Parents, I was wondering....?

Question

I am just curious to see if you are the kind of parent that you wanted to be when you were younger and dreaming of a family? What are some of your family values that you planned that you kept, and which ones didn't work out like you wanted. Long answers are appreciated as I really want to know. Thanks :)

Answer 1

I always wanted to be a fun mum, and I am. My son is only 12 months, but we have so much fun. I hate it when it rains because we have to stay in and not explore the world!

Also I wanted to make sure my kids had a balanced diet, and so far he is. Don't get me wrong, he is allowed sweets and biscuits, but not everyday. I use them as a treat.

Answer 2

My Mother walked out when I was 3 and never wanted any contact with us, my Father was trying to raise 3 children and hold down a job and as a result never had any time for us. When I was young I didn't really understand and didn't have a very good relationship with him, I swore when I had children I would be the complete opposite and be a fun loving, easy going, level headed Mum. I wanted to wait hand and foot on my kids and do anything for them and anything they wanted.

Then I got with my current partner and my Father died and since then (nearly 6 years) I have come to understand it's wasn't my Father's fault.

My partner's Mother is the Mother that I wanted to be and I've seen how it can effect children. My partner has a twin brother who's 25 and can't do a thing for himself, he still lives at home and thinks that paying £30 a week rent constitutes him doing nothing in the way of housework and cooking for himself, even washing his own clothes and cleaning his own bedroom, he won't even talk to anyone outside of the family circle (only the immediate) and if he needs to buy something in a shop his has to ask someone else to do it or if he needs to make a phone call again he asks his Mum or someone to do it for him, If he drops something on the floor there it stays until his Mum clears it up, to me he's just plain disrespectful but as my boyfriend has pointed out it's not really his fault, it's how they were all brought up. My partner has 2 sisters who again have no idea of how to look after themselves and both never want to move out. The younger one is so clueless that she still needs help washing and dressing and unfortunately is being picked on at school, she's nearly 14. Now that I have seen things from both sides I know that there's a fine line between the two.

I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant with my first child so I have no experience of how I actually will end up being but I'm hoping I'll mix up a bit of how my Father was and how my partners Mum is.

Answer 3

I was raised in a 2-parent home with a mom who stayed home and a dad who worked. I have a business I run, and it kept me busy, then I had my son and stayed home with him full-time or worked from home until he was 18 months. He passed away two years ago 3 months before he turned 2, after his babysitter left him alone in the tub while my husband and I were out. You never plan on that or even expect it; it's every mother's worst fear and I never imagined I would ever go through something so horriffic. If i am blessed with another child someday, I will definitely spend more time with him or her instead of working on my career so much. I feel like I was a good mother to my son and I know he knew how much I loved him and I really don't have any regrets, except I really wish I hadn't worked so much those past few months he was alive. With my next children, I will be home full-time with them. I think it's so important to cherish your children and not pass them off to other people while you pursue worldly things, because you never really know how long you'll have them. I would give everything I have and have worked for up in a second if it meant my baby boy were back with us again.

Answer 4

I'm nothing like the "cool" parent I wanted to be when I was a younger girl. I used to hate it when other kids were allowed to go out and do whatever they wanted but my mother wouldn't let me. Low and behold it was because she cared that I didn't get into trouble and she cared enough not to care if I liked her or not. My parents always treated me with the utmost respect even though I didn't think they did. My parents always trusted my sister and I unless we did something that broke her trust.

My parents were NOT what I wanted to become. Back when I was younger I wanted to be the parent throwing wild parties for my kids and letting them do whatever they wanted. I now realize that being a parent isn't about being friends--you cannot be your child's best friend and their parent. I realize it's good to discipline children. I've taken on the attitude that it's okay if my kids dislike me as long as I'm doing my best.

It sound weird but that's the only way I could explain it. I'm now a parent that I can be proud of. My kids don't dislike me now but I'm sure they might when they are older and I do say no to drinking, drugs, and sex. I think my idea of a “cool” parent has changed--maybe not to be overprotective but to protect my children as much as I can. Great question!

Answer 5

Yep, the only thing I wanted to be different (or thought would be) is more energy to do everything I want to with my kids. I also thought I could be super career mom, and never worry, but....I am too scared to return to work, afraid I can't balance a legal career and be the mom I want to be. But other than that I pretty much think I'm the mom I wanted to be. As far as family values I think I'm probaby more "strict" in that area than I thought I would be. I don't allow any drinking around my children, no alcohol even in my home. I'm trying to teach my children about ALL religions not just the ones I'm familiar with, my children are "required" to say ma'am, sir, please and thank you. I never thought much of doing those type of things before I had kids.

Answer 6

I am finding that in some ways I have turned into my mom. I think I yell more than I should, not that it works. But I am also finding that what my mom did with my sibs and me does not work with my kids! I have taught my kids to believe in Jesus and to say their prayers. I have taught them about Santa Claus and let them watch Sesame Street. I wasn't going to get involved with Dora the Explorer, but what do you do...especially when the little toddler is imitating the Spanish....well, we watch Dora. However, we don't watch Barney!haha.
Pretty much all of the values that are really important to my husband and I we have kept. We are religious and patriotic. Our son has been taught to respect police, soldiers and firefighters. And our daughter too. We had taught her about how wonderful pink is and she likes to be a feminine princess. The boy likes "boy stuff" and the girl likes "girl stuff". As they grow, I intend to teach them how to cook and clean. And how to be a good mommy and a good daddy. I actually am surprised at how much they love to learn and how empty my life was before they were born. Parenting is nothing like babysitting. It is more of everything. And I am so blessed to be able to do it.

Answer 7

well im 23 and am a mum to a 3 year old. i never really wanted children because i knew early on that i wasnt very maternal.but my beautiful son was born and i found it very hard at first.i had hoped it would be easy because other mums made it look like it was...but it isnt.anyway i have lots of fun with my 3 years old and he makes me laugh everyday with his silly ways. i never knew how stressed i was going to be though.i hold down a full time job aswell and sometimes find it difficult to fit in the simplist things.but i wouldnt ever change anything,although i dont think i have anymore until i am financially stable and who knows when that will be?and i also hope to be there a lot more when my son is older instead of just trying to pay the bills.still though, i wouldnt change one single thing or do anything differently

Answer 8

My mother was very strict, I was grounded alot during high school...I swore I'd be a "cool" parent, the lenient kind who'd let my kids do whatever they wanted, w/no curfews, etc... well as I've grown and matured, I waited until I was 31 to have a child I realized that I was a complete idiot as a kid, who deserved to be punished and still got away w/way more than I'd want my kid to. I partied like a rock star and I thank GOD today that I lived to see my 18th birthday... so I have turned into my mother's clone times two...I look back and think, "she let me do that... oh not my son"...LOL... so no...I didn't turn out to be the parent I thought I'd be, I turned out to be just like the best parent I know how to be for the protection of my son and my family.

Answer 9

I wanted never to have children, on the basis that my own childhood, after my mother died and then particularly after my father remarried, had some pretty horrific elements to it and I was too scared I'd turn into my stepmother. As it turned out I have a child, not planned but very wanted. And I haven't turned into my stepmother. I've instinctively borrowed from lots of influences - mothers I've known who've been good at the job, my own mother, my father, ok....and even my stepmother did have some half-decent ideas. My daughter is well-mannered, polite, gracious, intelligent, confident and loved by everyone who meets her. She was born good, and born lovable, I just think the people around her have allowed her to 'grow into herself' - no-one has made her this way. I could not be more proud of her than I am.

Answer 10

I wanted to be a proactive parent, one that did things and encouraged them to do things. I wanted them to grow up confident and responsible. It's hard to remember now because I've been a parent for nearly 20 years. I didn't want to give them too many restrictions in their lives. I wanted them to be able to make their own choices and get them right.

Mostly I think it's worked out well. They are both very capable young women now. They're memories of being young are that we did lots of creative things together and they didn't spend hours sat in front of the TV.

The hardest part is sticking by my "hands off" style of parenting when they make a choice which I think is a huge mistake. My eldest daughter for example getting tatoo on her stomach and moving in with a boyfriend who she's only been seeing a couple of months who I really believe is just a rebound relationship. But you can't make decisions for them. Everybody has a right to mess up as much as they want.