My 10 year old son thinks he can disrepect me and his mother, when ever he wants to, and then when we go to disipline him he tells us if we were nicer to him he would listen more to us. I am not sure of what to do with him anymore. I have tried to take things away from him, ground him even try using my belt on him a little, but I don't want to go the same path my dad with me and always use the belt.
2007-02-28 15:11:23 · 22 answers · asked by j_hajny 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
DEAR SIR
SOME TIME THAT IS THE ONLY WAY KIDS THESE DAYS WILL LISTEN WITH THE BELT PADDLE YOU CAN ALSO USE A DISHING SOAP CALLED DAWN AND MAKE HIM BLOW SOME BUBBLES AND PUT HIM IN THE CONNER ON HIS KNEES USE RICE TO MAKE HIM KNEEL ON IT OK 30 MINUTES STAND THERE WITH A PING PONG PADDLE THE ($.99) CENT ONE WE ALL USE TO PLAY WITH WHEN WE ALL ON HERE WHERE KIDS WHEN THE LITTLE BOUNCING BALL CAME OFF OF IT MOMMY HAD A SPANKING DEVICE ALREADY SET TO GO PEOPLE CAN NOT SAY DO NOT REMEMBER THIS THEY DO IF YOU WHERE BORN IN THE 1960,S 70,S 80,S TO 1992 AFTER THAT KIDS WENT HOG WILD. I MOVED TO CA. IN 1990 TO 94 AND LIVED TO SEE THE LA. RIOTS I LIVED IT LIVE AND IN PERSON NOW I LIVE IN TX/LA. AND IT IS GOOD TO BE BACK I HOPE I HELP YOU OUT TAKE CARE GOOD LUCK REMEMBER THE GOOD BOOK SPARER THE ROD AND SPOIL THE CHILD.
2007-02-28 15:54:12 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Is your ten year old son bigger than you?.no, but before long he maybe......the next time he opens his mouth and says something disrespectful to you or your wife..you sit his azz down really hard right where he is.. than you get right down in his face and in the meanest voice you have got ...you tell him that you and your wife are the boss and that from now on he is never ever to disrespect you or his mom again....that this behavior will absolutely not be tolerated any longer... tell him that you have tried to be kind but this hasn't worked..now you are left with no choice but to show him the ugly side of learning...leave an impression on him..scare the hell out of him......make him think.....than if he disrespects you again.... put him over your knee and use the palm of your hand....and when you swat his azz you make sure you leave it bright pink..so that he will feels it for a long while and not a little bit....after you are done....you get in his face again look him straight in the eye and tell him you took it easy on him this time but the next he will won't be so lucky...put the fear of the unknown in him.....
...your child is ten..at this age he should know his place in the household and who is in charge..but it appears he doesn't...so now, you have got to show him...if you don't ....lord help you when the teen years hit...this kind of behavior does not correct itself ..it is not a "stage" that he will pass through....he has to be taught that this behavior will not be tolerated .........you really have no choice..if it continues ...all it will do is bring you and your wife a lot of heartache and leave him not understanding boundaries that might end up getting him hurt or killed someday.......
I know many may find my suggestion offensive...the time outs and the taking things away....these method works with some children and others.. it is pretty much of a joke......each kid is different and no two react the same.........but I am tired of seeing kids not knowing how to act or behave and don't give a crap about anyone but themselves ...my generation knew how to behave around others.. and this behavior did not come about by accident...children had boundaries and when they crossed those boundaries there were consequences and it wasn't resting for twenty minutes or so..or having a stupid gadget taken away for awhile....it was an unpleasant experience one that was really dreaded ..which was all the more reason to avoid doing things that would bring on these consequences .....you never heard a child back talk their parents or say horrible things to their grandparents.....or see a small child kick and hit someone over and over and the parents not do a darn thing about it.......but you do now and on a regular basis...wonder why?...what has changed?...... it is not really hard to figure it out....
2007-03-01 03:34:24 · answer #2 · answered by LeftField360 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It all depends on how hardcore you want to be. One technique I can suggest takes a lot of effort on your part up front but in the long run will probably work out best.
First, take a day where your son is gone all day. If this means either you, your wife, or both of you send him to a friend's house for a day (and night) on the weekend and work together to execute the plan. The plan is to take away EVERY thing of his that is not a necessity. Secure it in the garage or a locked shed. If you can afford it, you could even put it in a storage facility.
An extra step you can even take is to buy him some really plain/basic pants and plain polo shirts.
Have a sit-down with him and explain to him that all that nice stuff he had was a form of respect from you. You respected him enough to buy him fun toys to play with, cool clothes to wear, yummy snacks to eat. Now, in your house, you must show respect to earn respect since asking him and grounding him didn't work. If he starts respecting you then he starts earning his posessions back.
He may be defiant for the first few days but after 2-3 days of having absolutely nothing to do after school but homework and eating dinner, he'll probably start doing what he needs to do to earn his stuff back.
Along with giving him his stuff back, give him positive feed back. You can say something like "Wow, I like it when you say please and thank you- you sound more grown up."
If he disrespects you, it all goes back and he starts over again. It won't take him long to learn that it sucks to be disrespected.
Like I said, it will take a lot of effort on your part and may be hard at first but it's better than trying tons of- for lack of a better term- pussyfoot techniques and end up in the same place you are today after a year.
Your son gets away with disrespect because he can. The punishments thusfar haven't been bad enough to make him want to change. If the usual doesn't work, you need to go to an extreme like taking everything away.
2007-03-01 00:01:47 · answer #3 · answered by Erin H 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Negative reinforcement isn't actually effective. You should try taking your son's advice. Be kind and show him some respect. When he starts being disrespectful, cool down yourself and in a calm way let him know that you noticed he is upset. Try to talk it out calmly and acknowledge his feelings. You'll probably have to attempt this a few times before it'll work because at first it is likely he won't trust you.
When you talk calmly be sure to Listen. Also let him know you acknowledge his feelings and are willing to talk things out But he has to stop doing (be specific, stop calling names, change tone of voice) and also say that if he feels he can't do that right now he has the choice to go for a walk around the block (if you allow this) or go to his room and then can talk later if he needs to.
Remember: listen, be calm, use soft tone of voice, don't use condescending voice, and get at his eye level, oh and acknowledge his feelings.
If you try this method (for at least a month) and it doesn't work then you know you have a real problem and can take it from there. Right now it seems you are too set on negative reinforcement.
Also try positive reinforcement. Be sure to acknowledge him when he isn't disrespectful (even if it is something common that he should already be doing). Thank you son for taking in your plate. That was really kind what you said to your mother right now.
EDIT: After reading other comments I felt I needed to add. I did college research on corporal punishment and found that it is not effective and doesn't create real change. In some children it does instill fear and that is why it seemingly works. If you want to prevent problems in the future then instilling fear isn't the way to go. You can look at this research yourself. Just go to your local library and find journals with articles on corporal punishment.
Many said that talking to your child doesn't help. I'm going to venture that these people have either 1. not tried it at all 2. tried but expected immediate change 3. didn't do it right. It really will help and it role models respect. It is true that your child should listen because you are the parent at the same time what is the best way to teach your child respect? To role model it.
Another thing you might try is to take your son to events where he has to be respectful. Maybe cultural events. I am Native American and there are some places where we go with kids and they know they need to show respect. Other kids pick up on it real quick. Some places they have to stand as requested, or let adults and elders eat first, or be silent OR much more difficult tasks. It'd be a fun thing to do as a family and it'd teach respect.
2007-03-01 01:17:28 · answer #4 · answered by RedPower Woman 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I have a 9 year old son. I don't generally hit him, however, when I feel I really need to get his attention. I slap him in the face. Not real hard, just hard enough to get his attention. I use this when he starts yelling or being a smart a@@. As for taking things away, if your are going to do it, do it right. Take the TV, computer, gameboy, radio, bicycle, ect. not the little stuff. May have to take it all. Then have him earn it back one at a time if he can behave for a set amount of time, like after one week of not yelling give him one thing back. take it back immediately if he starts up again. You have to be very consistant or no punishment will work.
2007-02-28 23:24:14 · answer #5 · answered by cane_holder 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I just want to say that I agree with Erin H. When my kid is disrespectful, I send her butt straight to her room. Tantrum? Straight to the room. She only gets attention when she's good. A couple times she has LOST HER MIND, which it sounds like you've experienced as well. I didn't clean out the entire room like Erin suggests, but I went in there with a black Hefty trash bag and started tossing her favorites inside. I told her the same thing - all this stuff is a privelege, because I love and respect you. It's not required by law, I don't owe it to you, and it all belongs to me. You act this way, you lose your stuff.
Some stuff she's gotten back, one situation was so bad she didn't get it back - I drove it to Goodwill with her in the car so she knew I wasn't bluffing. Damned if I'm going to take that stuff from my own kid. I totally understand your frustration.
I hope one us was helpful to you.
2007-03-03 00:34:56 · answer #6 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should try to do an activity that appeals to him. Does he like sports or anything like that? If so, make it a habit to try to participate in those activities with him. How could he disrespect you while you're both having fun doing something?
If you're unable to communicate the way you feel about the way he is acting directly to him, write him a letter and leave it on his bed and explain why you wish he'd act different. Why don't you want to use the belt on him? It can be awkward to talk about this stuff with a young kid, but having a letter he can read in privacy any time may make him realize that you really are trying and do care about him.
2007-02-28 23:23:35 · answer #7 · answered by k_hart100 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are the parent. Act like it.
Using a belt is wrong. Get a ping pong paddle and show it to him. Tell him the next time he disrespects you or your wife, that you will spank him on the bare bottom in front of your wife. You will have to follow up on the promise the next time. One or two times like that and he will not disrespect either of you again. Do not beat him until he is injured but spank only until his bare bottom is really bright pink.
2007-03-01 22:50:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, This is a tough one. I know from experience. If he is talking to you like that at that age he already has no respect for you or any adult authority and it will get worse. Fix it now.Trust me talking grounding ect does not work on a child who is already disrespecting you in that way.You have to put a little fear in him . If not he will never take you seriuosly, Just as he doesn't now.
I'm not saying beat him. Thats redicolous.But he knows your weakness and he has already has previously won all the battles. so he knows how far he can go and what he can get away with and hes using on you. you have to be smarter than the kid..Dont let him win.you have to let him know you are the boss and what you say goes. No Exceptions....let him know you will no longer tolerate this behavior anymore.It's over .Let him know starting A.S.A.P. that he will do nothing .. nothing. no tv,games,phone. nothing until his attitude changes.and mean it. And tell him if lhe dont ike it tough. Let him know what he is in store for any why..If he starts to talk while your talking tell him forcefully to shut up. your talking. Put fear in him.tell him your letting him know this ahead of time so he is aware that he has a choice to stop now and if he dont he knows what to exspect. Be prepared he will test you to see if your serious. Follow through.. Trust me Follow through...when he gets home from school sit him at the table tell him to do his homework. after homework make him do some chores. and after that send him to his room till dinner after dinner, shower go to bed .Make him right , read,ect, while he is in his room. tell hiim he is to think of how is to apologize for the direspect he has shown the both of you and how is going to change his behavior. everyday until he starts to show some respect .Do not give in until you see changes and not in one day. gradually if he is responding. start talikg to him about why it is he must have respect and show respect. so many parents fail to break it down to their children. He's ready..Let him know it's for his own good and you want the best for him. so he can learn & become a good, respectful Man oneday. If he chooses to mouth off you need to get him. and when i say get him i mean spank him. not beat him .spank him and mean it and let him feel it. so he takes you seriuosly and still make him do as you said.Listen i know it' sounds harsh.and not all children need this. When he mouths off be ready.cause you know hes gonna do it. Suprise him whether it is wih you hand or the belt and just spank him a few times without saying anything until your done. now say i said you will not do anything until you show me and your mother respect.and you do as your told. If you do this now and stay consistent. you will not need to use a belt or put up with backtalk and ect.. if you dont watch out.Speaking from experience.It will work if you follow through and if he improves dont let fall back into the same routine. he starts up again remind him of the last time and what he can exspect again..
Good Luck
2007-03-01 00:06:06 · answer #9 · answered by need to know 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd like to recommend an excellent book on the subject - Dare to Discipline by Dr. James Dobson - it will help!!
2007-03-01 08:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by Zabes 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋