My sister-in-law was over at my house and she used our internet to check her emails. I went to check my emails and her window was still open ( Dial-up internet ...I was disconnected) anyways ...this might not have been right but I read what the email said. What I want to know is should I confront her with what the email said or should I take it straight to her Mom and Dad ( she is 13) The email was about life not being worth living and her friends moving away ...just some really heavy stuff. The thing that gets me is her life is fantastic ! I don't mean having every material things that someone could ever want... I mean love, understanding, a wonderful Mom, Dad, Brothers ...just family life in general. Should I talk to her first and tell her I saw the email or should I just go straight to her Mom and Dad. Her and I are close and I don't want her to think I am "telling on" her but I also know that this isn't normal and she needs some help.
2007-03-01 04:42:42 · 31 answers · asked by *Alice* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
( to those who said I am nosey) If you saw a email that wasn't yours and the subject was " it doesn't seem worth it" would you read it if you knew it was a 13 year old girl writing it ? You have no idea what is at stake here so don't say stupid things like "you are nosey" ...my house, my computer and my sister-in-law that I love very much. If it was someone you love I am sure you would do the same thing.
2007-03-01 04:59:24 · update #1
You did not deliberately go snooping through her things. She used your property and "accidently" left it open on the screen. For all you know, it could be a silent cry for help! Suicidal thoughts and depresssion among teens is increasing and it is one of the only things that doctors or therapists break confidentiality rules over. I think that it is vital for her parents to know about it, but also, talk about it with your husband beforehand. She does need help, whether she is serious or simply trying to fit in with friends. As someone who went through what she might be going through, I would have rather had someone try to help me before it was too late.
2007-03-01 04:56:27 · answer #1 · answered by Willow_Elf 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, now you have read her private email. From this point, if you want to so call help her from what it seems like committing suicide. Then you need to handle this in a more delicate manner. Let her know that she had left her email open after she used your computer; you thought it was someone sending you an email, so you read it. Just inform her that if she ever needs to talk, you are there for her. I would not go to her parents just yet. Also at this point don't bombard her with your views of how she should appreciate her life with her family. You are on the outside looking in, first let her come to you, if she wants to. Then she will let you in; that is if you really and truly want to help her. And if she does let you into her confidence what ever you do, do not ruin it by going to all the members of yours and her family gossiping about what she has told you in private confidence. Otherwise if you take an approach of going to her parents and telling them she is thinking about committing suicide when she is possibly only venting her feeling but do not have any real intention of ending her life then you will cause a serious detrimental breakdown of her immediate family. Especially if she is already having issues in it. But if she is thinking truly about ending her life, become a true best friend to her and share with her how great of a person she is, not the family she is born into, make her feel special, and not just because she is born into what you think is a fantastic life and family.
2007-03-01 05:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want her to be in good terms tell her that next time she goes into the computer to close her window or anyone could read it!! Then, tell her that by mistake you opened it and read it, ask as a freind if she has any problems and that you think she can trust you.......try to help her out then talk to her parents this way everyone is on the same page and they don't attack her......many problems start by the way parents attack their kids who still have not lived life but think minor things are a big deal and the end of the world.......
Once, she sees that she messed up by living her window open she will realize that you are also acting like a friend and most likely open up to you!! Kids usually are revelious and you must be careful on how to approach a problem unless you really don't care about how they will feel about you in the future!!
Good Luck!!!
2007-03-01 04:53:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because she has a great mom and dad and family, doesn't mean that she is happy. I wrote a poem called "On the Inside" You can read this poem at www.poetry.com. I wrote it when I was 15. Put in my first and last name. Jessica Kays, I was not deprived of anything as a child either, I still felt like something was missing. If anything, when you read the poem, you'll probably be able to relate, since you and her are close, you should ask her to read it and see what she thinks. Gradually ask her about her life, tell her that you know me, and I was a young girl going through a self destructive time in my life and start asking her about how she's doing, how's school, how are her friends, her grades, everything. Maybe she just needs someone to listen, to feel, to vent to. I am sure that she is having trouble with a group at school, or just self esteem issues, but being depressed is awful. Racing thoughts and raging hormones at 13 cannot be healthy. Please talk to her, and if you feel it necessary after your talk, tell her parents. They will appreciate it. Maybe there is something about herself that she feels like she has to keep a secret from everyone in her life who is so "great" because this secret, she knows will not be so "great" when they find out and she doesn't know how she'll ever deal with it.
2007-03-01 04:52:43 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a parent and I would want someone to sacrifice trust for safety. If you are close to her then say, the other day after you were done on the net, I went in and your window was still open I didn't read everything but I did see where it said you ...... and I'd like to talk to you about it. It's dial up internet and I think she left it open so you would see it and BEFRIEND her more. Then you should tell her parents and let them know not to confront her but be more watchful of certain behavior
2007-03-01 04:51:32 · answer #5 · answered by brandyswilkes 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with her and just have a heart to heart talk. Ask her if anything is bothering her because you noticed she hasn't been acting like herself lately. Relate to her, say something like 'i know life is tough at 13 years old." Don't come right out and say you read her email because then she will feel like she cant trust you and then she wont open up to you anyway. Try to be there for her while she's going through rough times and always reinforce that; always let her know you are available to listen to her and that you care for her. Sometimes even the people with the best lives go through the worst times and feel bad. I wouldnt go tell your mom and dad right away unless you feel something really terrible is happening, like she is hurting herself.
2007-03-01 04:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by mirageoflove34 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming that you are older than her and that you are close. If in fact this is the case, I suggest that you talk to her privately. She might open up her feelings to you so be ready to give good advices. Good fortunate people are still people with insecurities so try to be understanding. She is in fact a teenager so she must feel so confused with her ideas or beliefs. The best thing you can do is make her feel that you are a supportive friend and concerned about her well-being.
It will never be easy to convince any hard headed teenager your mature values and opinions but patience is a virtue.
Good Luck!!!
2007-03-01 04:52:40 · answer #7 · answered by kitten 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DONT GO TO YOUR PARENTS this would break your sisters trust big time, you violated her privacy period. You also maybe jumping to conclusions with this e-mail. I would talk to her about it, but if your worried shes suicidal here are some warning: Teenage Suicide Warning Signs
One of the significant warning signs is a previous suicide attempt
Marked changes in personality, mood
Giving away personal possession, cleaning their room and throwing out things they own
Talking about suicide, wanting to die, saying life is not worth living, or expressing feelings of worthlessness
Depression, great sadness
Feelings of hopelessness and/or guilt
Feelings of isolation and loneliness
Changes to sleep patterns (such as excessive sleeping, early morning wakening, not sleeping well)
Withdrawing from activities and family
Having difficulty communicating. Being unable or having great difficulty talking
Changes to eating habits and appetite
Inability to concentrate
Losing interest in things they previously enjoyed
Having a friend or family member who has committed suicide
Using drugs or alcohol. There is some evidence that people who use are more likely to make a successful suicide attempt
Sudden marked behavioral changes such as restlessness or reckless behavior
Changes in academic performance
Loss of interest in personal appearance
Marks of self harming such as scratches or wounds on the body
Hope I helped~
2007-03-01 05:23:12 · answer #8 · answered by Laura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad for reading the email, it was there and it's human nature. Besides, her carelessness probably happened for a reason. Your husband is her brother, you should talk to him about it. If you are close, then the 2 of you could confront her. I would also make the parents aware, since they are the ones ultimately responsible for her. Something could be going on at home right under their noses and they not notice. Besides, if something happened to her and you could have stopped it by telling and don't, you will feel awful!
2007-03-01 04:49:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would of done the same thing.lol... I think you should talk to her yourself.. be her friend so she has someone to talk to... tell her u will always be there for her... shes only 13 shes too young to think that way.. you can change her.... and if ur help isnt working ill tell her mom and dad.... if something bad happens and u knew of this and did nothing.. u would have this overwhelming guilt... she might not like u for reading it..but one day she will thank you and she will be alive... good luck..
2007-03-01 05:23:51 · answer #10 · answered by gina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋