Would you let your 12 year old have a boyfriend?

Question

My daughter is a very good student. She is one of the popular ones and she has a boyfriend and so does her other friends. Ive been to a b-ball game and watched them from across and she sits with her friends and he sits with his friends. Im sure its jsut the point in saying they have a boyfriend but is it.

Answer 1

Working with kids all my life and even PTA president at my kids school, I understand that you are saying. Kids would say that they were "going out" with each other, yet they never hung out on the play ground, never talked on the phone after school, never went to the movies or anything - but hey they were going out! I just talked to my daughter, kept track of what she was doing all the time, so when she was in 6th grade and going out with a boy, I knew that they were not doing anything, no kissing or holding hands - so I just let them "go out" she never really dated until she was 16. Hope that helps

Answer 2

I think everyone who told you NO is overreacting or reading more into this than they should. Especially the ones who say their daughters can't have boyfriends until they are 16. Who are the trying to fool. They will have their little boyfriends at school no matter what mom says. I had a "boyfriend" when I was 12 and it was exactly what you said, just having one for the sake of saying I have one. You sound very smart and like a very good parent. If you are always with your daughter and supervise any time they are together, there is absolutely no harm in that. It is not like they are going out on "dates" or spending unsupervised time together. Good Luck

Answer 3

I think it is healthy to have a boyfriend at that age.. but make sure she understands all the facts. That sex is out of the question and if she should ever feel pressured into something by a boy.. to tell him no and talk to an adult right away. I had boyfriends in junior high and knew my boundaries and made them clear to the boys I was dating and if he did not like it.. then he could move on. So I see nothing wrong with innocent dating. It should be something to worry about if she wants to spend time with them alot. Otherwise let her enjoy life. You are a good parent.. you are watching out for her.

Answer 4

Sure, why not? I'd make sure things they do together are supervised, however. Like you said, a ball game, an arcade, etc. I would be careful about letting her go to a party or movie with out an adult there. That is when kids get into trouble. I lost my virginity at 12 because my mom was a single parent and I went over to my "boyfriend's" house while she was at work and there were no parents there. But as long as they are supervised, it would probably be good for her. It helps her build relationship skills. Make sure you talk to her openly and honestly about any questions she has - no matter HOW difficult they are for you. =)

Answer 5

Most people are not going to like my answer.

She is 12. Not only is she ready to date but she is ready to have sex and get married. What do you think a batmitzvah is all about? I'm not jewish by any means but I have friends that are. But thats irrelevant.

I'm sure this is quite the shocker to most people that never ever want to hear that. But it is true. The only reason why we feel its wrong for girls to have sex and get married at 12 is because some guy told a group it would be better for the children, the group agreed, it became public opinion, and continued to spread from there, then parents teaching their children, and children become adults, then parents. It was not always like this. And in some countries, and I don't mean war torn 3rd world counties, it may still exist.

The fact that your daugher is a good student and to your knowledge is not interested in sex, you should give yourself kudos for being a good parent. But make no mistake about it. She will eventually. Could be next week, next year, or a few years from now. But when the thought crosses her mind, are you going to be the parent yelling and restricting, making her rebel more or are you going to be the parent that listens and supports and educates on consequences? As long as you educate on using protection and making sure he pulls out (NO MATTER WHAT) when she is not interested yet, then when she is interested, she will make the right choice.

Now regarding restrictions. I am all for restricting who she should go out with. Now when she is 13. If she is dating some guy who dresses like he's some rap artist and talks in ebonics ( no offense to the black community, I am talking about white people acting that way), doesn't want to work, and has no goals in life except being popular and trying to get your daughter into bed, and makes no effort to meet you and want to become a part of your family. Yea, I would help her say steer her clear from that. But if the guy is a senior in High School. Yes, I said senior. But he wants to go to a local community college, already has good grades, works and helps his family out, maybe involved in some volunteer thing like church or firefighting, treats your daughter with respect and love, and wants to come over all the time and spend time with you and her family, whats the problem with that?

Your daughter wants support for her good decisions and advice on her bad ones. So yes, its ok for her to have a boyfriend at age 12. Disregard public opinion, its over-rated. You will not be a bad parent for going against public opinion. Bad parents become bad for being uninformed, misinformed, and/or uninterested in what their daughter does. It seems like thats not you and you are a good parent. And for that, you get a round of applause. Thats my opinion.

"Here come the exciting E-Mails again......"

Answer 6

My daughters are also good students,popular and very sweet and they are not dating until they are 16-this is my rule and they will stand by it. No child at 12 should be having boyfriends, she is just a little girl!

Answer 7

Young women and men have "girlfriends/boyfriends" at ages even younger than this. It is just a title that they give when they like each other. Now dating at that age is a different story. My kids had boyfriends/girlfriends at that age....but were not allowed to date until they were 17. I think by discouraging it sets them up to start hiding things because they know that you will not approve. Talk open and honestly with your children and set the platform where they feel like they can do the same worked for me.

Answer 8

As long as they are not dating and going out, I see nothing wrong with her liking a boy. I am guessing you have had the talk with her? I would make sure she is not feeling bored and restless.
Make sure you are spending plenty of time with her. So that she feels open with you. Just incase something were to happen. If her boyfriend was pressuring her into doing anything she doesn't want to do. Or her friends etc.
Good luck,
Megan

Answer 9

yes you should let her have a boyfriend like with my daughter it makes her more happy than she has ever been and when she is having a problem she could have someone her own age to ask for help and so she will know that she will have someone to depend on her own age! you should let her and you should get to know her boyfriend a little bit more and if you don't think that hes good for her just let her know and then let her make the decision whether or not to break up with him and get to know someone else better!

Answer 10

I think it depends on your daughter. When I was 12 I asked my Mom if I could have a boyfriend because a boy I liked had asked me. She said ok she wanted to meet him and talk to his parents. My "relationship" lasted about 3 weeks once we shared a hug. I broke up with him because I thought he was to immature. I found it was a great lesson! If my mother had thought I was serious about boys and wanted to do other things she would have said no. But she raised me well and trusted me. She knew I barely knew what sex was and that I was secure.