i could really really really use a laugh?

Question

so if u know any really funny jokes pretty plz with suger on top tell

Answer 1

kayla i only know nasty jokes =P.................

this one is sick


Clinton dies and of course goes straight to hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity. They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! That’s not how I want to spend all eternity......." They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"

They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a *******. Bill thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. I’ll take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey Monica, you’ve been replaced."




this ones OLD but i still crack up every time




A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger ******* his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."




A guy is horny a hell - but broke. He goes to a whorehouse with $5.00, and begs the Madame to give him whatever she can for it. She says "I'm sorry, but that will only cover the rent for ten minutes, and none of my hookers work for free!" The guy gets the room, but has nothing to ****. He looks out on the ledge of the building and sees a pigeon. Quietly, he opens the window, grabs the poor bird and just ***** the living **** out of it. Satisfied, he goes home.

Next week, he returns to the whorehouse, with his pay cheque. He says to the Madame, "I got lots of money now...give me a hooker!". The Madame replies "All of them are busy now, why don't you go to the peep show and get yourself in the mood?". The guy does, and is enjoying the show, when he turns to the guy next to him and says, "Hey, these chicks really know what they're doing huh?", The guy responds, "Yeah, but you should have been here last week, there was this guy ******* a pigeon!"


das all i got

ill give u a good site though :}

Answer 2

It's early 2009, and Hillary Clinton is spending her first night back in the White House, this time, as President (remember, it's a joke). That night as she sleeps, she is visited by ghosts of three former Presidents. She asks the first ghost, George Washington, "What's the best thing that I can do for America?" Washington replies, "Follow your heart, and never tell a lie." She is then visited by Thomas Jefferson, and she poses the question to him. Jefferson replies, "Don't be afraid to take bold steps to build a strong economy." She is finally visited by the ghost of Abe Lincoln, and she asks him the same question. Lincoln replies, "Go to the theater!"

Answer 3

Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato

had eyes for each other,

and finally they got married,

and had a little sweet potato,

which they called 'Yam.'

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time,

they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out

and getting half-baked,

so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed,

and get a bad name for herself like

'Hot Potato,'

and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry,

no Spud would get her into

the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand

she wouldn't stay home

and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise

so as not to be skinny

like her Shoestring cousins.

When she went off to Europe,

Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam

to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland.

And the greasy guys from France

called the French Fries.

And when she went out west,

to watch out for the Indians

so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on

the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate

with those high class Yukon Golds,

or the ones from the other side of the tracks

who advertise their trade

on all the trucks that say,

'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U.

(that's Potato University)

so that when she graduated

she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her,

one-day Yam came home and announced

she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't

possibly marry Tom Brokaw

because he's just.......

Are you ready for this?


Are you sure?

*
*
*
*
*
*
*

OK! Here it is!

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

A COMMON TATER

Answer 4

This newly wed couple were getting in bed , and the husband turned off the lights. His wife said, honey were married we can keep the lights on. Oh no says the husband lets turn them off! No lets keep them on says the wife. finally after arguing back and forth , the husband gives in and they kept the lights on.
He takes off his socks and his wife says "oh my God!" what happened to your toes? he replies "Toeleo." Then he takes off his pants, and his wife again says "oh my God!," what happened to your knee's? he replies "neasles," she says, oh. Then he takes off his under wear, His wife says "Don't tell me,small cox!!"