I've a friend-she very kind,intelligent & a very caring woman.She is vin love with this man for 2 years &He says he loves her too.she has always been there for him as a friend & lover showring him with constant love & care unconditionally.But it seems this man has some serious problems - practically he has never been there for her even as a FRIEND from DAY ONE when she needed him & has ZERO contribution to this relationship.All he had ever done has only to say he loves her very much. He would ask her to email him, show her care for him and she does care for him a lot but she still gets blamed & worse yet he never does the same for her not even when she was terribly ill not even dropping a few lines for mere courtesy. This man is EXTREMELY Arrogant and has an INCURABLE and IRRATIONAL Stubbornness.needless to say he is a control freak too.But he never admits or recognizes his own problems but blames my friend for everything.And it hurts.To make it even worst my friend found Him .....
2007-02-28 13:50:26 · 15 answers · asked by SpiderQbeck 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
…Flirting with women online and some're a bit too sexually explicit to be called close enough to cybersex. So as normal in a love relationship my friend felt betrayed.
BUT THIS MAN FEELS IT’S COOL & SINCE IT’S ONLY ON THE NET AND DOESN’T GO BEYOND THAT SO IT’S HARMLESS!!! AND EVEN WHEN HE KNOWS MY FRIEND FEELS BETRAYED STILL HE CONTINUES TO DO THIS. Does this shows the kind of RESEPECT a relationship should have ??? BUT HE GETS TERRIBLY JEALOUS IF MY FRIEND IS JUST A BIT FRIENDLY WITH SOME GUY. DON’T YOU THINK IT’S WEIRD??
2007-02-28 13:52:14 · update #1
And not only that but He has somehow constantly caused EMOTIONAL ABUSE to her. And that angers me a big time Because she is more like a Sister to me and I consider her a Family. This Dude is still telling he loves her and would like to marry her. And I’m Extremely Concerned and frustrated because I think my Sis still might have feelings for him. Though she is terribly hurt & concerned too but she still feels probably she is still in love him. Do YOU really think it’s actually possible to love someone after enduring such behaviour and wounds?? Do you think she is being WISE and PRACTICAL here?? We all have been trying to explain to her but now we don’t know what to do??
DO YOU THINK IF SHE GETS MARRIED TO THIS MAN THIS MARRIAGE WOULD LAST?? Do you think she should ignore all these warning signs and just blindly follow her heart ???
I need a SECOND OPINION and all your suggestions so that I could help her out with this EMOTIONAL DILEMMA. Thanks All…
2007-02-28 13:53:29 · update #2
i wouldnt say its "weird" ..its actually quite common.. i have dated a guy like that before. she obviously fell in love with the person that he pretended to be in the beginning and he obviously has some issues within himself that he needs to resolve before being with anyone in a relationship. he is seeking attention online and blames everything on your friend to make himself feel better. the same happened with the ex i am referring to. he would always blame me for everything - whether i was right or wrong.. would get EXTREMELY jealous and angry when i would even acknowledge another guy's presence, but at the same time would do whatever he pleased. it is quite obvious that this guy is a self-centered jerk. the only thing that you can really do is let your friend know how you see things from the outside and talk to her and try to get her to tell you how she sees things from the inside. having experienced a similar situation, my guess is that she wont take your advice to break things off with him right away.. as i never listened to my friends either although they ended up being right in the end.. girls in these relationships have fallen for the person they first met when the relationship first began and was good.. that short period of time that he pretended to be someone that he truly isnt. let your friend know that there are PLENTY of guys who would LOVE to treat her like a princess and shower her with love and affection and carry their weight in the relationship. she shouldnt settle. she should cut her losses now before things get worse and she becomes even more attached. and once she leaves him if he somehow DOES really care about her, he will change and prove that to her and then she can make a clear-minded decision after seeing things from your point of view. then again she may find the love of her life before he has a chance to do so.. his loss, not hers.
2007-02-28 14:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by annie pearl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the guy sounds like a jerk, your friend sounds like she's got insecurity issues and that's why she's putting up with his nonsense...being devoted doesn't just mean your faithful when in sight and on mind, it's the whole picture...if jerko gets upset when his gf is talking to another guy, that means he's insecure and he's getting uptight coz he's feeling threatened and will say : i'm being disrespected..well, hon, it works both ways!!! bling bling bling! either you stop putting expectations on someone else if you can't bide your end or let her do what you're doing..well in this case, i am referring to this guy...
if he's arrogant and a pompous ***, then he will be blamin others and playing the victim card...she's gotta get out while she can, he's doing her a favor: letting her go so she can move onto someone that will appreciate her and take care of her and love her!
2007-02-28 21:58:35 · answer #2 · answered by ria k 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs her confidence restored. I bet the only reason why she is with this man is because she feels she is not worthy of anyone better. Show her all that she has to offer and help empower her to gain the self worth to leave this man. It will only end badly and I don't think your friend should continue with someone that is controlling and manipulative.
2007-02-28 21:56:38 · answer #3 · answered by edie t 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if hes a control freak, the symptoms hes showing with your friend about not caring and not showing he loves her its an illness. not just being stubborn, his illness does not allow him. until he gets help he will not be able to show anyone his emotions. people like him are like that because of past experiences or traumas. help this person get professional help...try to make him see what he is doign without blaming him directly.
"[mans name] how awesome is it to have a girl like [your friends name]. she cares a lot you know. she even does [action] for you! what'd you do for her back?"- if you were to tell him this or put someone up to tell him eventually he will see what he is doing..and with professional help he can change.
GOOD LUCK!
2007-02-28 21:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by GBS10 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your friend. He's a control freak. I am certain she is kind, but she is too pleasing which could lead me to believe she has self-confidence issues.
It is not an ok relationship but is common. As a friend, just boost her confidence, don't advise too much, and be a good ear to her when she needs you. She may get the picture that where she is, is not healthy for her.
2007-02-28 21:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by ami 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Haha... I think you should intro her to me. I m still single for god sake. Anyway, this relationship ain't going far. As a guy myself, that fellow is a utterly disgrace to me. I strongly suggest that your gal friend stop seeing that "boyfriend" as in stopping each other forever. Even if bum into each other on the street, do not call him. Now let analys his mind, i dun think he is looking for a true relationship. He is just out for fun. And your friend is someone who in this case willingly to let him "play". That fellow practically dun love or like your friend. You know humans are like that when there is free one just take. asking your friend to email him etc maybe to show off to his other friends that he is very pop among others. This type of guy is no good...
I have got a friend, her husband and her husband's family is really bad, i listen to her story till i really drop tears.... i m serious..!!! Now they are seperated.. If i know her three yr ago.. i dun think she would even marry to this guy or even date with this guy. If you or your friend wan to hear her story email me.
All in all, your friend should really get over with this guy. Never contact him again.
2007-02-28 22:07:55 · answer #6 · answered by soonkueysoon 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think both of you know the answer. This will never be a functional, loving relationship if SHE isn't comfortable with his behavior. It sounds like he doesn't respect her and they haven't set agreeable boundaries in their relationship.
Not to take sides, but she is allowing this behavior to continue & he's going to keep taking from her. He's found the Perfect girl for himself. He doesn't need to reciprocate the love she's yearning for and he never will. She needs to find someone who makes her happy and can respect her needs and desires. NOT someone who's going to suck her emotional well dry.
That's my take. Sorry if its blunt, but this relationship WILL NOT get better with marriage...by that time she'll be "trained" to do exactly what he wants and expect nothing in return.
2007-02-28 21:59:50 · answer #7 · answered by shelby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should really encourage your friend to get away from this clown before she gets hurt. This kind of controlling, one-sided relationship very often becomes physically violent when the dominant person doesn't get their way. Get her out of there!
2007-02-28 21:58:54 · answer #8 · answered by dathinman8 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she should leave him out in the cold.
what a moron, doing that to her.
yes, its weird.
her loving isnt bad, even arrogant jerks need to be loved.
but there is a point where you have to say..
am i going to stay here and get walked on?
continue to let my heart take a beating?
or am i going to find somebody who will love me in return?
2007-02-28 21:55:08 · answer #9 · answered by ninjah_jamie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
definately not. The relationship will unfortunately probably end violntly and i hate to see that happen....
2007-02-28 21:53:24 · answer #10 · answered by pdaj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋