Should I invite people I don't want to my wedding to please my mom?

Question

My mom has 7 brothers and sisters, and all but 2 of them live out of town. Those that are in town are not the best people to have at family gatherings. They can be rude and have alcohol problems, plus family problems, and they only ever contact my mom when they need money. Two of them did not attend their own mother's funeral, nor my mom's wedding.
However, my mom is jealous that I am closer to my dad's family, and is making me invite all of her family so it will be "even", and says that they probably won't come. I know that there is a chance they might, and if so, I really don't want them there. My parents are buying all the food so they say it's not my decision on who is invited since I'm not paying for them to be there.
Is is fair for me to take the chance to have people I do not want at my wedding when they have not taken the chance to be involved in our lives? Is it ok to tell my mom fine, invite them, but if they come I will not be very social with them?

Answer 1

You're in a sticky spot with your family... it's sort of true that you've given up some control over your wedding due to having parents help pay for it. But it is NOT true that you have to maintain a "balance" in the invitations, or invite someone you feel will ruin your wedding. Your mom is pressuring you with guilt. Try talking to her about how she's using your wedding invitation list to take out some of her jealousy issues, and that might help.

Many people with problematic relatives invite them only to the wedding, and not the reception afterward, as the reception is where things tend to get out of hand. This may or may not work for you, but it's an idea. In the end, you may have to bite the bullet and invite people that you don't want to see -- but as the bride, you can always claim that you need to talk to the DJ or the caterer or the limo driver or the photographer, sorry, thanks for coming! And walk away.

Answer 2

You are in a difficult situation because your parents are paying for the reception. I think you are going to have to take the chance, but speak with your Mother calmly and tell her your fears of how they are loud, they drink and you are afraid that they will ruin your wedding. If she still invites them, just don't be that social and hope for the best outcome. You know, you are worried, but they may not even come to the wedding. I guess your mother the right to invite them unfortunately. I wish you have a very nice wedding with no problems.

Answer 3

This is your wedding, not your mother's. Regardless of who's paying for what, it's your decision on who you want to share your wedding day with. If you don't want these people there because they won't make you happy, then don't invite them. You're supposed to be happy at your wedding. I don't agree with what your mom is saying to you, and I feel it's putting undue pressure on you at a time when there's already enough pressure. Paying for the food doesn't give her the right to tell you who can come, possibly the right on how many can attend depending on finances, but not who. I hope that helped a little.

Answer 4

No you don't have to invite people you don't want. It's your wedding do as you wish.

Since they are going to pull the "we are paying you will do as we say" card, you may want to reconsider them paying for anything. That is a power play to see if they have any control over you anymore. You are your own woman, this is your wedding. If you don't want someone there, don't invite them. If they pull their funds to your wedding, well then you really know what kind of people your parents really are. Helping pay for a wedding is a GIFT, and gifts are NOT conditional.

Answer 5

i would remind your mum that it is your wedding, and if you don't want them there then that is that. if she is going to be B*tchy about the fact that she is paying for the food, then say thanks but no thanks. if she is only using that fact to get her own way then tell her no, pay that little bit more, have someone else do the catering to ensure your piece of mind. it is your wedding so have only those you want to share your day with. i have similar problems with my family, so i have decided not to invite any of them. i haven't seen or spoken to most of them in almost 4 years so why invite them to my wedding. now i am having 15 people at most at my ceremony and my wedding breakfast and i am using the money i have saved by not inviting 'everyone' about £1500, to have an extended honeymoon around Europe, much more fun than a drunk uncle or a snobby aunt spoiling my day, don't you think...

Answer 6

I was/am in your shoes. My fiance's parents want to invite a bunch of people I do not want there, as I have no idea who they are and my fiance vaguely recalls his parents mentioning them once or twice....

Here's the thing. They are paying, you have to appease them. And it will only make YOU look bad if you are "not very social with them." I told my mother I was going to go up to the people I don't know and say stuff like, "Hi, my name's X, what's yours?" and, "Oh, nice to meet you. I'm the bride; and you are?" She (correctly, unfortunately for me) told me that if I were to do that, I would look like the idiot, not them. If you are rude in any way, it makes you look ungrateful.

The way I figure it is this: our parents are paying for our wedding. We are more than lucky that we can get this (though I'd be happy eloping). Although it is "the bride's day" it's really our parents showing off for family and friends. And that's okay with me. Just make your shower be only the people want. That day is totally about you, after all.

Answer 7

Your mom is right, actually.

Yes, this is your wedding. But they are paying, so they can invite these people if they want. Also, it is extremely rude to invite some siblings but not the others.

But no, you don't have to be social with them. Of course, you should greet all of your guests in either the receiving line or by visiting all of the tables (ideally, you'll do both). But other than that, you don't have to visit with them.

Answer 8

it is your decision on who to invite. even though your parents are paying for the wedding, they should understand that you want a smooth and stress free day. you shouldnt have to be worring about some alcoholic at your wedding and worring they will make a scene. its your day and you should be able to celebrate with who you want. explain this to your parents and hopefully they will understand. if they do show up i wouldnt ignore them. that will start a whole different problem. now you dont have to hang out with them the whole time, but just a simple thank you for comming would work. if problems start, then have someone ask them to leave. call the cops if you need to. i know no one wants the cops called on their wedding day, but if something gets out of hand, then that may be needed. good luck and congrats.

Answer 9

I feel for you ! I went through the same thing when I got married !
Look at it on the bright side, this will be the last time they can tell
you what to do ! Let her invite them "since of course she is paying for the food", BUT, you tell her that she better keep an eye on them, because if they start getting obnoxious, they will be escorted out !
And no, you don't have to be social to them.
Good Luck !

Answer 10

Invite them but warn your mom that you will not have the time to entretain them because you have other guests to tend too as well.

Also, tell your mom that you don't want any confrontation or family discussions at your wedding,as it's not the place or the moment to have a family feud explode. Tell her that you will be too busy getting married and you don't want any distractions and family confriontations. Tell her that she should tell her relatives to behave appropiately and not to start any scenes.

Good luck