relationship issues?

Question

me and my boyfriend are planing to get married we have been toghter for 3 years and have been in a long distance relationship. he has only talked to my parents once and now he really wants me to talk to them about our marrige plans. I know I have to talk to my parents the thing is that he has a child he is raising and my dad does not know about that. my mom does but never seems to want to talk about the situation. iit is really important for my boyfriend for me to talk to my parents i just do not know how to approach the situation. this issue is creating alot of tension in our relationship he just feels that i am avoiding talking to my parents because i am not sure of what i want. You could say i am my parents pride and joy. i will be the first to finish college and they have diffrent expectation from me.

I need some advice on how to apporach the situation.

we wil not be getting married until i get my bachlors which is in may

Answer 1

i would wait till the situation approcaches you first

Answer 2

I honestly think that whether or not he has a kid or not shouldn't come between you and him getting married, Yes it is a package deal.. But in the long run don't you think being upfront and honest to both your boyfriend and parents will make things easier? Also it being a long distance relationship has nothing to do with how you two care about eachother, as many might think it does..

I'd say to live with him before you get married so that you can learn how he is completely not just halfway.. Living together can show you exactly how he is when your around him 24/7.. I am currently in a long distance relationship and we've talked about marriage but we both believe that living together before we get married will help our relationship.. Just so that we know what we're getting into before we make that next big step..

I know how it feels whenever your parents are protective/have a different expectation of you.. I am the baby of 3.. I am always being looked at like I am still 13.. Sometimes even younger.. But no matter what, I am sure your parents will understand and hopefully be happy for you, seeming that you are happy now..

I hope all goes well!! Take care.. If you want to talk or anything, you can IM me or email me..

Answer 3

I would approach my parents with the attitude that this is what I want and there is not a thing wrong with it. First of all, these days, that is more common than not - it seems, where one or both people have children from another relationship/marriage. To know that and accept it and all the responsibilities that go with it is great. I would just tell them everything that they should know. Have pride in the fact that your boyfriend has a child. I realize that your parents do not accept this type of situation so readily. But, as long as you stand up for what you want, they will come around. Don't let their attitude ruin your relationship. Its YOUR relationship. You are an adult. You need to make your own decisions and not let the attitudes of your parents influence you if you know you are doing the right thing. I would also explain to your boyfriend the reason why you haven't spoke to your parents about it. Let him know exactly how you're feeling about it and that you are going to do something about it because you do not want that to affect your relationship like it has been. Good luck - I hope things work out for you both, or all three. Trust me, your parents will come around!!!

Answer 4

First off- his child comes with him, its a whole package deal, any doubts in the family and now is the time.

If your family has an issue with him or his child then they need to go, not him or the kid.

Next- adults talk to each other, they say what they want, and they accept that others may not want the same and- decide on the direction they will go from there.

You might lose your parents over this and gain a husband and a child, and be happy for the rest of your life, or you might lose him and the kid and keep the parents, but what you should be doing is talking (communicating) with everyone so that you can keep them all.

Communicate- talk, do not let things go unsaid.

(My Father and I are having some issues and I have decided that it might just be time to say good bye to the father I have always loved, so I have a fair idea here. I just hope that he will allow the lines of communication to stay open a little longer.)

Answer 5

A long distance relationship doesn't really give you a full idea of what it will be like living with this man forever and ever.

I am 42, and I can tell you this WITHOUT QUESTION: What you like at 22 will change by 30. I PROMISE.

If you guys are meant to be together (and are deeply in love), then he will not care if you take the time to finish your education. Perhaps after that, you could live together for 6 months or so to see how compatable you truly are. You'd be surprised at the things that will drive you nuts once the passion fades and you're stuck waking up next to this man EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

Finish school, go slow, and use your head girl. You are young and have PLENTY of time.

Answer 6

Hon - lets face it - you are contemplating on getting married -
in other words you are at the point of settling down in life .
THIS IS YOUR LIFE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT - not your Dads , Mums or not even your boyfriends life - >>>> YOUR LIFE
which you will take the step to- gether with your boyfriend who is raising a kid . HON _ ARE YOU OK WITH IT ? This is what matters most , Not what anyone else may think or feel .
Are you confident to take that step , do you feel that your boyfriend who is raising a kid feels he has made the right choice to ask your hand in marriage ? Do you both feel that the raisng of the child which is not yours will absoutely not cause a problem to your relationship in the future ? What about the mother of the child ? is she in the picture ? visitation ? contacting your boyfriend
with issues of her child ? ( lets not forget the child has the right to
know his / her mother and so does the mother - wer'e not talking abt who has custody - wer'e talking abt the child )
with all this in consideration , Hon if all is ok with You and your boyfriend - How about once you both know for sure - the 2 of You
both hold a family dinner and have an engagement / announcing that You are planning to gat married - and that you both ask for parental blessings . Have your boyfriends and your parents
and immediate family present - and both of yous remember that
NO SON-INLAW IS " GOOD " ENOUGH TO MARRY THEIR "PRINCESS" >>>> AND NO DAUGHTER INLAW IS GOOD ENOUGH TO MARRY THEIR DARLING BOY "
this is only natures way of parents - IT IS A WORLD THAT THE 2
OFYOU ARE SETTING OUT TO MAKE -
not one that is or can ever be planned for you by parents opinions or views
opinions and views of others will never make a married life for the 2 of you - the 2 of you will make a life to-gether - FOREVER
GOOD LUCK - GOD BLESS

Answer 7

that's harsh, just tell him how you feel about it like if your planning on getting married why not start now telling each other exactly how you feel about thing's it will make it all a lot better.
and the same with your parents approach the situation the same explain things clearly and make sure no feelings get hurt.
tell them you had to talk about it at one time or another and talking about it sooner and not avoiding it sounds like a good plan to me =].
I wish you the best of luck =].

Answer 8

Talking openly with my children is very important to me and probably most parents. Try sitting down with them like they may have for so many years. You might not like to hear what they say. It may be good advice or bad advice but ultimately getting married is your decision.

Answer 9

If you are considering this marriage to be FOREEVER, i would suggest you really set a date/day for him to meet your parents and sit down to talk about his plans and future with you and of course, this would include the child he is raising. It is better to be open now than later regret it. Believe me, you must be honest in a family relationship (with parents and husband to be). Take care.

Answer 10

Well first you need to find out what you really want, if you really love your boyfriend and would risk anything for him then you will do it. I understand that you respect your parents but i'm pretty sure they want to see you happy, if you let them know how happy you are with him, just tell them what you love about him and what you see in him. If they love you they will understand. But if you can't find good reasons to tell them then maybe you shouldn't. Good luckk!!!

Answer 11

why doesn't he speak to them it will be a commitment that you are willing to embark on so let him help you get there, he needs to step up to the plate and be a man and tell ur parents ur not a child and neither is he it shouldnt be an issue