we have been together 6 1/2 years and he was a virgin when we met he said he was curious as to what it would be like to have sex with someone else so he went to a brothel and did the deed when he came home we made love and he gave me a STI which 2 months later when he told me about what he had done was treated and cleared up can i ever trust him properly again or will it always be on my mind?
2007-03-01 00:57:47 · 37 answers · asked by RACHIE-D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he said he used a condom and it split
2007-03-01 01:08:50 · update #1
The question is not can you ever trust him again - it's do you want to ever trust him again?...Seems like you do.
Your boyfriend did what he did. Nothing about not wanting you or not trusting him or anything else you've thought about. Sometimes we get confused about sex. I have a boyfriend who I am committed to and one of the best things i ever came to terms with is that even though i'm with him i actually like having sex with other people. I used to find many ways to make myself feel bad for feeling like that but being able to admit that set me free and gave me strength and knowing that I feel like that doesn't mean i'm going to go and do it. I don't have sex with other people (anymore!) because i'm committed to having an extraordinary relationship filled with love, freedom and partnership with my boyfriend.
Have the courage to listen to your boyfriend and ask questions about how he feels about sex and ur relationship etc.
I also encourage you to distinguish what you guys are committed to having in your relationship (avoid negative comments like "well i don't want u to cheat on me" or "i want you to cook me dinner every week") something that inspires you BOTH.
Knowing what you guys are committed to having is far more powerful than having conversations about contraining yourself. The same actions will come from it but the context it lays in will shift keeping you both alive!
2007-03-01 03:13:45 · answer #1 · answered by xxmequik 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will always be on your mind. It's like if you were bitten by your own dog. Though you love your dog and you believe he will never bite you again. You will always be cautious and worried it may happen again. This is something that happens that has no real reason. So you can't really ever have a solution. Like when you get robbed. Even though the chances of it happening again are slim you never forget . Since you don't know why the robber chose you. You will always have that sense of insecurity. Even if your boyfriend told you it was because he wanted to know what it was like. You have no way of knowing if he'll have these feeling again. So you will always be on guard. I'm sorry but I find this to be true not only for this relationship but for any after this one. If you plan to stay with this guy. I suggest you start wearing condoms from now on. I know it seems stupid after all this time but. He gave you a STD. That means he was not only a cheater but a very stupid one. Having sex with a complete stranger unprotected is ridiculous. I find it hard to believe he did. Not only because it's extremely ignorant but, I don't think the woman would have agreed nonetheless. You need to protect yourself. You may want to do a bit of investigation as well. Make sure he really did go to a whorehouse and not some other girl. I think that sounds more logical. He may be having a relationship with some other girl or girls. So just protect yourself in every way you can.
2007-03-01 01:19:47 · answer #2 · answered by quel772o 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will ALWAYS be on you mind, believe me. No matter how much you believe you have forgiven him, if you are like a lot of women I know, the nasty will always linger longer than the good. I mean when you remember what he did, doesn't it make you fume and angry all over again?? He even went as far as going to a brothel and had sex with a woman he didn't know without protection? Do you honestly feel safe? Its bad for both your health and your heart. Hard as it is, I'd leave him if I were you and look for a guy who won't need to experiment elsewhere coz they have you to experiment with! He should be shot!
2007-03-01 01:13:58 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? A brothel? If you were not enough for him then, you won't ever be. He will always be curious about sleeping with someone else. It will ALWAYS be on your mind, especially since he gave you an STD. You need to:
#1 Learn to love yourself, because when you do, you won't allow yourself to be treated like that.
#2 Go to the doctor and make sure you are 100% OK.
#3 Drop that piece of crap.
There are too many good men out there that will be satisfied with one woman and won't feel like he is missing out on something because he knows he's found his everything in you.
2007-03-01 01:11:04 · answer #4 · answered by Golden 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I was with my children's father for 8 years. We had our problems but the ONE thing I NEVER thought he would do was cheat on me. I mean I totally trusted him on that. Low and behold when I was 9 months pregnant with our 4th. I found out he waas "talking" to this other girl. I got so upset and wanted it to stop before something else happen. He PROMISED me and cried and begged me. I gave him another shot only to be cheated on 5 months later with the same girl and let me tell you . you will never get over that. The one thing is that he went to a brother so that means it was pretty much just sex. Atl least there wasnt an emothional attachment. BUT it will always haunt you and make you wonder. your relationship will never be the same. He was a virgin so that gave u something special and he threw that away like it was nothing. Perhaps you should forgive him and give him another chance cuz maybe u will always wonder what if. BUt know that u are taking a chance. If he does it again then deep down u know that there is nothing else to do but find a guy who you can trust. good luck
2007-03-01 01:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok so going with a pro is not great, the worst of it is his not using a condom tho. This shows a total disregard for you health and well being. His curiosity gave you and infection that could have potentially been AIDS at the worst.
So why stay with someone if 1. they cheat on you and 2. they have so little regard for you that they dont protect you from it
He is not worth it hun. apart fromt he indignity of getting an sti from him yo wont recover from the emotional crap he has given you - I know you love him etc, but does he really love you if he treated you like this. He is a disgrace.
2007-03-01 01:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by The Real Mrs Incredible 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
At least he only treated on you physically, he had no mental connection with this "working" girl just a curiosity, now he has found out that sex without a mental connection is hollow and often leaves you feeling dirty afterwards.
I would imagine the guilt he has lived with and the realisation that the grass isn't always greener has left him thinking that you are even more special than he first realised.
But all said and done if you cannot bring yourself to trust him, then you might as well end it as all relationships are based on trust.
2007-03-01 01:06:02 · answer #7 · answered by wrongjon 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Normally I counsel forgiveness for cheaters but in this case I say get rid. Not because he cheated but that he did so in such a way as to risk your health - that's lack of care and respect and love.
I agree with others that I don't think he went to a brothel, generally sex workers insist on condoms, sorry.
2007-03-01 01:10:51 · answer #8 · answered by Leapling 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it is something you are not likely to forget in a hurry but at least he went to a brothel he didn't do the dirty with a mate of yours or someone else who will give you hassle.it really is up to you how you handle the situation you must decide if you love him enough to keep the relationship going, but do stop and think if you can live better with or without him and please remember the grass always looks greener on the other side.meaning what ever you decide give it a lot of thought before you act.,
2007-03-01 01:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by fushia 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Better a hooker than someone he was attracted to. I don't know, men, what will we ever do with them? I'm thinking he might be lying again, hookers use condoms, their livelihood depends on it, is he sure it wasn't with some random girl from the bar? That makes more sense to me. Anyway, breaking faith is hard to deal with. Either you forgive (I didn't say forget) and move on, giving him another opportunity, or you say forget it. It's been 6 1/2 years though and he hasn't asked you to marry him; it might be time for you to move. on.
2007-03-01 01:04:47 · answer #10 · answered by XOXOXOXO 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋