My bf got very drunk couple weeks ago and he pushed me out of the way and slipped n fell on to some rocks and have cut my back n brusied it ..he helped me up but then he got really bad pulling my hair he even threw his kehab at me lol i no stupid but it was hot it went everywhere and he pushed me on my hands n knee's made me clean it up...he has never done anything like this before he just switched then all of a sudden he starts crying beggin me to forgive him he knows i dont trust him at all now after it but my mum said if he had hit me then it's classed as abuse and she thinks it was just the drink he didnt realise he was hurting me......
2007-02-28 23:06:19 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've been with him 3 yrs ..he has never hit me before...i have never seen him get that aggressive...he knows he's done wrong too
2007-02-28 23:17:26 · update #1
well yes, it is classed as abuse. The question is: is this a drunken one-off, or is the start of a pattern of future abuse. You could try and excuse this because he was drunk but, realistically, if you were drunk would you for example hit your mum or throw a kebab at your gran? Of course you wouldn't even if you were drunk you know the boundaries and have too much respect for them. So have a think about this - being drunk broke down your bf's barriers of respect for YOU, so just how fragile are they?
I'd have serious think about this, at least cool it for a while and let your bf have a serious think about what he's done. Call it abuse, bad manners, whatever ... but it is unacceptable behaviour from anyone, regardless of whether they were drunk or not.
2007-02-28 23:11:32 · answer #1 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is abuse and the fact that you are even questioning his behaviour shows that you know that it is wrong too.
My advice is for you to stay well away from him, call the relationship off immediately and stay firm. By that i mean do not take him back no matter how much he cries, begs forgiveness and promises never to do it again. Unfortunately, most abusers cry and beg forgiveness and often buy their victim presents etc in order to attempt to make it up to them. However, they will eventually revert back to type and the cycle will begin again and the longer it goes on the more difficult it can often be for the victim to leave.
The drink cannot be blamed for turning him into an abuser and when he drinks again you will probably be very scared. You need to ask yourself if you want to spend your relationship and life walking on egg shells around this man, worrying that everytime he gets drunk he may lose control again. Is that really how you want to live and want your relationship to be?
You may love him and he may profess to loving you but love doesnt hurt.
Ultimately, it's up to you what to do. So do what you think is right and what will ultimately make you happy dont allow him to blackmail or deceive you into staying with him. If you want to leave him then do so and dont look back.
Dont be a victim and dont be a statistic. Many women stay with abusive partners because they are scared of being on their own. Dont fear being on your own and dont ever feel that you need a man to make you feel confident.
Good luck and God Bless.
2007-02-28 23:25:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just gonna have a count here.
1 - pushing you out the way - ok could be forgiven (at this point he wouldn't of realised he was hurting you)
(from this point on - he knows he's gone too far - drunk or not - people still know their limits on whats right and wrong)
2 - pulled your hair
3 - through hot food at you
4 - pushed you again to your hands and knees
5 - MADE you clean up the food
hun - thats 4 points in which you should of kicked him to the kerb. If he gets away with it once on a woman - whats to stop him doing it again.
Unless this is all some extremely kinky staged game then you need to walk away from him. If he's sorry he will spend every waking second trying to prove it to you - if he's not sorry then your best off out of it.
Dont stand for abuse like that. you deserve to be treated better. and you know it.
2007-03-01 00:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I tend to believe that drinking brings out a person's natural tendencies which they might hid while sober. If he's done something like this once while drunk, there is a good chance he'll do it again. Maybe not when he's sober, but he will probably do it again. I would recommend getting out now. But if you do decide to stay with him, tell him he needs to quit drinking and maybe even take some anger management classes.
It's easy to wind up "trapped" in an abusive relationship because you love the person and feel you can't leave them. But you have had your warning and now you need to think hard about how you're going to proceed.
2007-02-28 23:22:53 · answer #4 · answered by Justin H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear, yes it is abuse drunk or not. Wake up and smell the coffee, if hes done it once, how long will it be before he does it again, and if you forgive him it will continue. Do you want to spend the rest of your time together not trusting him or scared of sudden movements he may make. Get rid of him, you do not need someone in your life like him, you are worth so much more. Don't turn into an abused woman, be strong now and you will keep your self respect and self confidence.
2007-02-28 23:40:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lulu T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In short yes it is abuse.
But if you have been with him a while and it is out of character then maybe there is more at work here.
My partner becomes very odd and hurtful and once abusive after driking whisky and apparently this is more widespread than you might think. He now avoids whisky.
But stress can also be an important factor on making people act out of character when drunk. Has he been under a lot of stress recently? This doesn't excuse being nasty but might help you understand his behaviour a bit more.
2007-02-28 23:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he meant to do it and as long as he is sorry and regretful then you know it was only the drink
Talk to him and make sure he knows how you feel about him and if he drinks, it isn't abuse and we all do and have done things we regret when drunk
Saying this you should be very careful this never happens again as continuous abuse when drunk or sober is Considered as domestic abuse which no amounts of sorry will make up for it
Once he is sorry twice he is a W@nker!
Be Careful and take care xx
2007-02-28 23:17:53 · answer #7 · answered by Peachy Girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The failing down could be an accident, but pulling your hair and making you clean up after his mess…..is a clear sign HE is a ABUSER.... and when the going gets tough for him and start turning to the bottle more and more he will hit u constantly.
I don't drink but I hate people who r aggressive when they are drunk, very dangerous to be around them.
2007-02-28 23:32:59 · answer #8 · answered by loves_nature 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is abuse, what are you going to do, wait until next time he gets drunk and accidentally punches you in the face? Maybe he will cheat on you, but it will be OK as long as he has the "drunk" excuse to use. Why would you want a drunk for a boyfriend anyway? I would wager you are young, because any grow woman would throw that loser to the curb ASAP!
2007-02-28 23:14:00 · answer #9 · answered by MICHIGAN PI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There WILL NOT BE A NEXT TIME. Will you promise me that??
Once a man has hit a woman and been "forgiven" they will do it AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
You have been the victim of abuse and I advise you to leave him NOW, TODAY.
Have nothing else to do with this monster. The next time you might end up in hospital or even the MORGUE.
You sound really frightened and you have good reason to be sweetheart. I know you don't know me, but do this for me, LEAVE HIM.
2007-02-28 23:50:30 · answer #10 · answered by The Alchemist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋