Should I spank my son?

Question

My son is 4 years old, and is always disobeying me and his father.. I tried sending him to time out, and I tried taking away some toys, but nothing works. Should I try spanking?

Answer 1

Parents that spank are 99% of the time NOT abusing their children. They are applying a punishment to a behavior. What these parents don't understand is that they can change a behavior more effectively w/o spanks. I have worked with thousands of families to change behavior and taught at the university level. So, if you really want him to obey you, here's what I suggest:

Before you give him a direction, say his name (boys really need this) to get his attention. Tell him this is an opportunity to earn a star (or smiley face, whatever). Give him the direction. If he does it the first time he's asked, give him a star on a chart. Let him earn rewards for stars (tv time, ice cream, goldfish, time with dad, play at YMCA, park, etc). If he doesn't do the request, apply a punishment that he knows about ahead of time. He goes to another room, tv off, toy put in time-out, etc. You have to be consistent and so does your husband. I promise you his behavior will change :) Best of luck!

Answer 2

Absolutely! This is you responsibility as his parent alot of times, because of playtime and constant affection our children confuse our roles and feel that we are their friends. If they don't listen to or throw a fit they feel they can get their way. Discipline reinforces the roles and helps them to understand that while we can play and have fun together we are still the parent. First have the child's hearing tested (this was my brothers problem and he was always in time out or spanked when he really needed tubes for ear infections) if his hearing is good then proceed with the spanking. I agree never out of anger and always tell the child why @4 I would even have them tell you. Then about 5-6 minutes later (depending on age generally 1minute per year old) Console the child and let him know you still love him you we upset with his action. This has worked wonderfully with my 2 1/2 year old.

hope this helps

Answer 3

My answer is NO!! I have 4 kids and NEVER spank .. When negative reaction doesn't work ie taking toys and privledges .. try positive reinforcement .. praise him when he does well.

What you have posted here I am strongly warning you is a highly debated subject and you are going to get some heated answers. Take it all with a grain of salt.

I am a strong believer in the ethics of Dr. William sears. I suggest checking a few of his books out from the library. He has some awsome advice and doesn't every involve physical punishment.

Answer 4

it really depends on how you feel about it.....

I have a 3 step system,(1) I calmly say no and give a reason why he should not be doing something, (2) I raise my voice but dont yell warning again of the consecquence (3) and if nothing has stopped I spank, not hard... then I wait a few moments and explain why I spanked and then make sure to reinforce something good my son has done and that I love him and am here to watch over him....

this has worked very well and my son rarely has to be spanked at all...

Answer 5

A good spanking can sometimes do wonders, especially if everything else has failed.

I used to know a couple who raised two boys. As the boys grew into their teenaged years they became very disrespectful to their lenient parents, especially their mother. I was always amazed at how they would allow their boys to talk to them. They would often tell their mother to f-off. I moved away and some years passed. Then I saw their father one day and asked about the family. He hung his head and said that he and his wife had divorced and his two boys were both in prison on drug charges. He went on to express how he didn't understand what went wrong. He said, "We always treated them like our equals, like they were our friends. We never even spanked them. I don't know how they turned out this way."

Sad, but true.

Children need to know their parents are in control. Well established rules, boundaries and discipline applied when required makes children feel safe. They need to know that there is someone stronger and wiser than them who is watching out for their welfare. They want you to be strong so they can be at ease and just be a kid.

Answer 6

I like to save spanking for really big stuff like running out in traffic. If he's four, make sure he's getting enough sleep 10-12 hrs a night and maybe even an afternoon nap. Sometimes they get wild from being tired. Cut TV down to maybe 1/2 hr a day....that really helps get my daughter calmed down. Make sure he's getting a lot of outside time so he can wear himself out. Stick to the punishments that you give. If he's giving you a hard time then tell him he gets no tv for the rest of the day (or whatever you choose) then follow through with it. Also, make sure he knows what to do.......my daughter gets bad when she's bored too....offer some suggestions of what he can do.....give him a little chore to do...keep him busy!!! When he has a good day, make sure to reward him. Some days when my daughter is being especially sweet, I will just tell her, you've been so good today and that makes mommy so happy, let's walk to the store for an ice cream. Then other days I will remind her about that.....I just loved that day when you were such a good girl and we went for ice cream. Make a big deal about it when he is doing good stuff. It's really important.

Answer 7

yes! Spare the rod (spanking) spoil the child. He's old enough to know that when you say no you mean no. You are the parent and he is the child. I have never believed in time out it does not work. The child needs to know that he's made a bad choice and since he did there is a result.

Do not spank in anger..let him know why he's being spanked...that he made a bad choice and becasue he did that he's going to get spanked. He will soon learn to associate being spanked with that bad choice and he'll not do it.

Answer 8

i got spanked since i was abt 2
there is nothing worng with me

I learnt respect towards my parents, had good grades and now I have the best relationship I could ever have with them

I am going to bring my children up the same way

Children are not made of crystal and discipline needs to be enforced

Just don't break his limbs tho :)

Answer 9

yes u should the is a difference in spanking and beating ur children as long as u know the differnce then ur fine. trust me u spank his butt next time he will not do it.

Answer 10

What kind of kid do you want?

Disrespectful know it all brat- Dont spank then.

Otherwise, lovingly give him correction. If that doesnt work then give him a few swats. He'll learn and fast.