Why does my 2 yr. old son bang his head on the wall and/or the floor when he doesn't get his own way?

Question

He's only recently starting doing this and its a little unnerving to see your child purpously smack their head on the floor. I'm afraid he's going to hurt himself and if I have to take him to the doctor, will they accuse me of hurting him? This day and age, you can't take your child to the doctor for any type of injury with out being made to feel like you've done something horribly wrong to your child. I don't want him to hurt himself. Is this a normal toddler temper tantrum phase?

Answer 1

2 year olds have ADULT sized emotions in TINY bodies. They also have very little control over their emotions and very little tolerance for frustration. When your child melt's down, he's NOT being "bad," he's reached the end of his rope.

It might help to empathize w/ your child. Say in a respectful voice, "You seem angry!" As the child thrashes around or hurts himself, you can add "You are very, very angry!" If you know why the child is angry, you can express that too. Toddlers and small children often cannot put their emotions into words. WE must help them w/ that.

You can also offer your child an alternative when he is angry. You can tell him punch a pillow, stomp like an elephant (one of my child's favorites), roar like a lion, or draw angry pictures (see the book How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen So Your Kids Will Talk for great info on responding to children's emotions).

Remember that EVERY emotion your child feels is legitmate and valid, whether you agree w/ it or not or whether you feel it's a big deal or not. Empathizing w/o feeding into the tantrum is really preferable to simply ignoring. It's okay to "disconnect" from the situation so that your blood pressure doesn't go through the roof as long as your child knows you are available to him when he needs you.

Another good book is called Raising Your Spirited Child. It's superb for any parent to read, but especially if you have a child that's just "more" than other kids. If your kid is like this, you know what I mean.

Also see AskDrSears.com, Mothering.com, or Kellymom.com

Answer 2

It's scary, but it also common for kids to do this sort of thing. My daughter used to do it to (I have no idea where she got it from either) and I would "ignore" her when she through a tantrum. But... what I would is watch her to make sure that she didn't hurt herself and if she was on a hard surface (ie: the kitchen floor) I would move her to the front room where there was carpet so it was a little bit softer. Then I would let her work it out on her own and when she was through, I would go to her and comfort her once she calmed down.

Kids are just little people who have moods too and have to just go through the process of learning how to express themselves.

In my case, she stopped after a while when figured out that she wasn't going to get "her way" by acting like that. It is totally normal, but your reaction is too because it is scary for a parent to witness that.

Hopefully what I said helps...

Answer 3

It's normal for a toddler to do things like that when they are angry. Some children pull their hair out, some children scream at the top of their lungs... they just don't know how to control what they are feeling and let you know that they are feeling stressed out.

It's hard to talk to a toddler having a tantrum but you should try to stop him from doing that and tell him to use his words. Ask him why he is mad, or what is making him upset... and maybe you can help him fix it.

He's just trying to tell you that he's frustrated but he doesn't know how so he's hitting his head on the floor because he's upset.

Good luck, I hope that helps a little! I'm not really sure what else to do except to try to get him to talk to you about it. If you can understand why he is upset and help him, maybe next time he'll try to talk to you first, instead of hitting his head on the floor.

Answer 4

Oh I see you have met the temper tantrum! LOL!! Welcome to real parenting. :) I promise you he is not going to injure himself. When he has a fit, let him have it, let him bang his head and kick his feet and scream his little heart out, and while he is doing that get down beside him stroke his hair and face and tell him it's ok calm down let him know though that he needs to stop throwing a fit so you can help him. This behavior stems from the 2 year olds lack of communication .. It will pass. Never give in during a tempur tantrum, wait for him to calm down and completely stop the fit before you deal with his problem.

Some people call them the terrible twos, I call them the terrific twos, sure the fits are a pia!!! But it is a wonderful time of learning and growing .. for both of you!!

Edited to add NEVER IGNORE A FIT! 2 year olds are making the fit for a reason, a need is not being met, he is trying to communicate something to you and CANT!!

Answer 5

One of my 2 1/2 year old twins tried this tantrum style with me for a little while. He would get told no and then throw himself on the floor or hit himself in the head. Well one day he went to through himself on the floor and hit the wall reallllyyy hard. He had a really bad bruise on his head and never has tried it again. When he did it in the beginning i simply ignored it. I was so worried he was really going to hurt himself too, but once he did get hurt, he didnt do it again. Over reacting to him throwing a fit might make him see hes getting attention and make him want to throw these fits more. I don't know what makes a kid want to hurt themselves, but once they really get "hurt" or at least for my son, he did not do it again. Good luck to ya!

Answer 6

Our kids tried this and it got worse when we reacted to it.
We found that as long as there is no bruising, they stop when the temper tantrum does not provide the expected results.

If you are especially worried or the child _has_ some problem, i.e., autism (not saying that he does, just an example), see a doc first before ignoring him. Other than some medical prob, just ignore him and he will stop when he sees it doesn't get him his own way.

BTW, do not buy into the ADD hype, that is nonsense. Drugs are not the answer to discipline problems.

Answer 7

I agree with the other respondents. Do not acknowledge his tantrum. Walk away and go about your business, but check on him periodically. He will probably get louder when he is being ignored, but he will eventually calm down. When he calms down on his own, give him a hug and explain why told him no. You can also call you child's pediatrician for ideas. My son hits his head against the back of his time-out chair. Hit sounds worse than it really is. Tantruming is a way to learn to cope with disappointment. If you respond frantically to his tantrums, he will use them in public and that is really tricky to deal with.

Answer 8

I have a 2 and a half year old......so i'm right there with u on behavior issues hehe. Kids bang their heads and throw fits for attention.....good or bad attention is still attention....what u need to do is completely ignore it and walk away and go do something and act like it doesn't bother u one bit .....even tho it's killin u inside to see ur son bangin his head. Number one: He will realize that "hey banging my head kinda hurts" and will eventually stop. Number two: he'll realize that "hey this is not getting me my attention i want" so maybe i'll stop and plus it kinda hurts lol. when my daughter throws herself on the floor i just walk over her and go finish laundry or dishes......and i don't say a word to her.....she actually has stopped that habit awhile ago....and my technique has worked......she knows that there's different ways to get mommy's attention and we have a more positive household because of it. I hope my one little technique is a good idea for u....i know it's hard....but eventually it will stop once u get the message across that "hey it's not bothering me if u throw a fit" Good luck to u =)

Answer 9

My now 5 yr. old did the same thing too when she was 2-3. It was her way of acting out. If she didn't' get her way, she would hit her head on the nearest thing. One day it was the handle on the kitchen cupboard. She seemed to stop doing it after that incident. Luckily, no damage. It was her way of throwing a fit, instead of throwing toys, or yelling etc... They do grow out of it, but makes you wonder. Your right, too you are afraid to tell anyone for fear that someone is lurking around to report you when you are innocent. Best, just to ignore the head hitting(just make sure they are safe) and eventually it will stop.

Answer 10

he knows that it gets your attention, and that is what he wants. It elicits a reaction from you. And of course it would, that is normal. Both of my sons did this at his age, when I got to the younger son, I knew better how to stop it. When he would do this, I would not react (or over-react) to the action. I would calmly tell him that if he wanted something, then he would need to calm down and ask me in a nice tone of voice. Remember speak to him the way you want him to speak to you. Your reaction to him, dictates his reaction to you. You are teaching him how to react and act in situations, use this as a learning lesson for him. Just remember to be calm when dealing with this, and he will learn to be the same. But understand that his behavior may get worse before it gets better....he will resist change and will try to escalate his behavior until he realizes that your reaction will not change. Good Luck