My father in law LOVES his grandson, he worships the ground he walks on, everyone knows it. He's at our house every other day. He's always there for us when we need him, and he's usually very helpful. Here's the problem. He makes really bad decisions that could harm our son and we don't know what to do. My son is only 5 years old, and he loves going places w/ his Grandpa. About a year ago, he let our son drive the riding lawn mower by himself, yes, Grandpa was walking beside of him, but we freaked out about this! When he was a baby, he took him in his stroller across a very busy road just to see the train. Just this afternoon, my husband was coming home, and he saw our son at a very busy convenient store in the back of Grandpa's truck, with the windows rolled halfway down, and Grandpa inside the store. We tried sitting down with him to tell him we dissaprove of this, and he got mad & left. Question, should we just stop him from getting him?? Our son would be so sad! Please help!
2007-02-28 15:50:41 · 7 answers · asked by jasonsjewel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is a tough question because it involves family. Family is hard to deal with without feelings being hurt.
Here's the bottom line. Your father-in-law is a safety concern for your child. The normal response to such a threat is to remove it. Unfortunately, the safety of your child must come first before the needs of a grandparent.
You should make it clear to your father-in-law that there are two options; he behaves correctly when dealing with your son, or he is no longer allowed to be with the child unsupervised.
Normally, I would say that Grandpa is just being cool, but some of the described incidents are both dangerous and illegal. If your child is as young as you say, if someone reported these actions it is possible that legal action could be taken and the repercussions from there would be unpleasant for everyone involved.
2007-02-28 15:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by tietzmeister 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
WOW. Don't take this wrong but does he do anything right??? Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So we are told. This means that while we do something, anything, something will happen whether it is bad or good. When I was five my grandfather would let me ride his pony while he walked beside me and now I can ride a horse, wonder how that happened? Every parent wants to keep their children safe from harm.
But really, when was the last time you made a bad decision with your son, like going through the yellowish orange light instead of stopping or using the cell phone while he was in the car? And when you did it, did you realize that you did it, like you watch for him to do it? Did you run home and sit down with your father in law and husband and tell them to lay the law down??? Yes or No not, well thats different.
My parents gave my grandparents that extra right of way with all five of us. And my grandfathers were the only people that were allowed to do things that my parents objected to. Like riding in the back of the truck. Why, because when you know that a person has that much love for you and yours, you know that they will do everything possible,except make life boring, to make it safe even if you can not see it. I expect that a lot of people here won't like this. Think about what you’re getting upset about. The busy road thing for one. If you cross a busy intersection in a car how many people notice the baby? If you push a stroller, how many people notice? I know it only takes one time. BUT!!! He got to see a train. Thats cool not a bad decision.
A couple months ago a plane dumped its waste at a high altitude and an ice ball about pumpkin size landed in a little boy’s bedroom all by itself. Less than twenty miles from where I live. And grandpa was nowhere around when it happened but his parents were.
For five years your son has brought so much joy into someone’s life while you sit there scared to death thinking that he is going to take your son away or hurt him. It sounds to me that grandpa maybe be your son’s life as well. Grandpa loves to do things for and with him, why would you give him an ultimatum? This is not a stranger trying to hurt your child.
Hell, he will probably get hurt more by his first girl friend then grandpa could ever do.
2007-03-02 09:01:12 · answer #2 · answered by Tim D 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok kids,this is hard for everyone involved I can tell. I am a grandparent and I would never do anything to harm my grandchildren. It sounds like your father in law has good intentions and I do not think he would allow any harm to your child. Taking the child nto see the train is not a bad thing. I am sure Grandpa can cross a busy street. After all he is an adult. As far as the rider mower,Grandpa was supervising. Obviously he would not allow him to be unsupervised or he would get hurt possibly. Don't separate Grandpa from your son, it will not be good for your son or Grandpa. Maybe you could just go along more or just remind him sometimes that you are concerned that they may BOTH get hurt. Show your respect and concern for him and your son. Grandparents need their grandkids. It would kill me if I could not be with mine. Set some ground rules and ask him what he thinks you should do? Just explain to him that sometimes you are over protective and fear your child getting hurt. Don't make Grandpa feel like he has failed as a grandparent.Good luck to your family and thank your lucky stars you have a caring and loving father in law. BUT,your sons safety must come first,so you may have to supervise...its tough.
2007-02-28 16:13:09 · answer #3 · answered by Shortydeb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say he got mad and left...his feelings were probably hurt. In his mind he thinks he is being good to the boy that he loves so much. Call him and tel him Jr. misses him. Then his son should talk to him, alone. Explain there are a lot of laws now, especially about leaving a child in a car alone. Tell Gramps he could get arrested. Forget about the lawn mower if it was a year ago. I'm sure you let him know it enough already. When talking to him, take the blame if necessary. Say you are overprotective and for him to please follow your rules even if he thinks you are wrong. Maybe you can ask him to be a little more careful. Tell him he is a big help to you when he takes him but there are rules! I'm on your side and I hope this works for you!
2007-02-28 16:29:26 · answer #4 · answered by DPL06351 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that your father-in-law is putting your son at risk then you should not let him take you son anywhere. He is your son and you have to make sure he is always safe.
Grandpa may be upset for a while but once he realizes how important this is to you, he will come around.
As far as your son is concerned, you are not entering into a popularity contest. You are being a parent.
2007-02-28 15:58:51 · answer #5 · answered by Sami Q 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him he's putting your son in danger and you're not tolerating it. He can get mad all he wants, your son only has 1 life.
2007-02-28 15:57:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you must be with your son when grand pa is with him .forget what it well do to them you are saving the boys life now stop thinking about it and be a guardian of the boy
2007-02-28 16:03:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋