I know it's not very masculine. Hey I haven't written one in years....so bash me if you want, lol,
How did we fall apart,
We were meant to be,
Without, I can't see
Forgive me?
For now my heart on my sleeve,
Things the way they use to be,
Hating me, to be hating you,
All me, I was the fool,
I miss you
2007-03-01 04:36:14 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hmmmmm, I don't like it. Read this, it's a beautiful short story...
Time Understands Love
Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others......, including Love. One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help. Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you." Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat." Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now." Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arri ved on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder. Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."
2007-03-01 04:40:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You wanted honesty, and I will give you honesty; I don't like it.. I understand you tried to put feeling and effort into it, but I don't get a feeling from it and I don't care about the two people involved in the poem.. It doesn't flow very well and it's childishly stated.... Find a new hobby or work really hard at writing and maybe you'll get somewhere, I don't know.. Poetry just doesn't seem to be your thing.
2007-03-01 04:41:03 · answer #2 · answered by Kiara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that any poem that you write that comes from your heart is phenomenal. It is so rare for anyone, much less a guy, to actually sit down and write anything heartfelt anymore. The poem is very sad too. I'm sad for you if this is what you are feeling. I hope that you start to feel better soon.
2007-03-01 04:40:53 · answer #3 · answered by indie1234 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the peoms okay the first verse is fine other than id change cant 2 cannot personally, i love poetry an write a bit myself. but its alright since uve not wrote in a while. try building up your emotions on how u feel an thn u can see the sorrow an pain inflicted on her leaving u, it ill be much better an ull b able 2 feel the true emotions u r feeling.
2007-03-01 04:49:41 · answer #4 · answered by sam 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is great. Havent written for a while? What are some of the other ones? I have been a writer for years and i think it is good, would like to read more to get overall opinion.
2007-03-01 04:41:57 · answer #5 · answered by orion_1812@yahoo.com 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From one poet to another...its a good start considering you haven't written one for years. Keep trying. Good Luck!
2007-03-01 04:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by mysweetluvie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you think it sounds? Hey these are you feelings I say write it down put it in a safe place and re visit it from time to time
2007-03-01 04:40:13 · answer #7 · answered by Diva Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How did we fall apart,
We were meant to be,
Without you, I can't see
hmm it doesn't flow..sorry
it was hard 2 read
2007-03-01 04:52:39 · answer #8 · answered by Gõlden angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who cares if it's not masculine. If it gives you release, I say it's beautiful and you should give it to her. Keep writing - it's good for the soul.
2007-03-01 04:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by Heffiner 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's short and sweet and to the point... not too far out for her to have to dig for the meaning.
Good job.
2007-03-01 04:40:15 · answer #10 · answered by ssssss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋