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he was to be in for 2-5 weeks and i just got a call that a family meeting is requested and then he will be released the next day. I'm beside myself. He's a drunk and a drug addict. He's also bi-polar. At this point it's the end of the line, Is there any other help out there, do people really want help or is it just a lost cause? This is not a boohoo whoo is me thing, this is a plea to save a life.

2007-03-01 03:19:04 · 11 answers · asked by mscarlybobarlysmom 3 in Health Mental Health

11 answers

Honey, I'm sorry to tell you that it's just a circus and they don't really give a damn. My oldest daughter (17) has been in three different drug treatment centers in three years (fairly long programs - court ordered) and as soon as the insurance payments quit, so does treatment. They also teach the addicts that if they can't be cured to at least "pretend" to be better to get released "Fake it until you feel it".

The only way that you might get good treatment is if you can get him into a private treatment center and then be able to pay after the insurance runs out. He also has to want to get better, which until he hits some sort of bottom, he is unlikely to do.

That's what I'm waiting for. I have screamed and yelled and cried to authorities, doctors, judges, lawyers and counselors for three years to no avail. They all think they know what's best, but they keep on with the lousy short-term programs with a ton of "medications" to help my drug addict get better. It's insane and very depressing. I can't tell you how many family meetings I've been to the morning of release, only to have her relapse the same day or the next.

Hang in there. I know that you're doing all you can, but it's up to him. Refuse to be co-dependent and let him fall to the bottom. That may be the only way he will seek and maintain sobriety.

You will have to use tough love here and refuse to allow him back into your life or home. It sounds harsh, but it's truly the only way. You have to go on and protect yourself fromt he emotional abuse that occurs with drug addicts. Protect your children from seeing and experiencing this mess as much as you can.

Lastly, seek therapy for yourself and your children. It will help ease the pain of letting go a little and help you move on.

Good luck and God bless you!

2007-03-01 03:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2 0

But if he doesn't want help, there is nothing you can do. You tell him to stay in and he he won't he cannot come back to live there. I am dead serious. He cannot. Get a restraining order, but do not let him come home. I have seen this SO many times. You have to protect yourself. At this point, if he won't get help, you HAVE to end this relationship. I know, I hear what you're thinking from there. You would only be enabling him to continue doing this over and over again. At this point you have to say DONE. And you have to mean it.

So go to this "family meeting." Make it clear to him and the counselor that if he leaves, he CANNOT come home. Tell him what will happen. Change the locks, restraining order, etc. then he knows before he leaves there what will happen. And please take some people with you that support this decision.

2007-03-01 03:32:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

there are stages of an addicts career starting with using to black outs to death. Sometimes they get to the bottom and seek treatment. the #1 reason that addicts dont "get the cure" is they have someone in their life that wont let them hit "bottom" called Co-dependants. These kind hearted people think that if they love hard enuf, they can protect or save thier addict-- which is pretty arogant thinking when you think about it. when the drunk is passed out on the floor, they carry them to bed, put on their PJs and tuck them in bed, they clean up the mess and the next day, pretend that nothing happened. the drunk goes to work or church and has no idea that he just destroyed his family. Allow the addict to lie whereever he lands and cover him with a blanket. leave the mess and dont be there when he wakes up. separate your money and provide a safe environment for you and your children. IN OTHER WORDS... quit helping him be drunk. allow the consequences to hit him head on. That really is the most loving thing you can do for him AND FOR YOU.

2007-03-01 03:42:37 · answer #3 · answered by RUBY 4 · 1 0

I feel your pain. My exe has never sought treatment and I'm always living my life on the edge because I KNOW he'll crack one day and we depend on his support. Is it a lost cause? No. Will it be an uphill battle to get him to stop self-medicating? Yes. Will it work? Maybe. You need to do what you need to do to separate yourself from this. The key word there is separate yourself. You may try al-anon before you actually quit the marriage. I'm so sorry. I am all too aware of how awful your life is.

2007-03-01 03:31:42 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa A 4 · 1 0

honestly, no one can be helped unless they want it. does he truly want to change or is he just telling himself that because he has to? because hes being forced to? if he's bringing you down, is he right to stay with? how much more can you take? maybe its something he cant control. drugs are impossible, ive known people who tried quitting for years and were clean and suddenly relapsed. talking to him wont help, but isolating him for a time longer then 2-5 weeks will help him realize what he has to be thankful for in life, so find a program that helps people with drugs that is around 12 months, so he REALLY knows. because other then that it trueley is a lost cause.

2007-03-01 03:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by revolution of the mind 1 · 1 0

Hi.
I'm sorry to hear about your plight.
Alcohol addiction is a sad thing. Remember the 3 C's. you

didn't CAUSE it,
you can't CURE IT
and you can't CHANGE it.

It has to be up to the alcoholic to WANT to change. Alcohol and drug addiction are LIFELONG battles. Even if they do kick it relapse prevention is critical.

I would take care of yourself right now and do as much research as you can on alcoholism and empower yourself.

2007-03-01 03:29:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

Someone can't get help till he wants it. So many people at Al-Anon (for support of people with family members who are alcoholic or on drugs) talk about how they wish their loved one would accept help, but won't. You can't change your husband, so take care of yourself. Decide what is right for your future given that your husband is unlikely to change.

2007-03-01 03:27:41 · answer #7 · answered by Larry 6 · 1 0

It is possible to have him admitted to a mental health facility and the only way he would get out is the judge lets him out. Since he is bipolar and I'm sure he has behaviors he is a prime canidate. Talk with mental health STATE worker in your area and see what you can do.

2007-03-01 03:25:01 · answer #8 · answered by be happier own a pitbull 6 · 1 0

There's no explaining the myriad of causes for prolonging rehab.
It's painful to know there's no medicine labeled 'Motivation'.

2007-03-01 03:22:56 · answer #9 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1 0

leave him,..you deserve way better,..sounds like you are a good woman trapped by an ungrateful, ungodly, disrespectful and degenerate man.

2007-03-01 03:24:38 · answer #10 · answered by iroc 7 · 1 0

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