Deep in a forest of beautiful green a wondering angel is yet to be seen.
The life of a creature,but of body and mind.
The eyes of many golden streams,and heart that is kind.
To wonderers the angel is fierce.
To me she is a dream.
A dream so real,a dream so true,the sweetest thing I ever knew.
But yet many don't believe,that the angel in her is the angel in me.
2007-02-28 16:00:15 · 8 answers · asked by kimmysue34 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
don't quit your day job
2007-02-28 16:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um..I'm usually very harsh on poems, but there is something worthwhile here that could be expanded on.
Your first three and a half lines have a freshness that is rare in amateur poetry, although they aren't polished and crafted yet.
Yes, you trail off into cliche - a cardinal sin of poetry - and your word choices and meter could use revision, but you have potential (I almost never say that) and you should build on it.
Go to everypoet.com and post on the "General" board there; the critique will help you improve your writing. Don't give up, even if they are harsh - stay in touch with your vision and realize that hard work is necessary to express it as fully as possible.
2007-03-01 00:08:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. (From me thats tantamount to a compliment). I wouldnt say amazing, but I would say awful either, which is what I usually call the amateur poetry that I see on the internet. (Amateur meaning not by a professional poet, nothing negative implied)
Overall I like it, although to be perfectly honest I wouldnt buy it (in a book or whatever).
But yknow what they say, music plays to different ears, and that applies to writing as well. I'm sure theres people out there who'll love it.
Good luck
2007-03-01 00:07:59 · answer #3 · answered by Jesus W. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It was very Sweet and lyrical, but you need to improve on your spelling. Angel- wondering or wandering? Two different meanings.
2007-03-01 00:18:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm well angels are all men for one thing, sounds like u want to make love to Gabriel or something, wo-man came from men....animals R meant to breed. Angels R meant to serve God. angels have no gender, just angels. like God...
2007-03-01 00:09:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't scan very well and it seems to make very little sense. With years of practice, you might qualify to write verses for Hallmark.
2007-03-01 00:09:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very nice
2007-03-01 00:06:26 · answer #7 · answered by Mayonaise 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to give you my opinion later, after my English is improved.
2007-03-01 00:14:05 · answer #8 · answered by Speck Schnuck 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋