My husband accused me of having affair with brother?

Question

This is the weirdest day of my life. None of my friends would beleive me if I told them what was happening. My husband whom I loved and adored and is a great father to our daughter and wonderful husband has betrayed me. Two years ago his brother cam to live with us and he was jealouse I told him what was I supposed to do? I mean I thought it was nice I let his brother live there. Let me say on everything that is holy to me that I did not nor would I ever cheat and especially with my brother in law. SO we argued and he came to his senses 2 years ago apologised and said he was sorry but this was his biggest fear. His brother lived with us again and he accused me of the same thing after swearing b4 he moved in this would not happen. Now skip ahead everything is great and he goes crazy and calls his brother and accuses him and I of having and affair. I am devastated. He says he will only talk to me when I admit it. He says he has proof from someone but won't tell me who. I am so sick 2 my

stomach you have no idea we have a daughter and he has hurt me so bad with these vicious accusations and the fact he would let someone penetrate our marriage with such awful horrible lies. I am so beyond crying I have done that all day. All he keeps saying is are you ready to admit it then I will talk about working it out. Only now I am so hurt this feels like emotional abuse and to not even be put first as his spouse. I also would like to add that he was still talking to his ex girlfriend on the sly 10 years ago when we first got together and someone said they were still seeing each other and I beleived him. Also he went to a strip club with the boys from work on a "biz trip to SFO" and I found out through our ATM and once again I forgave him. He says he will forgive me when I admit it. How do I admit something I have not done. This is like a nightmare I can't wake up from.

We have been together 10 years and this is so out of the blue. He just got off wellbutrin. DOes not drink but for back pain they put in on something called nuerontin. Plus he takes hydrocordone for legit back pain. He is not a drug abuser. However the other times it was just ugly comments and we would get in a fight and now his brother is married and has a family. I love him for so many reason but I think I will need to leave.

one last thing thats all I have been saying all day is show me the proof tell me who told you I have called him every name in the book to get and answer and cried and done everything I can to get him to tell me and he protects this person. I think I am realizing my own answer the more I write it is becoming amazingly clear. Thank you all for the advise. I do not normally write on these kids of things but I just am too embarrased to tell my freinds and family other than my dad right now.

Answer 1

I would have to say that you all need to try some counseling....

There are obviously some things going on that you can not put your finger on...

It could be insecurities from things that happened before you all even got married that he has not discussed with you (that occurred in his family....)

That could range from his confidence or an event that occurred that has caused him to feel threatened....

The whole issue with the strip club and stuff is something that needs to be addressed as well....via counseling....

I fear that there is some type of sexual misconception or notion that your husband may have that he has not quited connected with because of something that he is dealing with in his life....

Because...all of the issues are focused around sex...or sex like issues....

So, try that and see what happens, but I think that it worth addressing because you all have a great marriage outside of the issues that you have addressed here (as I picked up from your outline)

But, when someone has that in their mind, it is hard for you to convince them otherwise, because the situation has been created in their mind

With the mind being so powerful...I would suggest some type of intervention...that could help communicate and mediate the issues that are being misinterpreted....

Answer 2

Your husband needs help and I do not think you can give him the help he needs. There are sick people in this world and in my life and what I believe this is horrible. You tell him their is no need to speak if he thinks this of you he. I always heard the guilty party always accuses the Innocent. So tell him that you both go into counseling. And if there is a trouble maker out there trying to breakup your marriage then they should be held accountable for their actions. YOU have a child with this man an either you have a trouble maker near by or your husband has issues. Tell him no one else can stay in your home no matter what you don't need this stress raising a daughter in horrible accusations. This is common from people who believe it's normal. My niece thought I was having an affair with my brother n law of 30 years and I just now forgave her for her sick thoughts and that has been 7 years ago since she said this to me. Good luck and try to raise your daughter with morals no matter what happens it is important. God bless You and your family.

Answer 3

i feel for u because i know how frustrating it is to defend urself against false accusations! you are right this is emotional abuse and it is not easy to face especially if this is someone you love. i could suggest the following:both of u may need to cut of ur private life all the things that inspire lack of trust like u wouldnt entertain his brother in your house alone and he would promise not to go to such clubs or meet the ex again. his brother and ex could only be good friends but not to be allowed into ur private life. but u shouldnt stop there, u should seek counselling together to learn how to exchange trust, or ask the opinion of an objective wise acquiantance together. finally, if all attempts fail, if u have blocked sourcs of doubt, if u have talked together calmly, if u sought help and all faile, put ur feet down and tell him since he wouldnt openly discuss his "proof" he has no choice but to trust in you and respect u or it doesnt make sense to continue such an abusive relationship. because sometimes people reflect their guilt on others and start accusing their partners just to feel less guilty.

Answer 4

He won't believe his own brother, or his wife of 10 years, even though he's already been proven to be an *** on one other occasion........

Now he says he has proof???? OK, it's put up or shut up time!!!

First, just to be on the safe side, I'd contact his doc.. make sure that the drug combo wouldn't be causing any paranoid tendencies.

once that's been cleared.. have his bags at the door, a TRO in hand.. make sure you've cleaned out the bank accounts and put everything in new accounts with just your name on them... tell him you want to see the proof.. you know what ever he claims it have is Bullshit, he knows it's bullshit, he needs help and until he gets it, here's a copy of a TRO, if he violates it you'll call the police, otherwise, here is a schedule of psych appointments for him. if he misses 1, his suitcases will be in the yard and you're filing the TRO.

Answer 5

First of all, you need to get away from your husband. He's off his rocker. He might be a great father and all but, he's a crappy husband. He's trying to accuse you of doing things because *SHOCKER* he's guilty of cheating himself. Guilty people do this. He's laying blame on you so he can dump you without feeling guilty or so he can justify his cheating. Call his bluff and ask him for the proof that he supposedly has. If you're truly innocent (I do believe you are), lay all your cards out on the table and tell him to show you his so called proof. I'm fairly certain he has none. Your husband is a timebomb and you need to get out of this situation NOW! I'm so not joking! No offense but the games he's playing are totally psycho and this screams of guilt on his part. You need to worry about you and your daughter, not his stupid feelings. He's going on phantom business trips and going to strip clubs and that's ok? I don't think so. He's holding you to a different standard and now he's trying to flip the script. Get some guts and call him on his bullsh*t! He's full of it and he knows you're too scared to call him out. Gather your courage and demand that he show you the proof of you cheating. If someone supposedly saw you with his brother, have that person say that to your face! If he can't provide any, take your daughter, get out and get a lawyer.


Your husband is in the wrong here. I'm dead serious. You're crying over something you didn't even do! Stop feeling bad for HIS guilt. Get out and don't look back. If you don't, expect him to bring home a lovely STD for you or even better, he'll end up leaving you for yet another made up reason. He wants out and he's trying to lie the blame on you. Give that dude a reality check and boot him out of your life. You and your daughter are better off with that psycho drama in your life. You're really too scared to call him on this and that's what he is relying on. He knows you'll cry and profess innocence and do nothing else. He's used to walking all over you and that needs to stop. You're a strong woman, you can leave this guy and his crazy ways behind. Now is not the time for reasoning. He's accusing you of something that is very damaging. If you don't defend yourself, you could lose your daughter and everything else you've worked for. Don't let him bully you anymore. Take control and tell that psycho to get out!

Answer 6

if hes got proof then tell him u wont 2 c it or all of u sit in the same room and talk about it if that dont work then u must start thinking of your self do u need it? can u live like that all the time? if u answer no that u no what u got 2 do if u dont wont that then go bk 2 the way u was with him when u 1st met c if u can put that time bk in ur lifes

Answer 7

10 years is a long time to have such trust issues. I hate to jump the gun but it may be he is having thoughts of cheating (or has cheated) and is, in turn is transferring his desires into fears. He may be cheating on you now. To rationalize in his mind why he is cheating he outwardly accuses you to make him feel less guilty. He is also using an easy target and false proof to force you to come forward with it. He is doing this relentlessly because he doesn't want to believe he is the only guilty party.

Answer 8

He is looking for you to look at yourself and not at him. What is he doing? Lets face it only you know if you did or didn't. If you didn't then you know he has no proof. Why is your brother in law living with you anyway? After the first go around I would not have moved him in again. Tell your husband if he goes for a lie detector test then so will you. If he is not interested in going then he needs to stop the drama. I think he has more to hide here.

Answer 9

Listen hun! Only you and his brother know that you have never slept together, and you have to prove that before it gets any worst! My stepdad is like that towards my mom, he is so jealous, she has to practically ask to go to the restroom, and it gets to me. Well my stepdad is a welder and he called my mom but he got no answer and he got all paranoid and said that she was getting laid by another man, he even accuses her of sleeping with her own brother!!!! I dont know what men are coming to one of these days! But I heard that if the one you love is accusing you of messing around, then he is really messing around on you, and you dont need to go through that because you cared for him through rich or poor!!!! But keep your head up high and dont let your husband get to you, just say " I know what I do, and I know that I did NOT sleep with your brother! So if it bothers you so much, then why dont you talk to him about it!"

Answer 10

This man is clearly crazy. Normally I would tell you that you should sit down and talk with him.

In a situation where he is haunted by recurring paranoia, I'm afraid there's not much you can do. Please encourage your husband to seek counseling regarding this issue. It would also probably be a good idea if your brother-in-law were to leave the living arrangements for now. Obviously he is a source of conflict and your husband is threatened by his presence.

Good luck!

(By the way, if he shows up unexpectedly and is threatening, please call the police.)