my dad has always been a bas***d i was beaten by him alot growing up he has a terminal illness and this has always been his excuse last year he said he was depressed and started taken heroin he got clean and i for gave for the sake of my mum this was befor xmas 2005 he the done it agian a few weeks after my wedding in april he stole the money that was ment to be for a presant for me and spent it on heroin i never forgave him and havent spoke to him since i have my own family to think about including my 2 sons but my mum is giving me hassle about forgiving him what do you think??
2007-03-01 01:25:32 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he has been in and out of hospitail for so called help but he never sticks to it my mum is completley brain washed by him she truley belives that he has done nothing wrong just because he is depressed my whole family has basicaly turned there back on me saying its all my fault there is bad blood in the air the truth is iam the only one with the balls to stand up to him
2007-03-01 01:35:04 · update #1
the truth is and i have heard from people its noy really me he wants to see its my kids
2007-03-01 01:37:01 · update #2
i speak to my mum once a week on the fone she visits a cpl time a year
2007-03-01 01:38:07 · update #3
No one can tell you to forgive someone and BAM your able to forgive. Forgiving MUST come from the heart or its not real. Do not forgive him if you can't or if its not what you really want to do.
2007-03-01 01:28:38 · answer #1 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your Dad is a very sick man. Whether he is a drug addict or not, he is still a human being, and your father. Forgiving him will not only open the door for peace with your him, your mom, and your family, but it will benefit you. Harboring such ill feelings and bitterness, will eat you up little by little. It will always be in the back of your mind....because it is unsettled. You have a right to be hurt and angry, but don't let this stop you from learning from it, and carrying on. If you can sincerely forgive him, you will be the better person for it. Maybe, when the air is cleared you can express your hurt with him without using anger, and you both can talk about everything.
2007-03-01 03:07:26 · answer #2 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must distance yourself from your Dad for the safety of your family.
Your Mom has allowed him to abuse all who come into contact with him for all these years.
She is just as "guilty" as him to allow this to happen!
She is again asking you to trust a lier, drug abuser & domestic violent man.
Love has a different meaning than what she realizes.
She also needs help.
You protect what is dear to you and don't make the same mistake as you Mom is doing. Realize what true love means. Practice true love on your family and remember that if your Mum & Dad want to change thier lives they must do it themselves.
All meaningfull change comes from within.
You do not own the problems of your parents.
You take the experiences you lived through. You know that they were unpleasant and so you "avoid" these practices in your own home and you are not affraid to let it be known that you will not tolerate it any more!!!! You teach others about Domestic Violence and Drug Abuse.
You become a better person and God likes that :)
Good Luck and God Bless
2007-03-01 01:40:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a grown adult and can make your own decisions. When you are young you have no choice but to live with and accept the parents you are given. NOW, as an adult, you have the choice and the right to lead a happy life(we only get one chance). He will never change, and now you will be exposing yourself and your children to this crap.|(why would you want to do that to them) Go on with your life, when and if ever, he changes, then you can see if you forgive him. Until then, live your life, be happy and dont look back. Its only a matter of time before he starts abusing in some way your kids........ if you let him do this then, SHAME ON YOU. Good Luck.
2007-03-01 01:35:58 · answer #4 · answered by 3boys 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive, but don't forget. Being sorry doesn't mean that things didn't happen, and using wahtever "sadness" or problem as a crutch for bad behavior is sometimes justified, but mostly disingenuous. You have to forgive because carrying it around can only dibilitate you, thus making you a two time victim. The world is filled with many bad people. We have a hard time knowing that some of them are intimately involved in our lives.
2007-03-01 04:09:37 · answer #5 · answered by genenj1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question to answer. Do you still see your mum?
Your dad needs help and has obivisouly never got to grips with his illness or excepting that it will eventually kill him. This however is no excuse to take it out on you.
I would speak to your GP about his condition and see if they can shed some light as to his symptons and if the way that he is acting has anything to do with it. They might say that the illness can cause this but on the other hand they might say that it has nothing to do with it and then you can say to him that yes it is not nice that he has this illness and it will kill him but he needs to be maiking the most of now and his grandchildren etc and not alienating himself from everyone.
I dont blame you for not wanting to talk to him as you need to protect your family as long as your mother still sees you and the children.
Good luck with whatever ou decide to do and all the best.
2007-03-01 01:33:07 · answer #6 · answered by entertainer 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I forgave my parents for what they did to me but you never forget personally i have nothing to do with them cause i would never trust them with my daughters,if you know what you are doing is right in your heart then you carry on the way you are. It is up to no-one else but you love and i think your mum and the rest of the family should respect you for that good luck in your future and don't let them pressure you into making a decision you don't want to make. Personally your dad ought to be on his knees and begging for forgiveness and if he wants to right his wrongs that much he ought to get off the drugs first all the best to you love :)
2007-03-01 03:33:51 · answer #7 · answered by clare w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...you have to look at it from a different perspective...heroine is extremely addictive, and when somebody really wants more heroine they would practically do anything to get it...even steal money that was meant for a present...of course being on drugs is not really a good excuse for stealing money and beating up somebody
but they are driven by some power that they can't control...he might not want heroine...but his body is urging him to get some...or else he'll be like in extreme pain and so on
i think it's best to forgive him, help him become clean again and then hopefully live a happy life and show your children that their grandfather can be a good person
2007-03-01 01:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by zorro 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Forgive, yes, but you don't have to forget. Don't harbor ill feelings, it's not healthy for you or your family. Just because you forgive him doesn't mean you have to give him the father of the year award. If your family has bad feelings toward you, or tell you it's your fault, bull! They just want someone to blame instead of seeing your father for the man he is, as you have obviously already done. As for him wanting to see your kids, do you want to subject them to even a little of what you've had to deal with? I've got a father who has chosen to be the kind of man your Dad has. Selfish, only looking out for number one.Being a part of someones life is earned through mutual respect, and it's not an automatic just because your related. Story made short, my brothers think I'm harsh, but as a responsible mother to my boys, I choose for them not to have to endure an ugly side of life that I had to. Go see your dad or even call, tell him you forgive him, but don't subject yourself to his ways any longer, it's not required. It's kinda funny how when someone is dying they're suddenly sorry for all they've done. Be the bigger, stronger person, forgive and remember you don't have to be best friends, but you do need peace with it. Good luck to you.
2007-03-01 02:29:58 · answer #9 · answered by Green eyed girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between forgiving someone and allowing them to ruin your life. My biological father was an *hole too. He was abusive to my mother and an alcoholic. In my heart, and because of my Christian beliefs, I do not feel it is worth hating him forever. However, I choose not be a part of his life and do not allow him to be a part of mine. Just because you have forgiven someone for the hurt they caused, does not mean you have to like them. I've found life to be easier when you don't hold grudges, but definitely seek help if you need someone to help you through this. Good luck.
Oh yeah, and now that you are a parent, it is your responsibilty to do what is best for your children. If you feel that they should not see your father, by all means, don't do allow it.
2007-03-01 02:16:36 · answer #10 · answered by ldlivengood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can forgive him for your own peace of mind, but that doesn't mean you have to let him back into your life. Forgiving abusive behavior doesn't equate to allowing it. We have the right to protect ourselves from abusive people, no matter who they are. I grew up with abusive parents, so I do understand. Have you ever asked yourself why your mother sticks up for a man who abused you? She should be sticking up for you. You might want to ask her why, if you feel safe in doing so. As far as your mother hassling you, you can tell her that you are an adult, and whatever decisions you make are your business. She won't like it, but you'll feel better about yourself for sticking up for yourself. I hope you find happiness in your life, and take care of yourself and those kids!
2007-03-01 01:46:28 · answer #11 · answered by Jeff W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋