I have a friend who has a four year old son who isn't potty trained.?

Question

He isn't even wearing pull-ups. He still wears regular diapers during the day and night... Is this normal??

Answer 1

I have two boys - 3 1/2 and 5, and they are both potty trained. I am not a believer in started them before they are ready, but I think 4 is too old to be wearing diapers. By 4, the bladder should be developed enough and the child should be showing signs of wanting to potty train, unless of course the child has some sort of medical complication. For example, I have a friend whose child has a genetic disorder and probably won't be potty trained until he is 5, and I also know a few people whose children are autistic and have potty trained later than the "norm."

This is a very sensitive subject for a parent, so if you choose to talk to your friend about it, be careful with your words. Offer help if you can and also offer to help your friend do research into the best ways to potty train. Good luck to you and your friend and her little boy!

Answer 2

I also have a friend who has a 4 yr old that is still in diapers. This is not her first child either, it's her third! I've spoken to her about this but she said she's not worried about it because (in her words) "he will just know when he's ready to use the toilet". I've spoken to her because she is always calling me complaining that she has no money & diapers are expensive. Did I mention that she's also a stay at home mother so she really has no excuse for not taking the time to train him? She still refers to him as "the baby" which drives me nuts. His speech isn't the greatest for his age either, he still talks like he is a baby probably because she still treats him like a baby. This issue is starting to affect our friendship because I really can't stand being around just the total lack of discipline in her house. I'm not sure how to approach her about this tho. Her child has no developmental issues that I am aware of either. Any advice would be much appreciated!

Answer 3

Not normal. Unless a child was disabled it was unheard of in the age before paper diapers. Now, the kids just don't feel the wetness, so why would they have any impetus to not go in a diaper. Even glorified diapers, like pull-ups are detrimental to the necessity of being aware of your elimination and being uncomfortable enough to do something about it. Why not just spend the $$ that a pack of paper diapers costs and buy a few packs of cloth training pants? Eventually the child will come to dislike having to stop playing to get changed and the icky wetness against his skin.

Answer 4

All kids are different. My 4 yr old knows how to use the bathroom but he refused to do so if I am around if I am gone to work he uses the bathroom with no problem. He does wear pull ups My Doctor said it is his way to make sure I will still care for him and take care of him. It might be an issue with his mom not the child...most 4 yr olds at least wear pull-ups

Answer 5

Is he developmentally normal? if he is developmentally normal then he is a little old to not be potty trained/ing however it is not unusual. My special needs son will be 4 this year and he is still in normal diapers and no where near potty training time.

Answer 6

NO. Most children are trained by the age of 3 or are at least in training.
It's probably that she is either unaware that he needs to be trained, or she is scared of facing the issue. She might have some emotional issues about her little boy growing up.

Talk to her about it. I would get some brochures about toilet training and leave them with her. Even if she gets defensive, she might read them once your gone. Encourage her to attend some toilet training sessions run by your local community health centre. He needs to be clean before he can start Kindy.

Answer 7

that is sooooooooooo wrong!!!!! my son has been out of diapers for 2yrs now and he is 4.... it doesnt matter if they are boy or girl they should start toilet training at 2 at least.... if the kid is 4yrs old hes got 1yr to get use to not being in one day and night before school now that is so nasty... i dont care what anyone says boys are just as easy to train as a girl.. and it cleaner for a boy because they dont have to touch the toilet seats in public

Answer 8

Every child is different. My son was 3 1/2 when he got potty trained. Believe me, we tried early and it seemed to work but then I think we pushed too hard and he digressed. Just think about it this way, He won't be 20 years old and peeing his pants!!!

Answer 9

I am a preschool teacher at a daycare and am dealing with a similar situation with one of my students. My student is almost 4 yrs. old and is wearing pull-ups. However, they do not even grasp the concept of physically peeing in the toilet. I try to take her atleast 4 times a day and all she'll do is sit there and then claim that she went after she is bored of sitting. This child is also very introverted and does not communicate with her teachers that she is wet or had a bm. With a class of up to 17 children and 2 teachers it is very hard to potty train 1 child. Especially because all of the other children have been potty trained since they were 2 yrs. old. So she could be sitting in her wet/ soiled pull-up for over and hour from her last change and we wouldn't know it.
The child's mother continually expresses concern that she is not yet potty trained, however when given advice of putting her in underwear at home so she can actually feel the wetness she looks in disgust at us. She has the belief that when her child is ready she will willingly go. So far this tactic has not worked.
I think it is perfectly fine to allow a child's progress to go at their own pace - IF they are at home and/ or home schooled with their parent and NOT in a daycare setting.
By the time a child enters kindergarten it is required that he or she is potty trained. As harsh as this may sound, a child that is not fully trained and continues to need personal attention during the day for the toilet can become a burden and disruptive to the class curriculum. Even as a preschool teacher with another teacher around it is next to impossible to attend to her toiletry needs while also trying to meet the needs of our other children.
It also becomes a sanitary concern. THIS IS A WORSE CASE SCENARIO (but happens quite often on busy days). While interacting with my children and getting ready for snack/ lunch or center time, finding her standing in a puddle of her own urine on the rug or in the middle of the room is very disruptive to any kind of schedule. Not only do I have to concern myself only to her, but I also have to try to clean up the mess while the other teacher trys to keep the other children busy and away from the mess. She will have to stand in her soiled pull-up until I can't thoroughly clean the mess in the classroom. My main concern is keeping the classroom a healthy and safe environment. So depending on the mess and how well the other children reacct to the mess it could be atleast 5 minutes before I even get back to her to change her. After the mess is cleaned and sanitized. I then have to physically leave the room to get her a change of clothes and a new pullup. She is still standing in the bathroom soiled. I'm leaving the room for 1 teacher responsible for 14-17 children. I return only to have to leave again with her to take her to a changing table in a toddler room. Again leaving my classroom teacher/ child ratio below our state regulations. During all of this we might be able to have one of our directors come into our room to help supervise, but usally one is preparing lunches for over 75 children and the other is answering the never ending phone calls.
I know this may seem a little extreme, but it is a very real and typical situation when a child is in a classroom that does not have a curriculum involving diaper changing and toilet training. I never make the child feel as though she is a burden or that I'm upset with her for having had an accident. It is not her fault for not being able to understand how to use the bathroom on her own. It is something that is taught and learned over time. So it should never be a situation that is taken lightely and put on the shoulders of the child to decide when they are ready. They will be ready when they are properly exposed to and taught how to do so BY THE PARENT(S) with help from the teacher(s).
Respectively a child should be or very close to being potty trained by age 3. After age 3 it becomes difficult for that child to be able to continue in a regular educational program. I once had to not allow a child to play on the rug or in the sand box outside because their accidents were so frequent throughought the day and the other children were constantly stepping or sitting in that child's urine.

It is very unfortunate when a child at this age is unable to be at the same pace as their fellow peers. Especially with potty training. The child may develop low self-esteem or worse become embarassed of their body and how it functions. This can further the child progessing in toilet training. A parent that believes the child will just start using the toilet when they are ready may be further making the issue worse. All children need direction and a strong sense of security especially when it comes to their health needs. There is no reason to have an agressive approach to potty trainging but a continued bathroom routine is a very positive and successful way of bringing your child closer to bathroom bliss ! A routine can also make your child feel more confident in themselves. They come to expect going potty and are less likely to fight or feel bothered by it. I wouldn't suggest using treats or gifts as rewards for going potty when training an older child. They will soon learn to manipulate the situation and thus taking away the focus from their positive progression. If the problem persists after age 3 1/2 - 4 I would speak with the child's pediatrician. Just like with my student, I feel that she could possibly have a learning disability or nuerological problem. Intellectually she is very smart and articulate but socially she has problems.
I hope this gave some insight to the problem.

Answer 10

My son was just over 3 when he finally got fully trained. Hopefully the mom is at least trying to train him. It is hard, especially boys.