How do you decide whether its best for you to adopt your grandchildren?

Question

I have been raising my 2 grandchilren for the last 7 months. The CPS put them in placement in my home until parents finished what they needed to- drug court ect...Their time is getting close and they are far from where they need to be. I know they love the children. Does anyone know what I would have to do to adopt them and then what happens to the parents? Do I lose my son out of it? If someone else adopts them do I lose my grandchildren?Being single and 49 count against me? what are the circumstances that I wouldn't be able to adopt them? What are the steps involved? I love them and really thought parents would straighten up, I thought a few months now I am looking at years of being mom again, kinda scares me, feel cheated out of being grandma. i don't want to lose g kids. 19 mo and 7 mo olds had them since birth. Can anyone relate to my problem.? Went out of town for the day and got home both parents in jail for min. of 7 days on contempt court. I don't know of why right now?

Answer 1

I don't think you would be able to adopt them until parental rights were terminated by the court, unless your son and the mother voluntarily give up their parental rights in a private adoption to you. The kids' parents may yet straighten out and get their lives together, so all of them are very lucky that you are willing and able to step in and take over. My husband's aunt adopted her grandson in her mid to late 40's after the court terminated the parental rights of her daughter and son in law. The "boy" in question was raised from birth by his grandmother and is a teenager now. He knows that his mom is actually his grandmother and that his parents were not able to take care of him because of their problems. They maintain contact with his biological parents but he wants to live with his grandmother.
Wait and see what happens. I'm sure your son loves his kids and is doing his best, but drug addictions are hard to beat. Have you suggested that your son and the kids' mother move out of town? That may help break the cycle of addiction by moving out of the influence of "friends" who encourage and support the addiction. They need the support of groups like AA, NA, etc to help them remain clean when temptation rears its ugly head.
In the case of the court terminating parental rights, you, as their next closest relative and physical guardian would be asked about your willingness to adopt the children. Hiring a lawyer now and challenging your son over the children would be a mess, do it only if absolutely necessary. Next time you talk to the children's social worker, ask these same questions. I'm sure they know the law about child protection and custody more than I do. Good luck!!!

Answer 2

Wow!!! I can totaly relate. I am married, and 49 raising my friends grandkids for 2 years now due to similar situation. We are adopting. They are now almost 3 and 8. You must be in contact with caseworker. They can guide you on this. Ours was a great help. But every state has different rules. Wisconsin says the kids must be away from parents for 15 months before the state will consider starting adoption. If nothing else, express your interest in adoption. And as the other person said, there is always guardianship. If you adopt the parents have no legal rights to the children.

Answer 3

I certainly can relate!! Talk with them about this problem and see if the parents will willingly give you guardianship over the children. CPS can help you with any papers and such you need. Since CPS placed them there should be no problem from them.If the parents do not want to do this go to CPS and talk to them about your fears for the children and see if you can get permanent placement.

You know you cant let those kids go to foster care. You just want us to say its ok. Look you dont miss being that grandma you just get lots of time with them and yeah its hard but it will keep you young. There are lots of organizations out there for grandparents raising grandchildren. Try to find one in your area -they are a great source for many supporting areas. They usually have inexpensive outings and things like clothing exchanges and also sometimes some other help with more serious issues like shut off notices, or rent evictions etc.

As for the childrens parents they can see the kids at your house when you decide they can or when CPS thinks its best.. You dont have to lose your son over this. Tell him that if you didnt care about him then the kids wouldnt matter to you and the fact that you take them and raise them means you love him but he cant do the raising of the children now so he has to let you do it without resentment.

Answer 4

Truthfully it is up to the Court to see if it wants a permanency of these children through adoption. The parents rights would have to be terminated. If they aren't following through and it looks like they aren't the court will terminate rights.

Of course you could ask to adopt them - and kinship placements should have preference- You could also ask the court to find an OPEN Adoption- where you could still have contact and might even, with new parents consent, have a normal grandparent relationship.

At this point I would tend to think what would be best for these CHILDREN and not whats' best for me. Not to pressure you- I know you love them- I certainly think they would be better off in a two parent home. With two younger parents who would adore them and place them first - as their natural parents have not.

Answer 5

If you feel the parents will eventually finish what they need to and be clean...is it possible for you to apply to be the foster parent full time rather than being the adoptive parent. Have you looked into that? I believe foster parents get governmental help for the cost of some of the things needed for children.

I have a couple of friends that did the foster parent thing for the girls neices and nephews and I believe they just did the legal foster parent thing. That gave the sister the opportunity to finish getting clean and gave the kids family to stay with.

Answer 6

You definitely should talk to a lawyer. Why are you worrying about losing your son? He is a grown man who is obviously making bad decisions. You have raised him. Your grandkids should be the most important. They still have their whole lives ahead of them. I would hate for their parents to get them back and continue with drugs and next time, you might not get the chance to be with them. Give these kids a better life because their parents are not ready to act like adults and if you know they are far from changing, they do not need to be in the care of their children.

Answer 7

i guess when the time comes and the parents have not completed what they needed to, ask CPS how you would go about adopting them. you will probably have to gt the parents permission, but i'm not sure. if you adopt them, they are your children now and the parents will have no rights to them. i know a woman who is raising her 5 and sometimes 6 grandchildren because all the parents are in prison. you are a very good person for wanting to keep your family together.

Answer 8

i might say why not. however lots will rely here on your considerable different's mom, if she's as much as having 2 canine interior the abode at situations, and you do not say if she seems after the toddlers lots. in case you crate practice the canine, that's stored out of how whilst mandatory, and it fairly is surely sensible to accomplish that whilst the toddlers are around except an grownup may well be good there gazing all human beings consistently. babies may well be hard on a canine. in case you will get one it fairly is youthful so it could advance up familiar with toddlers, or actually conventional to be tender with little ones, of an easygoing breed, that could simplify issues. it would additionally be superb if all 3 of you compromise on a thank you to handle and practice the canine, and in case you will get one once you and/or your husband may well be around interior the daylight hours for a whilst, like on your trip journeys.

Answer 9

I would talk with a lawyer... AS the parents would need to relinquish their parental rights to teh children..
Its hard raising g'kids...my great aunt is raising 2 of theirs...and I cannot imagine what would have happened if she hadn't....(there mom chose a man over her kids and now they are divorced)

Answer 10

The parents of the kids would have to sign away their rights in order for you to adopt. They also might be able to hand over custody to you. You really need to talk to a lawyer.