I plan to throw afew jokes to a male teacher of mine. No offensive jokes of any kind! Its hard making him laugh, so the best will definetly deserve the 10points!
Thanks alot! very much appreciated!
2007-02-28 16:31:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
2007-02-28 16:40:42 · answer #1 · answered by mongo_wood 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mr. Bean
1) BRAIN TUMOR: Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor. Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy) Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you? Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb? Doctor: Then why are you so happy? Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!* **
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!! * **
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!! * **
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE: Friend: What are you looking at? Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!*
5) Marriage: Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Friend: Why? Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND: Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok? Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend: What tape did you took anyway? Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER: Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder Friend: what now? Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING: Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure. Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) Spelling lesson: Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c? Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
2007-02-28 16:38:08 · answer #2 · answered by Cfoo_master 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well theres this bus driving along the road with the 50 ugliest people in the world in it and it crashes and they all die.. They rise up to the gates of heaven and God says now before you enter the gates of heaven you may have one wish.. God says to the first person what is your wish? and the first person says "I would like t be beautiful" and the wish is granted.. at this moment the 50th person starts laughing and no one knows why so God goes on to the next person and they ask for the same thing and there wish is granted.. The 50th person is still laughing... Then God gets to the 10th person and so far every one has made the same wish so far and they are all beautiful.. God goes on and on through the line and they all wish for the same thing and get their wish granted.. But the closer he gets to the 50th person the more the 50th person laughs.. Finally God gets to the 50th person and asks what he would like to wish for and the 50th person says... "I wish that the last 49 people who went through the gates of heaven and wished to be beautiful were all ugly again." ...The 50th person got his wish and every one was ugly again..
...Lame joke but its okaii for a teacher..
...Short joke: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?? ...Dam!!
2007-02-28 16:41:37 · answer #3 · answered by ♥..::Amy::..♥ 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
the mummy extra proper of a Convent informs 2 Nuns that their interest for the day is to color a undeniable room. the mummy extra proper warns, even however, that they are to not get any paint on their conduct - not a single drop. Upon getting into the room with paint and brushes in-hand, the two Nuns opt to fasten the door and strip themselves bare to guard their conduct. After approximately 5 minutes of portray, they pay attention a knock on the door. "who's it?" asks one Nun. "Blind guy" is the reaction from the different component of the door. the two Nuns look at one yet another. Then one says to the different, "nicely, what's the harm...he won't be able to probably see us." Upon commencing off the door, the guy exclaims, "stunning Jugs...the place do you like those blinds?"
2016-10-17 00:03:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
President Bush is having a cabinet meeting. One of his generals comes in and walks over and whispers in his ear that 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. Bush's face goes stone cold white and his lip quivers and a tear comes in to his eye as he asks the general, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion"?
2007-02-28 16:36:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
One day a man went on a buissness trip to Florida.
He had saw this hooker and he asked "How much for a hand job?"
The hooker replied "100 Bucks"
The man said "100 Bucks, That's a lot of got damn money"
So the hooker pulled him to the side and said "See that Mercedes, I paid for that by giving hand jobs."
So he gave her the money and received the best hand he had ever had.
The next day he sees her and asks "How much for a head job?"
She said "200 dollars"
"200 dollars that's a lot of money"
She pulled him to the side and said "You see that yahat by the pier, I paid for that yahat by giving head jobs."
So he gives her the money, and get the best head job of his life
On hist last day in Florida he returns to the hooker and says "The hand job was good, the head job was great how much for the whole package."
"1000 dollars'
"1000 dollars that's a lot of god damn money"
So she pulled him to side and said "You see that island, I could afford that if i had a Vagina."
2007-02-28 17:29:29 · answer #6 · answered by Electric 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two lawyers are walking down the street. They see a beautiful woman walking toward them. One lawyer turns to the other and says, "Man, would I ike to screw her" the other lawyer says "out of what?"
2007-02-28 16:50:58 · answer #7 · answered by fredrick z 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK
There were 3 tomato's walking down the street. A mummy tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato.
The baby tomato started to lag behind and the daddy tomato got mad. He went back to the baby tomato and squished him and said 'Ketchup!'
Get it??
lol. Its corny I know!
2007-02-28 16:36:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Know the difference between a Northerner's fairy tale and a Southerner's?
Northerner's starts "Once upon a time"...
Southerner's starts "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s**t!"
2007-02-28 16:35:51 · answer #9 · answered by Robert M 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Q:how do you know what time to go to bed at micheal jackson's house?
A:when the little hand touches the big hand
2007-02-28 18:20:47 · answer #10 · answered by anthonyctheriault 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋