Mother in law problem?

Question

My mother in law is one of kind, let me start off by saying that. In the past 5 yrs she has stoled money, clothes and other things off of me. Held drug deals in my driveway. Been in prision for drugs. Went to jail for domestic abuse. Lies. Puts my husband down when he doesn't jump when she wants him too. Called my 15yr old a "not so nice name" (he is my son from my 1st marriage, not her grandson) She drinks all the time and smokes pot. ect.ect.ect. I think you get the picture !!! And ALWAYS wants money from us! Tells my husband that it is none of my business when she askes him for money and he shouldn't even tell me but he does.
Well here are the problems I face. No matter what, she is my husbands mother. I want NOTHING to do with her and I don't want our 3 yr old around her either. He still wants me to try to work things out because she has "problems" and I should forgive her. I cant because every time I try, she hurt my husband again or my family. What should I do?

Not to mention I dont want my children around people like her. She is NOT a mother or a grandmother in my eyes and I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her but if I never seen her again it would be TOO soon. This is causing problems in my marriage.

She has gotten psch. help and states she is better, but I see no signs of it.

Answer 1

I feel maybe your husband has been so used to enabling his mother and her bad habits that he has lost sight of what is right and wrong. It is your job as a wife to remind him where his priorities should lie. Bottom line is her criminal activity is putting your kids in harm's way. As a mother, your first responsibility is ensuring that your kids are not exposed to your mother-in-law's activities and bad influence. Remember that your kids are seeing all this and maybe thinking this behavior is ok.

She maybe your husband's mother but you are his wife. It's your house... you should not allow her to bully you or your 15 year old son in your own home. Let your husband and his mother know she will not be welcome in your house until she learns to show respect to the people that live there. To impress upon your husband how serious you are about this, tell him the next time she comes over, she will be denied entrance. If she insists on coming in, you will be calling the police.

This situation can only get worse if you don't put your foot down and force your husband to get tough with his mother. Tell him that financing her drug habit is not the way to help her. Maybe if she looses her apron strings a little, she will realize how badly she is behaving. Assure him that when your mother-in-law has shown a genuine effort to change, you might be open to receiving her in your house again. But until then, she should not be around you or your kids. By the way, your husband wants you to forgive her... has she ever said she was sorry?

Answer 2

Sweetie, what mother WOULD want her children around a lieing, theiving, drug dealing, abusive (apparently physically and verbally), alcoholic, pot smoking, criminally convicted leech????? It is MOST CERTAINLY your business when she asks your husband for money. . . . . . . ever hear of community property? Ever hear that a man shall leave his mother and father and cling unto his wife?

You're right ---- she is your husband's mother, but YOU are the mother of two children. It is your responsibility to keep them away from anyone who does not set the proper example.

Maybe what you need to do is try to get some help from, or a commitment to a rehab facility. Your husband could probably benefit from some counseling, too, to help him understand that he wouldn't be abandoning his mother, rather he would be supporting his family.

Maybe your husband would appreciate you "putting your foot down" and insiting that you move and not leave a forwarding address. It doesn't have to be far, just change locations so that she doesn't know where you are.

Good luck! I've got a doozie of mother-in-law, too (I'm married to her only child). She's addicted to prescription pain killers, and she nor her doctor either one will admit it. For the past 30 years, I've never known if the nest time I saw her, I was going to that be that *%$#^ that stole her son, or the precious "daughter" they never had.

It's nerve racking, I know. Just let your husband know how you feel, and try to get him to share his feelings with you. Together, the two of you should be able to work out a solution. God Bless!

Answer 3

Sorry, but forgiveness doesn't mean you enable their habit by giving them money. Drug users tend to sponge off of family to support habits. Mother or not, your husband might as well go out and buy the drugs for her himself. Go to a drug abuse clinic and ask them for information on how family enables a drug user's habit. Give it to your husband. He will get mad at that to, but if he really loves her and you too, he will see that he is just as much at fault as his mother is for her habit. She dislikes you and your son because she knows you can see right through her. As far as what to do, if your husband doesn't want to listen to reason then he has already chosen his mother and her habit over his commitment to you as a wife. A drug abuser will bring anyone that is around them down into the gutter with them. Lives and financial futures have been destroyed that way. If you can't get your husband to concentrate on putting your lives and marriage back on track, then you must find a life on your own. His mother has made her own choices and she will not correct her own life until she hits rock bottom and decides to fix things on her own. Good Luck.

Answer 4

First of all, your husband needs to grow some balls. You need to make it very clear to him that his mother is wrecking your marriage and HE IS ALLOWING IT.

If I were you I would put NO effort into any kind of relationship with her. She is a horrible waste of life and your children definitely should not be around her or anyone else who shares those traits.

You need to make it very clear that you want nothing to do with this woman and if she wants to see the grandkids at least let her see them when another adult is present. You don't need to forgive her for anything and if your husband can't understand this then maybe you need to tell him "Is it me or your mother?". I don't believe in ultimadums but this is ridiculous. Your husband married YOU and YOU are the one he should support. His mother is a total loser!

My husbands mother is a weirdo too and my husband TOTALLY stands by me.

Answer 5

Grandmother or mother will always be a mother and one cannot keep children away because of her problem. Just be with the kids when they are around her to make sure everything is okay. Another thing one can do is seek counseling for her before things really gets bad.

Answer 6

your husband needs to realise that his mother is not a good role model for your children, maybe he is used to her abusive ways but that doesnt mean you have to put up with it, i undrestand he loves her and is worried about her behaviour, but he needs to think about his own family first. maybe your husband should try to convince his mother to seek help and then when or if she refuses it may be easier for him to see what a lost cause it is good luck

Answer 7

She needs to grow up and you should set her straight. If your hubby gets mad, set him straight too.

Answer 8

put her long distance from your family