How do you teach a stubborn child?

Question

My son just turned four, and a he's little behind the curve. he's had hearing problems, a surgery, and a whole lot of coddling.
I've been trying to do flash cards with him using the disney learning series for ages 3 and up. I've been focusing on colors and shapes because that's where he's lacking.
He'll make an effort on the first two or three. Then he just stares at them blankly, and says "i dunno". He'll say "you do it, mommy". from that point on he has no interest.
I wind up irritated and frustrated. So, rather than get angry, I give up. Then, he wins, and off he goes, doing whatever he pleases. Thus no learning gets done.
How can I get him to engage without tearing my hair out? How can I get him to learn what I'm trying to teach him?

I'm bi-polar, and "regulated" with medication. So, I am prone to get nervous and high strung, even some temper from time to time. Sometimes we both have a hard time focusing too.

We really do need your help.

I will report rudeness

addressing "findyourbliss" and "hot chick 25"
i have the same question (identical posting) open in the "pregnancy & parenting" directory, under the "toddler & preschooler" subheading. you can get it through my profile most easily.

if either one of you would be willing to go there and just answer with "boo" or something silly, that would be great. the two of you have given me the best answers i've gotten, and i'd like to see the points go accordingly.

i only got one answer on the other page. and he thought that one hour a day is "keeping it simple".
frankly, i'd rather shoot myself in the foot than give him best answer.

i'll often post the same question in as many sub-directories as applicable to ensure the broadest reach of relevant input. it just makes sense to me to be thorough.

let me expand here a little, he has a few computer games that are character associated like bob the builder, curious george, and muppet babies, etc... he does play them, ad nausium. he can bury his head in a screen, no sweat... it's the interpersonal and cooperative structured things that i'm having a problem with.
we do play dough, we have a chalk board, and the crayola color magic stuff. all that does no good if he refuses to acknowlege colors (mostly) and shapes!
i was looking for specific ideas that go beyond the conventional and also tips to evade the frustrations that go with some very specific territory.

addressing "findyourbliss" and "hot chick 25" - again

i did the tv off thing and the one thing at a time idea, IT WORKED! i stopped him from multi tasking and his attention improved! he even wanted to play the same game twice in a row! I was floored!

i've come up with a small beginner's shopping list and will be going to gather supplies when my husband gets home from work tonight.
he really does love making cookies with me, so i'm going to take the sugar cookie idea and run with it too.

thanx guys!!!

Answer 1

I had a child as well that has a lot of attention issues. There are several routes to go, depending on your child's personality and yours. Here are a couple Ideas.

Start slow, then build from that, Give the 2 of you little Goals to accomplish. Remember kids Love to do good and it will help you feel like you've gotten somewhere with him releaving your stress a little. Set a small time goal then Try to increase the amount of time you are trying to teach him information by 10 minutes once he reaches the goal you've set. For Example set a goal of sitting with you for 15 minutes to do an activity, once he gets used to that amount of time, increase it. You also might want to start lower than 15 minutes and then go up the next day by 5 minutes depending on his attention span and your frustration.
This should give you a sense of hope that you can really help him learn because it's progress. Nobody can magically teach a child everything in one week, so give him time to get used to the routine. It really can be hard but the trick is to not give up.
I have the same issue, I get Frustrated then I'm just done for the day. But by setting Little goals we both feel better and it makes my child willing to make the effort to see if they can reach the next days little goal.

Reward them once they hit the goal, something small that they like. For example sitckers, candy, a special drink, making cookies, a trip to the park or special place, M&M's. Something that he likes and that he will only get when he hits your teaching goal for the day.
Don't Forget that you are working hard at this too, so don't feel bad to get yourself an extra treat as well at the end of the week or whenever you are feeling frustrated. Mom's need that too!

Give him a choice so he feels like he is the one calling the shots and then he'll be willing to pay more attention. Ask him what he wants to do and give him 2 choices, if he doesn't pick either then you can do both with him or you just pick one. He might feel more like a "big boy" if he get to choose what to do for the day. You need to give him choices throughout the learning process, with pencils, pages, paint colors, whatever you're working with.

Be consistent with him, once you let him "win" then he will figure out real quick that all he has to do it not pay attention and he won't have to do it. I know it's hard, and I've been there with my child and still am working with it, but you can work through it too. Once I let my child know that this is not a game and I'm not going to give up, my child started to pay more attention. Just don't give up, and i know it's harder to do then say, but pick a time of day for learning and then Stick to that one time so he knows during that time he has to learn.
Also, make sure everything is off like the TV, radio, games, anything that will distract him.

This might be good or bad advice for you, But it DID work with my child, I gave 2 options. One option was to sit down with me for 15 minutes and do learning and the other option was to go sit in the corner alone for 15 minutes. My child picked the learning time and payed attention because that Corner didn't look like much Fun. It worked but it might not work with all kids, so you might or might not want to use this approach depending on your child's special needs. It seemed though like everything else I had tried failed, but this did work. Sometimes parents have to lay down the law for the greater good of the child, So don't feel Guilty to put them in the corner for 15 minutes because in the long run it might help them out. They might figure out that it's easier to learn then sit in the corner, But be Careful. You don't want it to turn into a continual thing that makes him hate the option of learning. You don't want to turn the Experience into something bad in his eyes, so use your Judgement on this advice and don't overdo it.

Pick some Fun activites, think outside the box, search on the internet or sign up for newsletters on learning crafts. Could you make cookies one day and cut them into the different Shapes you want him to learn. Could you do finger painting and see who can paint the best Square? Make Macaroni art and Color the noodles with Food Coloring and Water, Ask him what the color is and then Let him put the Food coloring into the Cup with the noodles once he gets the Color right. (I put the noodles in a cup with a little water, put some color in, mix it around, lay them on a paper towel to Dry, then they're ready to Glue to whater you're making) Let him put some Food coloring in his MAshed potatoes, or his milk, let him make your potatoes be a different color than his, and he can mix colors to see what happens. Something that he will think is hilarious and fun to do.

Board games helped me a lot with gaining more patience and teaching them to be a good sport, so it's like you're teaching them 2 things at once. Candy Land really helps develop Color Identification because they have to Move the little guy to the correct Color square to win the game.

Also, I went out and bought a bunch of computer games, and my child loves some and others I can't get 5 minutes out of because the interest is lost so quickly. Maybe the computer game isn't interesting enough for your child. But make sure you don't go crazy and waste some $ on additonal games because he might just not like them either.

Look into your local area to see if there are any Local Cheap Tutors that the: City, local Library, city hall, any organization involved with education, preschools,or others. I just started a tutor this week through a local elementary school, so look in your area for options with help. Even if that seems Crazy, you might want to look into it because you can learn from the Tutor's teaching skills that they use to gain the child's attention. I have watched my child's tutor and have picked up some helpful hints that help and make it a lot Easier to do. Also, you might only use this person for a week or 2 just to get over the Hump of getting into a routine and teaching him that he needs to sit down and learn, not that i'm saying you can't do that, I just know from Experince this can really help.

Hope something I suggested helps in your Situation. Good Luck and Remember you're not the only one Who is having trouble with a child's patience. Here are some Web sites that you can look at to see if you can Find a Fun activity that he will Enjoy and you will be happy he's interested in it.

Answer 2

Set aside the same amount of time each day for "exploring." This is a more positive attitude towards learning for you both. Instead of JUST using flashcards, vary the activity. Use a coloring book and crayons and both of you color. You can ask him to pick a color to use and tell you what color it is. Ask him why he chose that color. Have him pick a color for YOU to use. Same question. After you finish, go over the color choices and talk about the picture. Ask him if there is someone special he'd like you to send the picture to.. and let him help fold it, and watch you address the envelope and stick it inside. Perhaps you could both walk to the mailbox and let him drop it in. Also, begin with age appropriate books (they have lots of pictures) and after reading the book the first time, go back and let him tell YOU about the book. Ask him questions about the characters on the page and colors and shapes, etc..

A calm, quiet area works best. Less distraction for you both.

After each "lesson" there should be some little reward. Ex. his favorite cookies and milk. You could make a batch together even! This continues to build his self-esteem in a setting where he won't even be aware of!

Buy the game Candyland as a reward and surprise him with it. It's all about colors and shapes. I remember it was my very favorite game! You will both have fun "playing" and he will be learning right along....

Don't give up, be patient...

Answer 3

Does staring at some flash cards seem fun and motivating to you? There are all kinds of fun hands on ways to teach shapes, numbers and letters. Be creative! Draw them in the sand, find a preschool board game or computer game, take a drive and point out shapes/numbers/letters on billboards , road signs or businesses. Google: Hands on Preschool Activities or look for books of activities on Amazon. Children learn best through play.

Answer 4

Strong children usually need lots of choices and lots of time to voice their opinion. If your son feels he is in control or at least has a say in what is going on he should be more receptable to the activity.
Say you need to work on the letters in the alphabet and on his colors. Tell your son "Ok it is time for us to work on our school projects. Which one do you want to do today, the alphabet or our colors?" He gets 10 seconds to decide, if he doesn't you decide, very matter of factly. Once he decides he wants to work on the alphabet, he gets another choice. "do you want to use the flash cards or are we going to write the letters today?"...he wants to write the letters, ok " what color pen are we going to use? which letter do you want to start with? Should mommy write the letter or do you want to try it?"
When you give choices, make them simple, and make them choices that you can live with and make sure no one else on earth is effected by the outcome.
Give choices ad nausium, it really feels silly at first, but your kid really should love it!
I have what they call a 'strong willed child' too. She enjoys learning, but I use this technique with her throught the day and things go much smoother for us. I found this in a book called LOVE AND LOGIC by Dr.Fay.
My husband is also a medicated bi-polar with random panic attacks, which I have also suffered off and on for years. I really do feel your stress level. God Luck, you CAN do it.

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Since it seems to intrest him, let him quiz you. He gets to be the teacher for 5 minutes before you teach. Give a few wrong answers to see if he will correct you. This is a great way to find out if he really knows the answers but is just lacking enthusiasum.

Answer 5

In this case, u might motivate him with some rewards.
make learning a habit and ask him to atleast sit with u for an hour or so, so that he ll atleast concentrate.
I wud also suggest to show him some cartoon pictures where colour plays some role..
Also i beleive that when he stares u leave him, it might feel to him that if he stares, u will let him go..
try these if not tried
As i am not into such situations, its just my guess..
All the best..

Answer 6

Your child knows he has you around his fingers. As parents (am one myself), we don't want to do more harm to an already bad situation. May I suggest you try interactive computer programmes, songs and stories. In this way you child may be drawn to the mode of activity rather than content, thereby, he learns indirectly. Children want varieties . There're many interactive games and CDs that promote all aspects of learning. Get those with his favourire cartoon characters.