Help with boyfriend troubles!?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 3 weeks. He has Asperger's Syndrome. It's not too bad, he's just really into computers and a little bad at social situations.
We've known each other for 2 years, but only become friends recently (in the last 3-4 months). He's in year 12, and I'm in year 11.
He insists that he loves me, and I admittedly have said it back to him. (I know, I know, mistake on my part.) I don't think anyone can fall in love that fast, and I am not even sure I do love him (yet). Given time, maybe, but this is all going too fast. How do I tell him that?
Remember this is his first relationship and he fears rejection like the plague. Any help is appreciated. Thank you!

Just in case anyone gets the wrong idea - I don't WANT to break up with him, I just want to tell him how I feel without totally crushing him.

Answer 1

Hey gorjuzz..
I'm glad i came across your question because i was in ur situation 11 months ago and i am also in year 11! i have been with my bf for 11 months now and at the start my situation was exactly like yours he said he loved me and i just said it back without really contemplating it. however i did gI've it time and i can honestly say i have fallen in love with him and ive never been happier. i was so confused at the start and felt as though i may have made a massive mistake but it was all so worth it. my initial advice to you is stick with it give it a month and if your feeling have not changed at all you need to let go of him. if you inside yourself never felt anything for him you wouldn't be with him now remember that!

Answer 2

I think that trying not to crush the male sycee is a very difficult task on our part. I know what you are dealing with. I have had to tell my boyfriend things that are hard to tell him without hurting him a little.

Maybe the reason he loves you so quickly, is because you two have been friends for so long. And maybe you don't feel the same way yet. And that is okay. You just need to sit him down and tell him that you think that things are moving a little too fast for you.

He may ask what you mean and you will need to be honest with him. Just tell him that when he told you those three VERY special words (I love you) you felt a little pressured into resonding with the same words.

Tell him that you are sorry that you led him on falsely, but you just felt a little pressured. And ask if you could be given a little more time to gain those feelings. If he really does love you he will respect your wishes and will accept them, whether he likes them or not. Good luck.

Answer 3

It will be very very hard for you to do but you have to tell him that you aren't really sure you love him. And tell him why--just what you told us.

The most important thing is to do it as soon as you can because waiting will only make the matter first.

It really is too bad he fears rejection but you cannot let that stop you from telling him the truth of how you feel.

Look at it this way, do you want to be in a relationship based on lies? That wouldn't be good for either of you. Maybe it would help if you put it that way to him.

Answer 4

the most important thing is to make things clear. Its a lot easier to break things off completely than to slow them down, because people take that to mean so many different things. I would first off reduce it to just being friends. hang out with a lot of people and try to have fun so he can get used to it and sort of let go of the fact that he can't have you. He needs to stop dwelling on you before he can truthfully go slower.
I'm not the best at relationships, but maybe you can get something from that.
BTW, if it comes to a point where you don't think you can even be friends with him, make sure that goes into play right away, and don't worry about hurting him, just say what needs to be said because that is the most important. 'Tis better to leave a guy hurt than confused, for how else will he learn.

Answer 5

Don't beat around the bush. I'm a guy, I'm 18, and I've been in my first relationship with an amazing girl for over a year now. Just give it to him straight out - If you feel you're going to fast, don't be afraid to let him know. And don't let him use his syndrome as an excuse for not slowing down, either.

Answer 6

Umh... this is kinda hard.. but I do admit this has happened to me before. Basically you have to tell him that he is moving to fast. Your not going to break up with him. Just tell him not to use the word I LOVE YOU. When speaking to you. But then again statistics show that men fall in love faster then women do. So... he might be actually be telling the truth. But tell him that you like him. And keep reminding him too since this is his first relationship. And make sure you keep your temper on check dont get mad at him so much.(Not saying that he is.) But just be paitient be gentle this is still his first relationship. But I think ya'll to are going last..

Answer 7

All you have to do is reread what you are asking in this question and rephrase it to tell him exactly what you just wrote here. I am sure that if you are honest with the guy he won't feel rejected seeing how you will still be with him without the love part. It's all your decision on how to tel him, I can only recommend things. Good luck and i hope this helps you, peace.

Answer 8

WEll I think you need to talk to him about this - you cant let him go on and thinnking that you love him - dont just tell him that you dont love him, try to make him understand what love is and that in your age, you two are very young to probably know what love is and actully fall in love!
He needs to know its not HIS fault the way you are feeling, its just that you two are WAY young to know what love is.

Just take is slow, talk to him nicely, dont cut your relationship wit him or anything ( if you really like him ) be very nice to him and tell him that its not his fault :) just communicate with him and I am sure he will understand!

Answer 9

Take it slow and have anouther close friend outside waiting to help him after the shock. Good Luck!

Answer 10

sounds gr8