okay....What should I do about my mom?&her drinking when she visits during the birth of our 2nd son?

Question

Im 27weeks preg &already stressing bout having mom in delivery room &/or at home 1st week babys here bc of her drinking. Mom drinks early as10am &doens't stop til she goes 2sleep(wen shes not working)drinking makes her lazy &ofcourse VERY unhelpful. I do believe shes alcoholic &have told her many times. She says when she comes here shes on Vacation. We live 700miles apart so technically she is,But it still upsets me vry much.
I have a 3 year old &1 on the way.I have told her that I don't want her drinking or drunk early in the morning, incase I go into labor early &she needs to watch my 3yr old. I told her I cant have her watch him if shes drunk(this is a time I need her 2really help me out) she says she can have a few beers& that Im being selfish. I want my mom here for my delivery &baby but dnt know wat 2do? Should I just suck it up since its only for 1week cause I really love my mom &want her here. Its not that Im against drinking jus that its not appropriate during this time.

Answer 1

Your mother is an alcoholic. But you already know that. She is not going to stay sober during her "vacation" just because you asked her to. If anything she will sneak it (thinking you won't notice). I would give her one chance. If she blows it, send her home immediately but with a hug and kiss. Tell her you love her but you cannot have that in your life right now. Stand firm. And make other arrangements for the care of your 3 year old.

Answer 2

Think about it.....If you feel your mom is an alcoholic, then do you really want to leave your child in her care? These are YOUR children and she is coming to YOUR house. If she cannot respect your wishes and give up the bottle for a few days to be with her grandchildren and help you out, then the bottle is obviously more important to her than the well-being of her grand kids. I totally understand that you want your mom there with you, but you have a responsibility to your children. You are not being selfish by looking after your kids. She is the one being selfish. You need to give her an ultimatum...either she leaves the booze at home or she doesn't come. I know that would be hard, but you cannot trust a drunk to care for kids. What if you did just suck it up for a week and let her have her way and something happened to your 3 year old while she was drunk on her ***?? What then??? If you just absolutely have to have your mom there, then I would arrange for someone else to be the babysitter, maybe a sister or sister-in-law or friend that could be there with your mom and child at all times. That way, your mom isn't left alone with your child while she is drinking. Frankly, I think it's very sad that your mom isn't willing to leave to bottle at home for a few days to be 100% for you and the kids. But, you know, maybe your mom needs a wake up call. If she has to miss the birth of your child because she can't put the bottle down, maybe she'll realize she needs to get help. It's called tough love. It's a shame though that a daughter has to do it to her mom. But, you have a responsibility to your children. They come before your mother's feelings do. I wish you the best and hope it works out for you all. Congrats!!

Answer 3

You are right, your mother is an alcoholic. She needs to get help as soon as possible. Your children deserve to have a healthy Grandma. Since your mother said you are being selfish about her drinking, that tells me she don't have no respect for you or the children. I would tell her that she needs to get help for her drinking before she can come see the birth of the baby. It is your right to have her at the birth or not. If you want her to come no matter what, then you need to have somebody as a back up that can watch your 3 year old. Do you have an Aunt that can come over when you need her? Or even a friend. Do you have a husband? You need to have a responsible person there with your mother.

Answer 4

I used to have this problem and I really had to give my mom a rude awakening in order for her to take control of her life. It hurt me to do this, but I told my mom that she could not baby sit or be alone with any of my kids until she stopped drinking. She could drink on her time but not around my kids. My mom yelled and "disowned" me for a while. But I didn't give in. When my daughter was 6 months, my mom told me that she would limit her drinking if I let her see my daughter. It started as a hour and now as my daughter is almost 3 my mom is allowed to have over night visits if my daughter wants to stay and if my step-dad is there to supervise my mom. It's been a long journey, but I knew that I was doing the right thing. My mom will now call me to pick up my kids if she "needs" a drink and I respect that because I know that she's gone a while without one. My therapist recommended a book to me that you should read it's by ACAP _ Adult children of alcoholic parents.

Answer 5

Tell her to sober up or miss out.

You are actually endangering the life of your 3 yr old, if you leave him in the care of a drunk. Organise some friends to care for him when the time comes.

You have enough on your plate without having this extra stress. SOmetimes the tough love approach is needed, your mom might need the push to come clean or accept her addiction and get help. There is no consequence for her actions at the moment, so there is no real need for her to face her demons.

A shape up or miss out approach might be enough to force her into getting help.

You really don't want her present at the birth if she stresses you, you need to be able to focus on yourself and the new baby.

If you have trouble finding reliable friends to care for your other child, try calling the red cross. They have volunteers they put you in touch with who are caring people, that have been screened, that will come to help.

Good luck.

Answer 6

My kids, my rules:
NO DRINKING OR DRUGS AROUND MY CHILDREN. Simple.
My mother is also an alcoholic and I told her and the rest of my family ( who also indulge in drink more often than I think appropriate) that if they wanted to see or be near my children no drinking. If my Mum babysits she knows that she has to remain sober and her boyfriend isnt allowed over as he is also an alcoholic and refuses to not drink.
My mother never had a problem with this, as she also wanted to be sober around my kids.
Dont just suck it up as she may think she is in control when she drinks but she isnt. And that is putting your child at risk.
Just sit down and talk to her and if she isnt able to comply then dont let her come over. You may have to find someone else to watch your son or just take him into the delivery room if you have to. But most hospitals have a child care facility, so you could leave him in there. Do you have trust worthy neighbours or friends. That wouldnt mind watching him?
I know its hard but you have to do what is best for your kids.
If you want to email me to share or talk feel free.

Answer 7

you are absolutely right, this is not a time for your mother or anyone else to be drinking/drunk. this is your special time and a special time for your family, and you need to tell your mother that she cannot drink when she comes to visit you, she cannot drink while staying at your house or taking care of your children. just imagine what would happen if she had "only one" and something terrible happened, how would that make her feel??how would that make you feel?? it won't kill her to drink non-alcohol beverages for a few days while visiting, and if she refuses this, then she certainly doesn't have your or your families interest at heart. just be strong and certain about yourself when you talk to her about this, don't forget, you are a mother with children to protect...and it doesn't sound like she has the welfare of your family first, it sounds like she has put herself first. good luck with everything and i hope you have a safe delivery and a healthy baby. congratulations.

Answer 8

Our society gets all mixed up about drinking, definitions of alcoholism, etc. so here's another way to think about it: What if your Mom insisted on putting your kids on the luggage rack on top of your car when she drove them anywhere, and she said it was because she wanted it quiet in the car while she was on vacation, and that she'd drive slow enough that they'd be fine. Would you let her because you love her? Obviously no. You are endangering your children leaving them in the care of an intoxicated person. You can not do it. Whether you want her around at all is up to you but you can not place your children under her drunken care. When you think about allowing it, picture yourself helping her hoist your kids onto the top of your car and then watching while they drive away.

Answer 9

Your mom is the only being egocentric in this occasion! you have each and every stunning to go with your new child to be in a secure SOBER difficulty! do no longer suck it up, in the experience that your mom would be unable to stop ingesting for a week mutually as she is round her grandchildren than i could tell her to no longer worry coming in any respect! you do no longer could desire to be under pressure approximately something like that, you have adequate on your plate stunning now! i in my view desire which you have a good pal that could assist you to out after your infant is born! better of success and Congratulations on your being pregnant.

Answer 10

I KNOW A GUY WHO IS AN ALCHOHOLIC...IN JANUARY HE HAD BEEN DRINKING, OF COURSE, AND WAS DRUNK. HE HAD HIS 17 MONTHS OLD DAUGHTER IN THE BATHTUB AND LEFT HER ALONE TO GO TO THE FRIDGE FOR ANOTHER BEER. SHE HAD DROWNED BY THE TIME HE GOT BACK. CHILDREN AND ALCHOHOL DONT MIX WELL. IT IMPARES YOUR JUDGEMENT AND REFLEXES. IF IT WERE MY CHILD I WOULD NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN'T CONTROL THEIR DRINKING ONCE THEY START...