i can;t get over my past. i need help.?

Question

myt father used to beat me and he was verbally abusive. he would always tell me i was worthless and i had no future. i just can't seem to get over that. i haven't spoken to him in almost 2 years. i'm scared to let him back into my life because i don't want to get hurt but i miss my dad and i want my unborn child to have their grandfather in their life. what do i do?

Answer 1

There are no schools for parents and many people are not equipped to discipline children properly. Your father is one of those people. In spite of the past, you want him in your life so there was love present. FORGIVENESS is a Blessing. Write your father a letter, tell him how memories of your childhood have been hurtful but that you forgive him and love him. Tell him you are carrying his grandchild and wish for him to be a part of the child's life. Then wait for him to call. Did you know that ellen Degeneres was sexually abused by a stepfather and her mother believed the guy and not Ellen? But look at how forgiveness has brought the mom and daughter so close now!! Oprah was abused several times but she forgave and loves her father intensely. Carrying hate and hurt only gives YOU heartache. If you sit and brrod, the other person doesn't feel a thing. It is all inside you and your heart and your mind. If you release and forgive, your heart is healed. No one ever forgets pain. But we can use bad behaviour and abuse to remind us not to do this to our own children. Use it as a lesson for the future. I hope you will write the letter and mend the wounds. God Bless.

Answer 2

Hey! well I know what it's like to be abused verbally and it brain washes you big time not by my father but I was with the father of my children for 11 years and it was hell but I'm not with him anymore and I'm getting over the **** he put in my head, the best thing you can do is try and let go of your past, you know your a great person and the things that he said were nothing but lies, you have been away from him 2 years now, I hope you gave yourself sometime to recover you need to know that you are a good person no matter who says what.

And you have a child now and yes you want your father to be in your lives awesome but your a mother and if he ever comes at you or your child with anything ugly to say you just give him a piece of your mind and let him know your not putting up with that talk and if he wants to be around you he needs to respect you and your family.

I hope the best for you.

Answer 3

You just described the relationship I have with my mother. I gave her 20 years to change her abusive behavior. I would do what you did, go 2 or 3 years with no contact but it always went back to the abuse. I was in therapy and finally I just had to move away and cut her out of my life completely so I could be happy and not feel like a worthless piece of crap. I was very close to my dad. He was my best friend. He died almost six years ago and I miss him and cry everyday. Save yourself from more trauma. Stay away from the abuse. You don't want your child to go through that.

Answer 4

People only change if they want to..Do you think your dad would make a good grandfather?
I think you should accept him this way and wait till he comes back to you truly sorry and different other wise he may hurt you again and this time even your baby...I would just move on, there's nothing you can do for him, I know that it must be hard for you but lifes taking something bad away from you same time giving you something precious...

I am wishing you strength and hapiness..

Answer 5

Maybe this isn't the right answer for you, but being a Grandfather 14 times, I care for my Grand-Children, alot more than money. My oldest Grand-son is a Marine in Iraq, and my youngest Grand-Daughter is only 4 months old. The Lord has Blessed me in my old age, more then I could ever imagine. I am a total believer in Prayer, get down, talk straight from the heart prayer. It works. God Bless !!

Answer 6

You need to heal, because you are not doing any better than you did when all this was happening.. You need to seek some help. Now you have a child to raise and you have to let go of the things you can not change. You past is just that... The past... Deal with it... You are going to have to forgive him, but you and I both know you will never forget. But in order to heal you have to deal with the issue first hand. Tell your father how you feel about what he did.Tell him that you are willing to give him another chance, but you need for him to get help with his behavior

Answer 7

And why would you want such an abusive man in your child's life? He is just going to do the same thing to him/her as he did to you. We can not pick our parents or change our childhood, but we can learn from them and it in what NOT to do. It is more important that the child has a father in his/her life than a grandpa. You did marry a good man to be the father of your baby right?

Answer 8

You know I've actually gone through the same situation where my father is the exact way. I don't have any children but I would love my children to meet their grandfather. You know they say that grandparents are very different with their grandchildren.
If you're scared that he might treat your child the same way he treated you then that's something you need to ask yourself, do you want this for your child.
I truely believe you should let him in again, see where things go.

Answer 9

I can say I know what this is like because I was told the same thing, but as time went on, I proved him wrong and I bettered myself in the ways that I said I would never be able to do. You may want your child to know his grandfather, but it shouldn't have be at your expense. Talk to him and make sure that he is putting up every effort to make amends for what he has done and that he will do anything to see his grandchild and daughter with the best light reflected on him.

Answer 10

Get into councelling for one. Abuse isn't something that you can just "get over." It takes a lot of effort and time. As for letting him into your life, that's only something you can decide. Personally though, if someone hurt me that badly, having them in my life would only serve as a constant reminder of the abuse.