i have been friends with this man for 9yrs. when i met him, he was married. from the time we have been friends til the present, there has always been "more" to the friendship. he has been divorced now for 4 years. we also now have 2 children together. but the friendship has never been given a title. there were even times he went his seperate way for awhile and dated someone. i let it go at first cuz he was just divorced and was really in a bad place. we even went so far as to try to be platonic--never worked--whether he was dating someone or not. he knows how i feel, knows what i want from him. has even told me he was in love with me too but couldn't be in an actual relationship cuz he don't want to hurt me and doesn't want to ruin or friendship which i think is pretty much ruined on the friendship level already. he has been seeing someone now a couple of months, but still professes his love to me. i can't take it anymore and am about to cut him out even tho i don't really want to.....
2007-02-28 18:30:55 · 17 answers · asked by niece612 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
this is just about me..not the kids. he's great to them, couldn't ask for a better dad. the problems are only with me. i don't plan to cut him out of their lives at all, just don't want to be around him for more than them
2007-02-28 18:40:12 · update #1
You have let this man take advantage of you and use your feelings for him against you for 9 years. Time to end the party. Think about it,
He sleeps with you when he wants.
He leaves when he wants.
He allows you to make excuses for his actions.
He let you bear 2 children with him.
This man is BAD news. Be assertive, realize you CAN find a man who is good to you, and will treat you right. The first step is to dump this man and get your life together. Maybe staying single and finding out who you are as a woman and a person is the most important thing for you right now.
2007-02-28 18:36:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your no longer perplexed, you in effortless words favor to ask your self what it really is you pick between life and if its a relationship then with whom? Im no longer positive this guy is the guy for you , perhaps per chance as a buddy! i imagine you gave too a lot too quickly initially once you werent searching to grant that a lot.......... you want time away and to sparkling your head, the way your feeling its packed with anger and frustration and that isnt a healthful thanks to commence a relationship! Its no longer the guy or hes ex that bothers you its in simple terms you no longer status agency on what you pick! sticking to it and not at all detouring at the same time as some thing doesnt pass your way and also you get thoughts of lonliness...... all of us have self doubts at circumstances even if we imagine all of us comprehend the position we are going notwithstanding the worst element you could do is do some thing that you wouldnt in many circumstances do wondering it is going to restore it up....... hooking up with this guy sexually in a dedicated way turned right into a no no......... you should of left it at both casual or non sexual.. your youthful and also you should finally end up and pass out and search for it... then after a time you'll comprehend at the same time as issues look extra sparkling for now , tell him your desiring area and apologise for any mistreatment youll be superb cheers :)
2016-12-05 02:22:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
perhaps, he thought you that you are fine with the arrangement. when he suggested seeing someone initially, you did not seem to have voiced any form of objection. this matter has been going on for so many years, it is hard to put the blame solely on him. before you want out though, sit him down and tell him how you feel, your hope for the future, and ask him to take a chance on this love by giving it a title. surely, your two children are symbolic of love. i don't understand why he is going out with other women... tell him, wait for a while for him to respond, if not, take it that things will never change and do something about the wasted years.
2007-02-28 18:37:39 · answer #3 · answered by counterculturalist 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're doing the right thing. For whatever reason, this guy will never, ever commit to you, or the children you've had with him. If you stay with him, he will never give you more than he's already giving, which isn't much. You deserve so much more than a man who quite plainly just isn't all that into you. Like Dr. Phil says, if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you've got.
2007-02-28 18:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm verry sorry that stuff like that happens...it sucks...i really have no idea what to say...if you dont get what you want and need then there is no need to stay with him or whatever i dont think...so it may be a good idea to push him out...it depends on you and your feelings...sounds to me like he just has excuses for not wanting to settle down...if you have kids togather you all will still have contact right? thats kinda a tuff question because what about the kids? he is a good father right? and you kinda have to think of everything when something like that happens and if you are not happy then you wount be happy until you get what you need and want out of this guy or someone you may fall in love with later on...but you need to think of yourself at this moment if you are happy your kids will be happy...and everything will turn out ok...
2007-02-28 18:42:46 · answer #5 · answered by dixiewoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a good idea but you can't just cut him out of your childrens life he does have a link to you for the rest of his life. if the relationship whatever it is isnt working you have the right to move on and be happy but not to take him away from his kids.
2007-02-28 18:36:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should see a therapist. You've described your problem rationally but it doesn't make sense. You are totally downplaying the two kids you have together? Out of friendship? BS
2007-02-28 18:45:39 · answer #7 · answered by gabrielbowers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound very happy....I think what you might want to do is get out of "this life" and find a new and more exciting one for you and the kids!
I would rather be happy, than in love and always miserable...what about you?!!!!
Besides, if he REALLY loved you, like he says...than he would "Fix" this problem....what do you think?!!!!
2007-02-28 18:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by Rivka 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do it.
If he truly loved you, there would have been nothing in the world that could have stopped him being with you after the divorce. He doesn't love you, you're his fall back option and he's using you for an ego booster.
2007-02-28 18:35:29 · answer #9 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
man o man you know hes been using you all that time. and still is . get away from him .looks like you will be better off.get him for support for the kids and all you can . for him using you all that time. taking his money will hurt him.
2007-02-28 18:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋