him the best B.D. gift for you this year is to have an evening of quit time to yourself. Let him know you haven't had time to yourself for a while and you want to treat yourself to this rare luxury. Every body needs time to themselves now and then. If in the future you still feel pressured to go out with him when you don't want to, talk to your Minister about the dilemma. Your Minister will know how to handle the situation gracefully.
2007-03-01 05:25:16 · answer #9 · answered by Vida 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You might need to remind him. He may think he has his foot in the door because he took advantage of you during a weak time in which you needed the support.
If you don't want to see him, and don't want to spend time with him that may give him the wrong ideas, say no, and just leave it at that.
You may not want to be rude, but he is imposing himself on your space and disregarding your request that you are not romantically interested in him. You're going to have to be forceful if he doesn't get it.
2007-03-01 05:20:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋