Spoiling a child?

Question

What do some of you parents out their think of people that spoil there kids, like when they get in trouble they dont get punished, or when you ask them to do something like clean their room and they throw a fit saying "I am a princess and princess's dont clean rooms" and then the parent makes a sibling clean it instead, Or for christmas the kid has the most gifts under the tree more the her siblings and she cries because its not enough. Im in this situation with my step daughter, her mother and father spoil her rotten and its hard for me to deal with because Im tough on my kids. If they keep going the route they are going with this child what will end up becoming of her as she gets older? She is 7 years old

Answer 1

DEAR
EVEN THOUGH SHE IS NOT YOUR CHILD WHILE LAYING IN THE BED AT NIGHT SAY DARLING WE NEED TO HAVE A REALLY GOOD TALK ABOUT OUR STEP CHILD. TELL HIM NOW DO NOT GET MAD AT ME BUT I HAVE PUT UP WITH ENOUGH OF YOUR DARLING CHILD'S SASSY MOUTH SO HERE IS WHAT YOU AND I ARE GOING TO RE SET THE GROUND RULES FOR YOUR CHILD AND MY STEP CHILD. AND THE PUNISHMENTS GO LIKE THIS FOR ALL CHILDREN ON THE GROWN RULES NEW RULES AS SET OK AND WE STICK TO THEM OK DEAR. (1) SMART MOUTH GETS WASHED OUT WITH DAWN THEN A GOOD OLD FASHION SPANKING THEN PUT ON THERE KNEES IN THE CONNER NOSE TO THE WALL AND ALL THING TAKING AWAY AND THAT IS HOW YOU HANDLE THAT TAKE CARE

Answer 2

Yikes, yea being the step mother, you are in a really rough spot. I think you need to tell your husband, the 7 y/os father, that this behaviour will not be tolerated in your home. and then, have a full talk with ALL the parents involved and tell them your veiws. All 4 of you need to come to an agreement about how this child is going to be raised. But, if the bio mom still refuses, and wants to spoil her child, the only thing you can do, is enforce your rules at YOUR home, and pray for the best.

The child isn't gonna like you, i'm sorry. Kids from divorced families only like the parent that is going to let them get away with the most (oh wait, thats all kids..lol!) But, you need to be the stronger parent and put your foot down.

if shes says soemthing smart like "Princceses dont clean" then you reply "Then I am going to take your crown. Princesses are also respectful and do what the king and queen ask." and you dont back down. She'll cry, and pout, and scream, and say "I HATE YOU!" she doesn't, she just hates cleaning.

Answer 3

If your husband isn't on the same page as you, you might as well pack it in right now. But if he agrees that when she is in your home she treats you with respect and minds or she gets punished by her dad (not you), then what you need to do is make her understand that when she is in your home she is not a princess and she will be treated just like everyone else. Do not let a seven year old control your home. If nothing is changed, she will grow up to have big problems which also translate into big financial costs for you and your husband. She also might end up getting into trouble with drugs and alcohol. If she does that she would be a very bad influence to have around your children. You might want to consider losing your husband if he isn't willing to nip this in the bud right now. She's seven now and the influences she has on your children by the way she acts probably aren't that damaging, but before you know it she will be a teenager and so will your children and the whole thing could blow up in your face. You have a responsibility to your children. That means providing a good example of human behavior. Everything they see influences their lives and how they look at their parents or stepparents. If they see others getting away with disrespecting you, they will try it to some day. Show them now, with your stepdaughter, that kind of behavior is not going to fly with you - ever.

Answer 4

She'll probably end up being a rotten brat with no friends if she keeps acting the way shes acting. Let her know that at your house you are the boss not her, and that she cant get away with the things she does at the other house. She might cry and throw a fit but you have to put your foot down. If the mother or father at the other house dont want to establish some clear ground rules now then theyre going to end up with a rebellious, selfish, uncontrollable teenager.

Answer 5

I was never in this situation and I hope I never will be.

If I were you I'd talk to your husband about it first. Does he understand the situation? That's your first step. Next, you both need to tell your step-daughter that when she is in your house she is expected to help out. Ask her how she would feel if her brothers and sisters did nothing and she had to clean all day. Try to relate to her.

It must be very hard to go from one world to another in just a day. Show her the meaning of hard work. Make sure when she does work to praise her. It's important for her to know that she's a very important part of your family.

If your husband does treat her better then your kids then I'd kick him to the curb--same goes if you treat your kids differently then her. It's important that you are a family NOT split down the middle. Best of Luck.

Answer 6

Nip it in the bud now!!! It might be cute to others at that age, but in a few years, it's going to be the exact opposite of cute. A 10, 11...15 year old... doing that kind of thing is just not cute. Trust me, I'm currently in the middle of watching a shift from cute to not-so-cute when it comes to that kind of stuff.

My suggestion? Sit her down and talk to her like she's a big girl. Go something along the lines of "You're a big girl now, and big girls don't pout or make others clean their room. It's just not cool, and I know you can be a cool girl." And every single time you see her pitch in or not pout about something she normally would have pouted about, praise her. Positive reinforcement! After a little while, you can definitely dwindle down the praises to really big things so she doesn't become dependent on praise... but always thank her at times you would thank someone else who helped out.

And do the other kids a favor.... let them off the hook even if they're told by someone else to clean her room for her.

Answer 7

well i'm an only child and i can personally tell you my parents tried to punish me but never kept on the punishment. when i was four i was being a little brat because i wanted a t.v., they said i could have one, under a condition. i had to pay for it. my parents compromised with me or made bets. like if i cleaned my room i would get a small treat or gift also if i got good grades. i still act like a brat sometimes i admit but only when i get good grades and have stayed out of trouble for a while. i think they've done a great job though. i'v learned to rellie on myself and have learned the value of money.

Answer 8

Children crave structure, and children who are spoiled rotten are in the most need of it. I would say that you should provide her with as much discipline as you can. She may "hate" you for it now, but you are probably the only thing that will save her from being a spoiled, concieted, bad behavioured brat when she gets older.... I can only wish you luck!

Answer 9

We had a similar problem at our house as well. I am very tough and my husband is very lax, especially with discipling. We now treat all of our kids the same in our house, which took a while to get me and my husband in sync with each other which was the actual problem, not the kids. They now know that no matter what goes on at their "other" house, this is what happens here. You need to let them know what is acceptable and what it not, no matter who's kids you are. It might be ok at their other house, but not at yours. We found that giving a short reason why has helped. Kids seem to accept it better if they know why it is not ok and not just tell them "because I said so". Picking up toys was a problem with us. I was tired of picking up their toys because my husband wouldn't help me enforce that they needed to pick them up, especially since I wasn't even the one playing with them. Our kids now know that if you play with it, you have to pick it up. Period! If you don't then you lose the privelidge of getting to play with toys and you have to do something that is less messy, i.e., a book (which is not as much fun to do at times). We now make each child responsible for their actions. They are 4 and have learned that only they can control their actions and while it was hard at first because we didn't do this in the begining, they now have stopped playing the "but I can at my mommy's house" card. When they would say that we would tell them, "When you are at your mommy's house then I don't care, but while you are here you can't because....."

Good luck!

Answer 10

i can talk of my own babies. i became an purely baby, and fairly helpful because of the fact of it. I surely have reminiscences of my mom bringing me my breakfast on a tray each and every morning until now college, and that i might consume it in mattress whilst gazing my well known comic strip. i'm not even kidding. finding returned now, I surely have fun with what a variety heart my mom had (and nevertheless has), yet i'm fairly grateful that i did not become a rotten little tart who expects such lavish scientific care. i desperate to not advance my toddlers that way... not because of the fact i like them any below my mom enjoyed me, yet because of the fact i want them to earnings to treasure specific issues like that extra desirable than i think of I did at their age. They get breakfast in mattress as quickly as a three hundred and sixty 5 days - on their birthday! :p